So much has happened since I last found the time to write something of note, that I do not quite know where to start. To think I am in the midst of my final week in Dearne Valley and it only feels like yesterday that I was making the move this far North. Where does the time go? 

I cannot pretend that it has been an easy fortnight, despite the glorious distractions I have encountered, but change tends to make everyone a little wary and apprehensive, even if I am the instigator of that change. Or is that because I am the instigator of all this change?

Again, I am not going to write a confession to set the tongues wagging. Mistakes have been made and life goes on. 

Instead I am going to reminisce about the delightful weekend I had with my Lords and Ladies of the Shire on our coastal rendez vous last weekend. We feasted, pranced and indulged with a furore that the Viking gods would have been proud of. It made me realise how grateful I am to call them all my friends, and I shall miss each and every one of them while I sojourn in the Far East. 

We were graced with the presence of the Duke's sister, the brunette, Harlequin and many fair Ladies who each have a special place in my heart. We took part in many rural activities, though I cannot claim to have caught any fish (which I was most disappointed about!). It was a weekend to remember and I am still on a high when I think about the fun we had.

With Dearne Valley coming to a close, Brighthelmstone is beckoning ever closer, and this time I am taking a more active role. I have more responsibilities than ever and I have already begun my preparation for the summer! It is something I am most looking forward to, not least because it shall give me the time to come to terms with all that has happened this past year. 

All this talk of what I have to do is making me more aware that I should do less talking and take more action. As always my summers are inundated with activity but that doesn't mean my writing isn't a priority ~ only it becomes ore ethereal as it seeps in and out of my consciousness. 

I shall always write and create stories even when my life is as hectic as it is now. 



D. S.

The hours have slipped into days, which have in turn dissolved into weeks, so much so that I cannot for the life of me remember what came to pass since I last wrote...

Let me think...

Oh yes. A birthday. My birthday. How could I forget?

I ventured back to the Shire to visit my family and my friends. It was most delightful to fraternise with those in my closest circle, having the Duke join my side without so much of a whisper. We were all impeccably behaved (which truly makes a change) and we discussed many things, from my impending travels, to betrothals and reminisced about those who have been and gone. 

And I turned another year older. 

I have to admit at being rather laconic in regards to my latest age. It doesn't warrant more than a few words. It has been discovered that reasons are not always necessary when meeting with old friends, and any time I get to spend with the Ladies of the Shire, including the Duke's sister, is time well spent. 

It was a rather short weekend, I never spend long enough in the Shire, but my Duke and I managed to spend some much-deserved time together, even crossing the North/South border hand in hand. We are still debating about our future, and I suppose there is nothing more to say on that matter either. 

Que sera sera. 

I seem to be getting easily disgruntled in my old age!

The folk at Dearne Valley did surprise me on my return with many well wishes and plied me with various bottles of wine and delectables that I have yet to sample because I have been feeling a little under the weather. I was incredibly touched to think that they all thought to remember and take note of something so inconsequential as my birthday, but it made the return somewhat more poignant. Of course, I am as busy as ever, but I am enjoying my time in the North.

There are whispers that the Duke and Marquessa may visit me this weekend, and I shall hold my breath in anticipation.

D. S. 

One would think it'd be possible to safely assume sunshine this late into the year. It seems we were rather heavily seduced by the warm climate only a week ago, but it has dissipated into a rather disappointing drizzle that seems unwilling to abate. 

Just in time for my birthday celebrations. 

However, I refuse to let this English weather dampen my spirits.

I am to return to the Shire tomorrow for a few days of revelry and debauchery. I have even managed to convince Belle, Armiger, the Duke and the Duke's sister to make an appearance. I am more than a little excited, and am wishing away the next twenty-four hours before I can leave for my home. 

That's not even the most thrilling piece of news I have to offer on this chilly evening. 

I have mentioned the Far East countless times this year, and though it may seems a strange longing for some, I on the other hand, have somehow managed to make my dreams come a reality. The Orient beckons its dainty finger, and I have answered with a gusto that cannot be ignored. I have a few months left in Dearne Valley, before I sojourne to Brighthelmstone with my usual retinue, and then I have a mere week to say my farewells and depart for the Far East.

