A question that I always ask myself is where do my intentions come from? Are they purely selfish, or am I overly emotional, unable to separate what I desire from what is right and true? Or am I the result of a society that demands everything and gives nothing, therefore I cannot be held responsible for my lack of empathy? Or am I a combination of all of these things, and so much more, that I haven't yet had the opportunity to consider? 

I tend to have my most existential questions late at night, when I'm on my own. It's not exactly late at the moment, but I have spent more and more time on my own. I have craved my own company and damned those who have got in my way. There are a select few that I allow to be in my presence, but the moment their demands become too expectant I tend to scurry back into my hermit-like ways. I'm not sure where this has come from, or if it has been a long time coming, or actually this is what I'm truly like, as I was hiding behind a sociable facade?

I have all of the questions and not a single one of the answers. 

Since I am now into the second week of June, with only a fortnight left in the Far East, life is going at a tumultuous speed, and I've needed to take myself off to collect my thoughts before the long journey back to the Shire. Of course, I have the delightful pleasure of my Irish Ladies of Corcagh who arrive imminently, to look forward to, and their presence is greatly anticipated. But before they arrive, I have chosen myself as my only companion. That is, until the dark-eyed musician finishes entertaining the masses and I can have him to myself. I need some sort of consistency in my life at the moment, and he has the voice the purrs my name, in a way that only he can. 

Does that make it fair on the other people I have in my life. No. But, since when is life fair? And I have made no promises to break. Rather I have kept myself to myself, allowing my thoughts to cloud my sensibilities, and gone with what I believe are my truest of emotions. I don't know any more. I have been shut down for so long after the Duke of Albany, that I don't know what it is to feel and truly give myself to someone, and I am not yet ready to do that - thought I am finally allowing the thought to enter my mind for the first time in a year.

Love. What fools it turns us into.

D. S. 

The time between written posts passes too quickly and there are days when I forget that I have a duty to myself to record what it is that I do, where I go and how I feel. I wonder how long it'll be before this hobby of mine dwindles to a halt and it too becomes a fleeting memory, for I have no greater commitment in my life than the few words I share on these pages and the colours that I allow to drip on to a blank canvas. 

Though life is not as bleak as I portray it to be. 

Actually I am ever so fortunate. Another year older if not wiser, and though the frivolities were many and the permanent marks almost as damming as in previous year, I do feel more content. There are moments of dissatisfaction, but in general, I cannot believe my good fortune and I hope I show my appreciation to the Goddess. 

I only have a few more weeks in the Far East before returning to the Shire for the summer. Again I shall be at the Convent, (I cannot remember a time where the summer and the Convent weren't intermingled), and I shall have my darling Irish Lady by my side. I cannot wait to cavort in my overly-familiar stomping ground with my blue-eyed darling. She is almost as adventurous as I am in some aspects, and far exceeds me in others!

It will be delightful to catch up with my wonderful Ladies of the Shire and I cannot wait to watch my darling Armiger walk down the aisle. There are so many people to see and so many people that I am looking forward to spending some time with, if only for a few long summer evenings.

Though it cannot be said that I am not enjoying my time here in the Orient. I am off on some more travels in a few days, accompanying a truly captivating creature who I daren't write any more about at present. The Scottish Earl is still sojourning in the Far East for a while longer, which makes for interesting dinner conversation. And the musician, with his deep, soul-searching eyes... He is more than a little difficult to comprehend. Indeed, there is all manner of confusion in my head and heart and I know that I am the one who is going to end up burned, but truly I don't know how to do anything other than what I'm doing... I shall just have to wait and see how I manage to cope with the path I have forced myself down.

D. S.

The end of another month is nigh and already I am closer to the spring, when the flowers break through the frosty soil and stretch towards the warm glow of the sun. Then I have to look forward to the summer months back in my homeland... Last year still feels like a dream, yet the summer is already approaching at a speed I'd forgotten. It's a wondrous prospect to go back to the Convent, doing something that I love with the friends and family that I don't get to see often enough, but it's astonishing when I think about all that has occurred since I arrived in the Far East. 

Love and loss... Well, more like love and lessons learned, something that I realise I am still in the midst of, despite my loud affirmations that I already know everything. Life and how to react and respond to other people... It seems this is not something I excel at.  I love to socialise, to be the centre of attention, and I crave acceptance from others, even if I am not as interested in giving them anything more than my judgement. I am harsh, overly-critical and not as affected by the idea of self-improvement as I should be.

Yet there is another side to me that I have been cultivating out here in the Far East, one that I haven't had the pleasure of since my time in Bohemia. I write, I draw, I paint. Yes this entry is dripping in upright, self-indulgent 'I', but I can't get myself out of my head. My mind is focused only on my emotions, my feelings, my opinions, my choices and decisions. Though I know I need to be aware of how these actions effect other people. 

I believe I know what the problem is... I am my own worst enemy. I don't look to fix myself, because that would be admitting there was a problem in the first place, and that is something I cannot bring myself to do. That is my biggest lesson, and there is more to learn that what I have discovered so far.

Love... I flit, I flee, I fly. It's an intangible emotion that cannot carry any weight, though people base their entire life decisions on a feeling. I too am one of those people, yet I know I am too scared to completely let go like I have done in the past. If I cannot be my scared, contradictory, paradoxical self, then who am I? What am I supposed to be?

Another question for another lesson.





D. S.

So much has happened since I last found the time to write something of note, that I do not quite know where to start. To think I am in the midst of my final week in Dearne Valley and it only feels like yesterday that I was making the move this far North. Where does the time go? 

I cannot pretend that it has been an easy fortnight, despite the glorious distractions I have encountered, but change tends to make everyone a little wary and apprehensive, even if I am the instigator of that change. Or is that because I am the instigator of all this change?

Again, I am not going to write a confession to set the tongues wagging. Mistakes have been made and life goes on. 

Instead I am going to reminisce about the delightful weekend I had with my Lords and Ladies of the Shire on our coastal rendez vous last weekend. We feasted, pranced and indulged with a furore that the Viking gods would have been proud of. It made me realise how grateful I am to call them all my friends, and I shall miss each and every one of them while I sojourn in the Far East. 

We were graced with the presence of the Duke's sister, the brunette, Harlequin and many fair Ladies who each have a special place in my heart. We took part in many rural activities, though I cannot claim to have caught any fish (which I was most disappointed about!). It was a weekend to remember and I am still on a high when I think about the fun we had.

With Dearne Valley coming to a close, Brighthelmstone is beckoning ever closer, and this time I am taking a more active role. I have more responsibilities than ever and I have already begun my preparation for the summer! It is something I am most looking forward to, not least because it shall give me the time to come to terms with all that has happened this past year. 

All this talk of what I have to do is making me more aware that I should do less talking and take more action. As always my summers are inundated with activity but that doesn't mean my writing isn't a priority ~ only it becomes ore ethereal as it seeps in and out of my consciousness. 

I shall always write and create stories even when my life is as hectic as it is now. 



D. S.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it still make a sound?

Therefore, if a sin is committed but there is no one to witness the act, does it really count?

I am as terrible as that sounds, but I am not yet brave enough to utter the words that could send me spiralling into an alcohol-fuelled frenzy. It is better that I close that door and walk away from the damage I have caused without a glance behind me. 

It is not the first time I have made such a mistake, but far from being an entertaining entry, this seems to have potential repercussions that I cannot soften with kind words and hollow promises. I may have even outdone myself this time. 

So, instead of focusing on that misdemeanour I will rather reminisce about the weekend just passed and exclaim proudly my love for my Irish Lady of Corcaigh, the brunette and four minstrels who kept us suitably entertained all the while. 

To think a year has vanished since we last drank in each other's company is absurd, but it felt like no time had passed as we joked about our time in the City of a Hundred Spires, watching intently the delicious quartet who serenaded our reunion. They were clearly a little too young for each of us (words I never thought I'd say), probably no older than the enamoured young Captain from the Antipodes. But they each exuded a confidence that was electrifying. It is not often I can find a man to transfix my gaze for an hour, let alone an entire evening, but those four did more than that...

I am no longer the girl that lusted after a musician for years, but there is something decidedly scrumptious about a man who knows his way around a musical instrument and can sing words that your heart has longed to hear. 

Enough about them... Though they certainly have not left my thoughts. 

The Irish Lady of Corcaigh was an absolute dream. She had so much to tell me, what with making herself known in her home town as she inspires other women to be as headstrong. Similarly, the brunette is making incredible progress in her own personal journey and her stubbornness know no bounds. It was only a fleeting rendez vous as I still have three weeks of hard toil ahead of me, but it was worth the headache I had this morning.