I cannot say what it is I am going to do once I am out there, only that I know it shall be my greatest adventure yet. 

'The Duke of Albany?' I hear you ask... We are still in the process of discussing the terms of our relationship. I cannot ask him to travel to another continent for me, and nor do I want to. Nevertheless, we are determined to make our unconventional relationship flourish, despite the distance. 

It was Armiger, my darling friend, who asked the pertinent question. I think it is because he is recently engaged (congratulations to them both), but he made me realise that my lust for adventure is rather selfish... However, the Duke understands. He loves me for who I am. And that is an impulsive, spontaneous wanderer. You can't ask me to change, for then I should no longer be the person he so admired. 

I do not ask for understanding from anyone else ~ on some days I even question myself ~ but rather I look to rejoice. My life is wonderful, and I am so grateful for all that I have. I cannot wait to share in the jubilations and celebrations with those whom I love. 

D. S.

As December draws nearer I cannot help but recall the past year and what a change it has meant for me. A year ago I was living with the Duke of the Shire's sister and we were partying the nights away as if there were no tomorrow. It was oh so frivolous compared to the life I am leading now, however I have those memories that I will always look back on fondly. There was never a dull moment with the Duke's sister.

Now I am worlds apart in Bohemia, not completely alone, but certainly not the centre of attention in a tizzy of soirées as before. I had both the White Knight and the blonde Esquire at my beck and call, whereas now I am completely independent, only indulging my sexual appetite with the Duke of Albany. I spent long enough in the cloisters of the Convent over the summer that I think it is only fair to make the most of the winter months, wrapped up in furs and listening to the fires roar and crackle while we... Well, I'll leave that much to your imagination. 

I have finally asked the Duke if he would join me in the Shire over the Christmas tidings and he has accepted my invitation. I have had to write to my mother and let her know there shall be company for the festivities, but because it is a man of nobility my mother will have already started planning the wedding in her head. Poor Albany does not know what he has got himself into. 

It is sometimes unnerving to think that I met the Duke so many months ago without realising it was him. Those piercing blue eyes have a way of hypnotising me and often I think I'm sparring with the lowly messenger rather than the grandchild of Bohemia (his words, not mine).

Life is currently everything I could ask for; I have the time to write and have accomplished so much in the last thirty days, as well as having the Duke to converse with while we concentrate on fulfilling dreams I didn't even know I had. The Shire calls as Christmas should be spent with friends and family, but Bohemia is the perfect surrogate home. 



D. S.

To say that I have been somewhat distracted of late is more of an understatement than I care to let leave my lips. I shall not apologise nor make false promises of never leaving you again - the inevitable end shall only be postponed - but it is not this day.

Where to begin?

My dearest Misha had previously questioned my wavering fidelity to the blonde Esquire what with his determined patriotism to Queen and country. I cannot utter the words I'm sure many of you are longing to hear - I cannot tell you that we are still sickeningly content, rolling around in the bed sheets, moaning with an intoxicating pleasure, for it is no longer true.

The blonde Esquire and I have parted ways. His time was never actually his to call his own, and though I made a promise to try - and try I did - I cannot tolerate coming second to an entire regiment. Nor the King. Nor the country. If someone loves me, they have to put me first, and that was an argument I was never going to win.

I have accepted the termination of my relationship with the blonde Esquire - at least his Mother can no longer plague my life - after all, it was originally based on a lie.

What next?

The summer is nigh and I have had correspondence from Belle that she plans to attend a Convent again this summer, but this time she wants to venture away from the Shire and travel towards the Capital. I have yet to give her my answer, though I know that my season is coming to an end. The Duke's sister has gone on her own Grande Tour of the Continent and I know the brunette is exploring her more Sapphic tendencies in the Eastern world.

I too need a change of scenery.

The seaside beckons. I ventured to the pebbled beaches on the Southern Coast a few weeks back and fell head over heels in love with the sights, smells and sounds of the sea. It hasn't the grandeur of the Antipodes, but there is nothing so quaint as the English seaside.

While gallivanting at the breaking waves I had the utmost desire to strip off all my clothes and delve into the Channel. It would have caused such a ruckus, and no doubt I'd have startled the many bystanders, but I have a craving to do something wild now that I'm free and have regained my independence.