As everyone expected, I am suffering from itchy feet and need to be back on the road, travelling to distant lands. Though that will come, all in good time. I have a summer in Brighthelmstone to look forward to first...

D. S.

There is so much that I have to tell and I haven't a clue where to start. The last time I wrote I was enjoying my life in abundance with the brunette and making good one of my new year's resolutions. Since then much has happened; words have been said and mistakes have been made, so much so that they could be life-altering.

But does that mean I have the strength to talk about them, to write them down? I have to admit that I am the guilty party, the one more culpable in these latest occurrences, and if I actually put pen to paper and own up to the crime... Then that cannot be undone.

I know that over the years I have flitted in and out of people's hearts, cities, countries without so much as a second thought as to the consequences of my actions. I have always been rather hedonistic, and though I had toned down my behaviour of late, it seems that my so-called maturity was nothing more than a facade. 

Nevertheless, I am back in Dearne Valley for my final month of solitude before I travel to Brighthelmstone for the summer. I am fortunate that the Irish Lay of Corcaigh is gracing me with her presence this weekend, so as to distract me from my ever tumbling thoughts of despair. We have not seen each other since that eventful night in Bohemia and I cannot wait to reminisce and make new memories with her. 

My week in the Shire was more relaxing than I give it credit ~ both my father and brother were in attendance and it was delightful to spend some time with them, feasting and celebrating our successes in life. 

I even managed a short jaunt to the northern counties, catching a glimpse of the Duke of Albany before he disappeared on a rendez vous of his own. I miss the city that I have called home for so many years. Though the Shire runs through my veins, the northern counties will always tug at my heart. Much like the Antipodes and Bohemia will always bring me fond memories. 

I am not yet brave enough to utter the sin I have committed. Instead I sway back and forth between burying my head in the ground and moving on entirely. For truly, the only way is forward.



D. S.

I have started and redrafted this post so many times I cannot for the life of me remember what it was I first wanted to talk about. 

Nevertheless... Weeks have once again sprinted past, without so much as a second glance, and as usual I have had very little time to myself. I have been so overwhelmed by my busy lifestyle of late that I have sat in silence, doodling and daydreaming on my own all evening, trying to recuperate from the hubbub of the Capital.

I adore the Capital. I know I have mentioned this sentiment whenever I tend to visit, but I love the pace and the anonymity that comes with being just another face... That is until I leave, when I breathe a sigh of relief, anxious to get back to my life where I am known. Infamy certainly has its perks. 

I suppose I should start at the beginning. The Marquessa and Baroness joined me nearly a fortnight ago in Dearne Valley, dragging the Duke in tow for some belated birthday celebrations. We drank and were merry and it took me a few days to recover. But it was wonderful.

Until I realised the week ahead of me would be one that could have had a damning affect on my future. I had to prove my worth as a Lady-in-Waiting, every gesture scrutinised and critiqued, looking for a fault. Thankfully I passed with flying colours and have only the one more visit to contend with. I shall make a note NOT to drink as heavily the weekend before.

Because I was so fraught with nerves I was barely able to write anything coherent, worrying only about the observation that was to come. However, I was rewarded with my visit to the Capital. I socialised with friends and acquaintances whom normally grace me with their presence only during the summer months, so it was wonderful to reminisce about my time at the Convent in both the Shire and Brighthelmstone. It is an odd feeling to have an extended family, as such, that are in some ways closer than my Ladies of the Shire because of the concentrated time we spend together, yet we go more than half a year without much contact. It does not make much sense, but I thoroughly enjoyed the company over the weekend.

There was nothing I could fault. 

If anything... It has awakened my usual yearning for my summer in Brighthelmstone, before my journey to the Orient.

D. S.

One would think it'd be possible to safely assume sunshine this late into the year. It seems we were rather heavily seduced by the warm climate only a week ago, but it has dissipated into a rather disappointing drizzle that seems unwilling to abate. 

Just in time for my birthday celebrations. 

However, I refuse to let this English weather dampen my spirits.

I am to return to the Shire tomorrow for a few days of revelry and debauchery. I have even managed to convince Belle, Armiger, the Duke and the Duke's sister to make an appearance. I am more than a little excited, and am wishing away the next twenty-four hours before I can leave for my home. 

That's not even the most thrilling piece of news I have to offer on this chilly evening. 