There was one other reason than societal convention that I kept my dress on that day; I would have been witnessed by a tall, dark haired spectator. One who seemed able to read my indecent thoughts, and gave me a daring stare. I was quite caught off guard and knew not how to respond. Thankfully I saw sense to keep my clothes on! I would not want a repeat of Iberia two years ago!

But for now I shall enjoy the time I have on my own - sometimes there is nothing more that I want than to be alone - and make my 'grown up' decisions when I believe the time to be necessary.



D. S.

A fortnight is all I have left in the Shire before the blonde Esquire whisks me away to the city of our civilisation's birth; Rome.

I have neglected all but he and I cannot apologise for my absence because he has become my every waking moment.

As I read that sentence I choke slightly on the nauseating optimism that had scarce before left my lips. Never would I utter such honest yet sickly, true but excessive, and almost putrid words of undying love.

Passion, yes. Lust, without a doubt. But love? These are not words that leave my mouth willingly; but whatever the reason, my tongue cannot seem to cease proclamations of joy regarding the blonde Esquire.

The cynic in me rolls her eyes profusely, glaring from behind the glass cage - but it is true - I could not be happier.

Rome!

I wish I had more to tell as I have neglected my writing for so long, but in all truthfulness I have spent my time in the blonde Esquire's arms, listening to his sweet nothings. (Oh Lord, I have started again!) 

Party's of course have been thrown - the Duke's sister and I have only a few more months together before she sojourns south for the Summer, so needless to say, there shall be many a raucous festivity before then. Recently time has been spent in doors as the weather continues to ravage the countryside.

Oh... I suppose there is one small piece of information that cannot be overlooked; the blonde Esquire has made his intentions quite clear, it is not marriage he desires, but rather an over zealous lust for war and battle.

He has declared himself a soldier, nay a warrior; a part of his heart longs to fight alongside the cavalry as it can only speak to certain men. These are men who have ideals and a zest for leadership, men whose very nature is both commanding and dispassionate while making difficult decisions. Contrary to those of us who only know how to follow orders, or dumbly refuse to take on the responsibility of other people's lives.

The blonde Esquire has yet to start his training - hence seeking forget-me-not bliss in Rome - but I know that he shall disappear soon. It seems I am destined to forever be abandoned by the men who steal my heart. I cannot and do not begrudge the blonde Esquire from his quest; he is meant to be a soldier, a leader, and I cannot deny him his destiny. But there are no words to describe how much I'll miss him.

No words.

D. S.

I have barely left the bedchamber, wrapped in sheets, dripping beads of perspiration, uttering ceaseless moans of pleasure. I cannot repeat any further the misbehaviour that has taken place at my abode, but think no less of me, nor my actions, for the ruse is slowly slipping away.

The blonde Esquire has managed to tame the beast within; I no longer ache for the touch of anonymous lovers, but am more than content with only him. Though this relationship started as a farce, our intentions have twisted and turned and true emotions have crept in between the lies. 


I do not know whether his unrelenting honesty as the catalyst of our secret tryst makes me trust him more, or whether I am falling for a man whose every intention was to make me love him, but I do know that I am falling for him.

Four months have passed and I have not looked at another man. At first it was a game, keeping me entertained as I played along with the blonde Esquire's needs. But now? I am anxious when I do not hear from him, we barely leave each other's sides and our families have mentioned words that cannot be unheard - betrothal.

Of course I question whether or not his Mother was in on the ruse from the off, and if it was me that has been played... But I have asked time and time again what it is he wants and I constantly get the same response.

'You. I want you.'

I have been wanted and lusted after by so many men... The English gentleman, the Scottish Earl, the White Knight and they too were adamant in their wanting of me, but I am not fool enough to believe they all loved me. In fact, I can happily admit that their intentions were purely physical, but I cannot deny that mine were all too similar.

But when the blonde Esquire looks at me, I feel his want, his ice blue eyes burn into mine with a desperation that could not be fake; no one could possibly emit a look so loving as he. Besides I have heard all the lies that can be said, I could recognise the empty promises without a word being uttered.

For example, the White Knight played the part of chivalrous second-place oh so well when I first began the blonde Esquire's ruse, but a few months down the line? It seems he was more interested in having me to himself and has long since lost contact entirely. A little bit shocked I was, but the Duke's sister has comforted me in saying he has cut ties with all of his ex-lovers in a similar vein so I ought to think nothing of it. She is right, of course, but my pride hurts, for one always wants to think of themselves as the main attraction, and not as a milieu of courtesans.

However I shall ignore the obvious cry for attention and focus on my happiness. It is true, I am so happy I could burst. I wish the rest of the world could feel my happiness... I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but I shall revel in the joy I feel, for who knows how long it shall last?

D. S.

Can you remember where you were a year ago precisely?

Do you find it easy to conjure up the memories, the emotions and sequences of life over the past three hundred and sixty-five days?

I can barely remember the past week, but a year ago today shall never be forgotten.

It was my darling young Captain's birthday, just as it is today. No longer a youth, but a man, and I fondly remember the agonising ceremony from last year. And of course how it led to the introduction of the English gentleman... Which I'd sooner forget.

How far I have come, distance included, and yet I look to go on further. Travels abound and I cannot wait to visit the Lady of Corcaigh with Belle in the coming weeks... I plan to remember that journey for many years to come. Too long have I sat, stagnating as decisions have yet to be made - though of course I should never expect decisions to be at the forefront of my mind.

Do not think I am running away from my life in the Shire, quite the contrary! I am more at ease, and more at home here than I think I have ever been before. Nevertheless, how can one deny the pleasures of a foreign country and the chance to spend time with wonderful companions?

The Shire of course is home to myself and the Duke's sister, to my ladies and gentlemen, and of course to the blonde Esquire. To say he has been most attentive would not be a worthy enough phrase. I lack the candour (for once) to say what it is he provides for me despite of the ruse we have between the two of us.

We have had many intimate meetings, and our show of love beguiles us both as the world begins to believe in it. I have even had the privilege of meeting his Mother... No mean feat. I could see the delight in her eyes as she weighed up my assets; I made an exhibition of wearing some of my finest jewels to entice her further into this matchmaking.


The blonde Esquire has few issues with hiding his true feelings and every moment we spend together, thankfully we are both honest and at ease. However during the over-too-soon private rendez vous, the blonde Esquire talks of all he could and would do if he had the means.

There are poor people in the world struggling for a loaf of bread while I dine on succulent strawberries and think nothing of drinking champagne for breakfast. I am fortunate that the blonde Esquire does not think any less of me, but even though I have seen the world and do not think I am completely naive, I am finding it difficult to assuage the guilt.

It is his honour, his drive and ambition that makes me yearn for something more. But what more is out there?




D. S.

Where has my inspiration gone? I can't seem to muster up the energy to write anything of any substance; I have started many posts in the fortnight past but none of which have made me want to give them over to you.

I have learnt many things as January fades in February, I have realised there is a world inside my Shire that I was previously unaware of... My eyes have been opened and my mouth left agape as the blonde Esquire has given me an education I shall never forget.

We spend nearly every day together, our ruse becoming easier to forget as I truly do enjoy spending time with him. He encourages me to think more broadly and gives me experiences I hadn't thought possible...

It was last weekend, nay, even longer ago, that the Duke's sister and I held an evening in celebration of travel. We dressed up in foreign guises as we listened to explorers tell us of their journeys and the treasure they plundered and the adventures across stormy seas. Not only was it wonderful to hear, but it gave my Ladies and I a real thirst for the extraordinary, and Summer plans have been whispered about the Continent, a Grande Tour or indeed a return journey to the Antipodes.

Could I leave once again with no thought to the Shire? 

What would it be like to return to the Captain, whose correspondence lessens with every passing week?

I know I shall return eventually, but I don't know if it shall ever be my home. It is said that your home is where your heart is, but it seems I may have a fickle heart.

I am not in love with the blonde Esquire. I know I cannot be for this is purely a scheme to get his Mother off his back and give him the reigns of freedom. I know I cannot love him because there is no chance I could keep him from his own responsibilities. He would not let me fall in love with him, however despite the pretence, there is a growing friendship between the two of us. How could there not be?