I have mentioned the Far East countless times this year, and though it may seems a strange longing for some, I on the other hand, have somehow managed to make my dreams come a reality. The Orient beckons its dainty finger, and I have answered with a gusto that cannot be ignored. I have a few months left in Dearne Valley, before I sojourne to Brighthelmstone with my usual retinue, and then I have a mere week to say my farewells and depart for the Far East.

I cannot say what it is I am going to do once I am out there, only that I know it shall be my greatest adventure yet. 

'The Duke of Albany?' I hear you ask... We are still in the process of discussing the terms of our relationship. I cannot ask him to travel to another continent for me, and nor do I want to. Nevertheless, we are determined to make our unconventional relationship flourish, despite the distance. 

It was Armiger, my darling friend, who asked the pertinent question. I think it is because he is recently engaged (congratulations to them both), but he made me realise that my lust for adventure is rather selfish... However, the Duke understands. He loves me for who I am. And that is an impulsive, spontaneous wanderer. You can't ask me to change, for then I should no longer be the person he so admired. 

I do not ask for understanding from anyone else ~ on some days I even question myself ~ but rather I look to rejoice. My life is wonderful, and I am so grateful for all that I have. I cannot wait to share in the jubilations and celebrations with those whom I love. 

D. S.

Weeks can go by and the monotony of life drags by without so much as a whisper of change, but I write diligently about my life because I intend not to disappoint those who read about my antics. Then more than a fortnight flashes past, and my life forces me to take a hiatus from my writing and then when I can finally sit down and have a moment to reflect, I do not know where to start.

I have travelled many hundreds of miles in the last few weeks, returning to the Shire, to Brighthelmstone, the northern counties and even further north to the aforementioned Dearne Valley.

Who knew that this small country had so much to offer in such a short space of time? I've confirmed my role for the summer at Brighthelmstone, and despite knowing that I have taken on a huge responsibility, I'm looking forward to the challenge. There is nothing like feeling ready for a new lease of life. 

Past the summer however, is still rather blurred. I'm lacking clarity and cannot truthfully say what it is I want to do. Yes, I want to travel, but my options are rather permanent, or fleeting. Nothing in between. The Duke of Albany of course, is having an influence, and though I am exceedingly grateful he has few expectations for me, I sometimes wish he'd try and convince me to stay. I don't want him to ask me, but I'd rather he made the choice more difficult. Though maybe he knows me better than I think... Nothing and no one will stop me from seeing what else the world has to offer.  

So I have left the northern counties for a few months and found solitary refuge in Dearne Valley. It is positively rural in comparison to the more cosmopolitan places I have lived, but there is a primordial sense of belonging here, even though I am considered an outsider.

I am looking forward to the next few months... Who knows what shall occur.


D. S.

Where to begin?

Over a week has passed, or rather vanished, and I'm now at home, looking out of my South Wing bedroom window at the Shire in all of its springtime glory. 

The last time I wrote, everything was rather up in the air about my future... The Duke and I had no plans past the summer and I didn't' even know if I'd be in the northern counties for the weeks to come. 

Again, I do not have all the answers, but as the future has arrived, as it were, I can describe what has happened and what I believe may happen in the next few days. After that, it's still as murky as ever. 

I had the the delight of the Gameskeeper over the weekend, we were celebrating another year of his life and considering we hadn't seen each other in over two years(!) it was wonderful to see his face... Right before he passed out. But the chances are that I'll have the opportunity to see him a little more often now that I am being moved... 

Yes. I wanted to travel and it seems that my prayers have been answered. As far North as I am, there is still more countryside that I haven't yet laid eyes on, and I am being sent to Dearne Valley to learn their ways. Truly, this year has been very educational!

I have a fortnight before I have to travel into the unknown, so have chosen to reside in my Shire for a few days before heading South to Brighthelmstone. The entire length of this great nation is at my disposal, but I do feel it may exhaust me. I suppose I could utter the fateful words 'be careful what you wish for', but that would sound as if I am ungrateful for these opportunities, and that wouldn't be true. I love that I get to see new places, meet new friends and discover more about a country I do take for granted. I'm also enjoying being home and seeing my Father and my Ladies of the Shire. In actual fact, I suppose I have much to be thankful for. 

It does mean that the Duke and I have a few months of separation ahead of us, but it is not the same great distance that we have overcome before, and I believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. He has been more than supportive, and I look forward to him joining me in a few days...

Until then, I shall make myself useful before another journey even further South tomorrow. 