He is away in the Capital for a few days hence and though I am not in love with him, I have noted his absence more keenly that I'd have thought. But no matter, it's exactly how I feel when I don't see Armiger or the Court Jester for long periods of time.

In fact it is all the better to have the space as it is his birthday this weekend and I shall spend the whole of tomorrow planning a day for the two of us to enjoy. 

Ah, another birthday too nearly slipped my mind, a Northern beauty from my years living up North has come to share her love with us on this special occasion; no doubt this week will include many frivolities and much laughter! I look forward to all the celebrations!

As do I look forward to the return of the blonde Esquire... At least with the void he has left behind I have an evening spare with no excuse but to write!



D. S.

Darlings a wonderful new years tiding to you all! Apologies for the delay in writing this year but my life has been somewhat distracted by the frivolities that have been bestowed upon us by the holiday season!

A time to reflect has already passed me by, and I can confirm that I stuck to most of last year's resolutions, because although I may have let love linger in my heart for the Captain (and of course the White Knight dabbled with my emotions) I have not given my heart away to anyone! Of course, love and lust are two completely different things, for I have not gone an entire YEAR without satisfying my more carnal needs!

At the moment I am home with my Father - Mother has disappeared to console the needing arms of a female compatriot whose husband has left her for another woman - and I need the time to think about the past fortnight, before the blonde Esquire arrives.

New Year's Eve was a perfect night. Belle travelled the many miles to the Shire a few days before and we had the time to talk about our loved ones and gossip and laugh as if no time at all had passed between our previous rendez vous. The Court Jester too journeyed from the City of Dreaming Spires to spend the dawning of a new year with me in my new and more humble abode.

My ladies surrounded me, though the Duke's sister was notably missed, and I hosted the fun, the games, the music and dancing without a care in the world. And yet again the blonde Esquire did not disappoint as he turned up as expected and dazzled and delighted those dear to me. I have not yet shared the secret of our new relationship to anyone... I want to see how this reticent tryst develops under the nose of his Mother, and of course when the inevitable implosion of our allegiance occurs it needs to be as realistic as possible, with no chance of reconciliation.

For now I am to think about the future... Do I want to leave the Shire and travel to the Continent, or even further afield, back to the Antipodes? Do I want to persevere on my quest to find someone worthy of my patronage? Shall I give in to the unwritten institution that is marriage to satisfy my parents and find myself a husband? Or shall I just live day to day, loving life, and expecting nothing but happiness?

I know the latter question begs my own indulgence as life is never easy nor smooth, but at the moment I cannot fault the life I lead... Which I suppose is why I have so many questions. I want more to life, and that is why I know I shall not marry any time soon. Travels intrigue me, but working? This is something so unconventional for someone of my status that I feel I must endure the uncertainty... At least for the time being.



D. S.

Not a day had passed since my last post when I received a long-awaited correspondence from the gallivanting White Knight. My thoughts have been plagued with decisions (something we all know I find troublesome at the very least) and I have busied myself with Christmas antics so as to distract my thoughts.

The blonde stranger took a rather unexpected turn over these past few weeks; I expected to hear very little of him, or from him, but it seems he had other ideas. The very same day the White Knight blasted his presence back into my life after weeks of neglect, the blonde stranger showed up on my doorstep, most impromptu, and stole me away for several hours... What we did, well I shall not share all, but I've discovered his stature and his intentions.

The blonde stranger is of landed gentry, an Esquire of the Shire, who had heard through the rumour-mill that two Ladies had ventured out into the big wide world on their own. At first I was a little tentative, for he kept the truth hidden behind an innocently coy charm, but he was not shy and he kept a most respectful distance (to start off with).

Apparently his Mother had sent him to court either of the Duchesses so as to woo their hearts and confirm a betrothal in order to gain a higher standing in court. I was surprised by his honesty, shocked that his Mother had such a hidden agenda planned out for her son, but after talking it through... It is exactly what every daughter is subject to from the moment she is born.

Of course I asked why he had been so honest with me, I could comprehend his Mother's cunning scheme, but his honesty? That was almost disturbing! Was it just a ruse to get closer to me? How had he made his choice between the Duke's sister and myself? Did he see me as an easy target?

Affronted, I tore away from him, marching down the garden path back to my home, but the blonde Esquire soon caught me in his arms, staring down into my eyes, his hands upon my body felt natural and almost familiar. I attempted to struggle against his firm hold, but to no avail; I eventually had to give up, short breaths escaping from my open mouth in exhaustion.

He smiled at me, and kissed the tip of my nose. Of course I motioned to refute his advances, but he stopped me with a finger held to my lips and said, 'I don't want to marry you. I don't feel the need to increase my social standing. I love my freedom, I love my family, I love my Mother. I don't want to disappoint her by not trying to make you fall in love with me, but I also don't want to run the risk that you may end up getting hurt.'

The blonde Esquire sighed heavily and let me go, turning away from me. I stared at him, willing him to go on, as I tried to catch his eye.

'You could cause me a lot of trouble Duchess, but if you trust me, and I know I'm asking a lot, I do have a plan that may suit both of us.'

He held out his hand, and who am I to refuse the plight of a young man?

It was soon after our rendez vous that I received word from the White Knight, but I am finding it easier to ignore his beckoning. I cannot jump every time he calls my name.

Of course this plan with the blonde Esquire may go awry: we are to start courting in the run up to Christmas, we shall spend time together and appease his Mother in his valiant attempt to gain my heart. But after a few months, we shall have an awful row about another woman he has been fraternising with behind my back and then that shall be all.

Personally I am looking forward to the challenge!

D. S. 

Curled up in my bed, staring out of the window of my new home at the vastly different surroundings may take longer to get used to than I'd first anticipated. I have no complaints, no queries, no qualms; I still know I made the right decision, but the house is eerily quiet for just two ladies.

It's most interesting to learn who are those who live closest to us. I've never before had neighbours that I didn't know from childhood, and indeed the closest neighbours that there are to my parents' home are family members! So I am excited to hear about the people living in similar environments to the Duke's sister and myself. From what I've heard there are gentlemen of parallel repute, and indeed there may be a Lord and a soldier or two closer than I expected.

We plan to throw a soirée to introduce ourselves to the area, champagne and tequila (a burning drink from the Continent, to be taken with lemon and salt, of all things!) are a must as I do hope to dazzle and shine as the perfect hostess.

My mind and heart do turn to the Southern hemisphere as I fondly remember my time there, especially as the winter nights draw ever closer and the temperature begins to chill your very bones. I miss the beaches, the late night rendez vous, the passion that the Antipodeans had coursing through their veins. I miss the Captain, with his ever ready laugh and his never-ending enthusiasm for the outdoors, and for constantly trying something new.

I miss his zest for life.

But I do love my life here in the Shire. I love my independence, I love the role I play in society; I love that my decisions are based purely on my wants and needs, with no one to answer to, nor anyone asking for an explanation.

Waking up late, never going to sleep, drinking at all hours and self-satisfaction are my main priorities. Of course, I am still in the process of searching for a worthy artiste to dote my patronage with, but the time will come, and until then I plan to live life as if every day were my last.

D. S. 

Recently I've had days merge into mere times passing, never having any individual significance of their own; however these past few days have been more than memorable.

As a Patroness I have acquired a certain esteem and prestige that I look to maintain, and the next step was to acquire a household of my own standing without the help of my parents!

Fortunately there was another of my stature who was in a similar predicament; namely the Duke's sister. Together we decided that we would be able to conquer the mounting bureaucracy and effectively trivial but numerous tribulations, instead of fighting on our own.

Of course we were correct. Within days we had found the perfect abode to house the two of us, and only after the papers were signed and the servants unpacked our belongings, were we, or rather, are we able to spend our first night together!

Our aesthetic tastes may differ somewhat, but our personalities are more alike than the Duke's sister would care to admit, and I revel in the thought of the first soirée de maison that we can throw for all our friends and family.

To live without a chaperone, without a husband or family... That is quite the step, especially someone of my reputation (or perhaps because of my reputation) but the Duke's sister has given me the chance to explore my non-existent sensibilities and deep sensualities that I had never before even considered. Somehow, she has managed to conserve her own respectability (despite her behaviour) so she is classed far beneath my level of notoriety, (or is that above?).

Nonetheless, the two of us have a clean slate to start from and I look forward to the next journey of my life immensely.

D. S.