D. S.

I'm scared to write down what I believe may happen in the future in case I am cursed and the path I hope to walk down is blocked to me because I have uttered it aloud. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened, though I do not want to sound superstitious. To give voice to my future seems futile; as I have previously stated, only one thing is certain ~ change. 

So instead of speculating and umming and ahhing about what may or may not happen, I shall describe purely the facts.

What do I know?

The sun has made an appearance only to be blocked by the moon, an event I never though to witness in my lifetime. It was stunningly exquisite and made me want to weep with love for the world. It also however encouraged my wanderlust... I can only imagine what else is out there that could bring tears to my eyes from sheer beauty, especially that which I have not seen. 

All else I can state as fact is my return to Brighthelmstone in a few weeks. I am looking forward to the opportunity to ingratiate myself back in the genteel lifestyle, and hopefully it will make my future plans a little clearer. 

Indeed, even more so than Brighthelmstone, I am longing for the Shire. 

It doesn't happen often but when it does, the need for my countryside is powerful. I need to see the hills I call home and have a moment to reflect on what I truly want for the future because I'm sure that's one of the reasons why I'm unwilling to commit. Something about the Shire just makes sense, and I feel the need to make it my own, so that I may gain some clarity. 

What do I want? 

If only I could find the words. 



D. S.

Alack and alas, if only I could say what it was that my future holds, but I am just as in the dark as I was last time I wrote. 

All I can confirm is that I shall spend my Easter break in the Shire, enjoying the Spring festivities with my darling Ladies of the Shire... Before spending a fortnight at Brighthelmstone, discovering for myself whether I am up to the challenge of the role that has been designed for me, and giving myself a little more time to make a decision before the Summer is upon us.

The Duke shall accompany me to the Shire, but while I figure out what it is I need to do in Brighthelmstone, he is going to cross the Continent to visit his own family and friends. I think it is best that we have some time apart, only so that we can appreciate each other all the more upon his return. 

I have very little time to get my head around the idea of moving back down South for a few weeks, but it is only temporary... The Shire is always a delight to visit and I cannot wait to frolic with my childhood friends. No doubt there are many scandals and tales afoot that I have mislaid because I am not in close proximity to hear the gossip (nor to create it, thankfully!) so I am most looking forward to catching up with all that I have missed. 

Until that time arises I fully intend to keep my head low and continue with this personal struggle to learn what it is I need to learn to become a Lady-in-Waiting. 



D. S.

Again. A decision was made only to have it blown in the wind by a gentle breeze, scuppering any chances of stability in my life. 

It had been decided by the gods that I was to return to the Shire for the Summer. I had delighted in the fact that I would be able to return home for a good few months and enjoy a countryside lifestyle that I have missed before having to commit to another year as the perfect role model. But it seems the gods are more fickle than I gave them credit for, and now I have another decision to make. 



Brighthelmstone or...



The Shire.

They are both within my grasp and the opportunities are equally astounding, and I am more than delighted to be considered. However, I shall have to go through the pros and cons of each before I ultimately make my decision. 

Brighthelmstone is closer to my heart as I spent the last two summers there, frolicking on the beaches and making friendships, however I may not necessarily have the Duke with me and there will no doubt be fewer returners than last year and it is an enormous responsibility. 

The Shire is my home. I know the paths like the palm of my hand and I haven't spent more than a few weeks there since the Antipodes. Nevertheless, there are some memories of the Convent that I would rather keep under wraps and I would hate for history to repeat itself...

I have already made a decision in my head, but I sometimes worry that I plunge into new situations without spending the necessary time to consider the consequences (twenty year old me, I'm looking at you!).

Fortunately, I have the luxury of time before giving my answer. 

In other news, I have been joined by my Mother. She has been regaling me with tales of her travels yonder and I have to admit I am more than a little jealous. It doesn't seem so long ago that I was calling another country my home and discovering what it meant to live for myself. It is wonderful to see her, of course, but it is only a fleeting visit as she is soon to return to the Continent to visit her own father. 

It's amazing what we put ourselves through for our family.

I have much to ponder, and value the various opinions flying my way; it is interesting to note that the Duke and my Mother are on the same page for this...



D. S. 

A weekend alone is not quite what I had in mind, however it is a blessing to have a little solitude to get everything in perspective. Why does life have a habit of pulling the rug from under you, without giving so much as a whiff of explanation?

I am well versed in the art of hyperbole, but that doesn't mean the smaller changes don't have a large impact. 

The Summer has been decided and I am to return to the Shire instead of Brighthelmstone, to take a more responsible role as governess, patron? I'm not sure what to call myself other than Duchess. I may be rather unconventional, with my choices of travel and governing and teaching and learning but I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Though the Summer has been put in my diary, the months that succeed it are more than questionable. The Duke and I have continued our conversation and have come the conclusion of 'Que Sera Sera.' Normally I thrive at the unknown, I enjoy spontaneity and recklessness (for want of a better word!) however, I cannot help but feel that I shall miss out on some opportunities if I don't go out and get them!

I'm not even sure what opportunities I am referring to, only that this perpetual state of indecision doesn't agree with me. 

If it were up to me, after my Summer in the Shire, I would call another country my home. Giving my heart to an unfamiliar landscape, discover a culture that I am currently unaware of and learn another language that is foreign to my ear. It is what I have done since leaving the Northern counties the first time round and it seems that old habits die hard.

But not if I have to choose between travelling and the Duke... That is a decision I hope never have to make.



D. S. 

A return to normality? What would it even be like to have 'normality'? What does that even mean? 

If only I knew. 

I have returned to my studies and have had the greatest pleasure of spending more time with the wonderful ladies of the North. We have much in common and have discussed at length the fun we had many moons ago. Not too far in the discernible future shall we hope to replicate that evening with copious goblets of wine, when we have a little less to do and a little more to celebrate. 

The Duke and I have continued to discuss our future and never more have I been more unsure about what the future holds. 

The Summer, yes! The Summer I have already planned to spend at the Convent ~ Brighthelmstone or the Shire I have not yet decided ~ but after the long summer days... Then what?

The Duke of Albany seems torn between staying or going to pastures new and I know that I do not have the right to dictate his life for another year... And yes I do enjoy spontaneity, but I would like some say in the future! Somehow I doubt that that will be the case. Instead I shall have to while away the hours not knowing, having to make a decision at the very last minute. 

I'm complaining for the sake of it... I have nothing more to say that I haven't already said, and yet I still feel unsettled. I want to see the world. Yet I have another year before I can call myself 'teacher' and it irks me to know that I am chained to my responsibilities ~ even though I know this is a life I chose for myself. 

I don't know what it is I am looking for... But there is something else.



D. S.

Back in bed with the Duke and there is no where else in the world that I'd rather be. We are certainly enjoying our last few days of freedom before the great move North ~ and though the packing has begun, we are both a little apprehensive ~ it is no little thing for the two of us to make this sort of commitment to each other. 


The days are shortening and as I look out at the dimming of the sun, I know I will have to light the candles before I finish my writing this evening. The work I have started to indoctrinate myself to the finest arts of a genteel lifestyle are far more harrowing than I first expected: and I have only just begun to scratch the surface. The philosophies of those who are much wiser than I will ever be are interesting to read, and I'm enjoying the process of learning, though I know there is so much more to learn.

For me to become a Lady-in-Waiting to my Royal charge; three infants whose names are spoken with with hushed whispers as their progress is tinged with rumours. To think that I, someone who has had very little to do with children, will be involved in their development? It is an honour where I shall strive to be the greatest inspiration and motivator to these darling children. 

I cannot wait to meet them.

Until then however, I have the Shire to call my home, and the Duke and I are certainly making the most of the freedom. We are pushing our own boundaries in ways I didn't know were possible... To think even I have blushed at some of our extra-curricular activities is unheard of! But I wouldn't change a thing... In fact, I can hear him calling my name...



D. S.

Another sunny day in the Shire, but rather than waking up next to my beloved Duke of Albany, I am reclining on the chaise long of a Lady of the Shire. The same Lady who incidentally visited me in the lands of Bohemia many months ago. The Duke is having a weekend to himself - this is no philosophical retreat for some 'soul searching', nor is he reconsidering his imminent conjuncture with myself - rather he is making the most of his time with other Gentlemen and Lords as they prattle away after too much whiskey. 

I made the wise decision not to question his motives, and the wiser move to vacate myself from the premises. I can only imagine the drunken horror the men will give inflicted on themselves and I do not want to bear witness to it. 

Instead the Lady of the Shire and I have conversed merrily about the changing times, politics and love affairs , as well as a few more sordid details that I will keep secret. It is so refreshing to spend time with someone whose friendship spans over a decade so there can be no misgivings about who we are as people. I suppose this must be what it is like to have a sister. 

I have heard from my newer acquaintances - the Irish princesses are home safely and send their regards from across the Irish Sea. I still laugh at the thought of the scandal that erupted out of Brighthelmstone but I wouldn't have exchanged it for all the world. In all honesty I am missing those volatile vixens most keenly and hope to see them again before the year is out. 

But for today I intend to mark the most of my freedom and jaunt around the more familiar streets of my home town. 

D. S.  

My life seems to revolve around never ending endings - another chapter of my life has come to an end and this one is harder to say goodbye to than the last, despite being a much shorter endeavour. 

Brighthelmstone is coming to an end, and all today shall be an echo of heart-felt farewells. My Irish princesses who have retaught me that sometimes being a little bit scandalous is only to be expected, are leaving this evening and it puts a lump in my throat to think the rest of the summer shall be a little less rambunctious. One of the three Irish princesses certainly made her reputation known ~ only good things of course ~ but it is always a pleasurable experience to enjoy similar passions with someone new.

The Duke and I are packed once again for the move to the northern counties, but first we have a few weeks to spend in the Shire with my family. Well, what's left of my family. I do not want to divulge in stories that are not mine to share, but something tells me that my family has disbanded for once and for all. Continents further afield have beckoned my mother and she has listened to their call, while my father flounders after being left behind. 

Who knows? But it means these next few weeks before the Great Move North, will be no less than interesting.

Belle was supposed to celebrate her birthday yesterday but instead she spent the entire day trapped in a carriage on her way to visit us on the coast. We fully hope to make the most of the time we have together this weekend and spoil her rotten. After the last few years that she has endured she needs more than a pick me up ~ she needs her best friends pampering her and I hope we can do that once all the goodbyes have been said.

I shall dry my eyes before I allow the tears to spill down my face.

It is not goodbye, but au revoir.



D. S.

It is done. The Duke of Albany has done the unthinkable... He has made a promise to me that cannot be broken. Our lives have been intertwined for the best part of a year, and I long to spend the rest of my life with him, but seeing our home together in the Northern counties has truly opened my eyes to the commitment we have made to each other. 

There have been many men who have proclaimed their love for me from the various rooftops, but none have proved it in the way that the Duke has. This home for the two of us overlooks the stunning parks and river that I used to call my home. The memories I have are fondly remembered, but it is the future I look forward to with such zest. I love the Duke, I am truly infatuated, and I know that he feels the same way about me.

I can't believe how long it has taken me to admit my love. I know I have mentioned it in passing, but unlike previous relationships, I have yet to crow about my emotions like I normally do. I think it's because I was nervous; we fight an awful lot about silly, petty things, (and some rather larger concerns) but I can no longer imagine my life without him.

This summer has shown me what we mean to each other, and how much we rely on each other when the rest of our lives become a little too daunting. Even a long distance relationship, which we have survived, would not be enough for me any more. I have to see him, to hear him, to feel him. I have to smell his scent as we make love under the stars. 

I have never felt so on top of the world as I feel now. 



D. S.

Though it is an early morning for me and the sun is already blazing through the trees, my eyes are blurred and I can't stop myself from yawning. This summer is taking its toll on my sleeping habits, and I long for the time when I can catch up on six weeks worth of abandoned sleep. 

Don't think I am complaining, for I adore the work I do. It is most fulfilling though I never much thought of giving myself over as a compassionate and dedicated human being. But it shows that even in so little time as one year, things (and people) can change. 

At the end of the week, the Duke of Albany and I have requested to take some time off together and disappear to our future home in the Northern counties. It will be the first time I have seen the home he has chosen for us to start our future together, and though I know I will not be living in it while I work for my Royal charge, the prospect is enough to make me grin.

He truly makes me so very happy, and I cannot get enough of him.

Brighthelmstone is having its usual scandals, however this time I am not in the middle of them. The Irish princesses are loving life and enjoying it to the full (who can blame them?) and it makes me laugh to hear the rumours ~ though which are true or not does not matter. Scandal is only as good as the next scandal.

I have also tried to encourage Bell to come and join in the summer festivities even though her place has been rescinded. Of course she feels a little bit spurned, but she throws around the word 'disappointed' as opposed to 'outraged'. I'm hoping the Duke and I together can convince her to spend some time with us frolicking in the English Channel. Nevertheless, it will be delightful to see her again, and even more incredible to begin to imagine the life the Duke of Albany and I will have together.

Though I am tired, this is the thought that keeps me going. 



D. S.