As always I have no idea where to start... Other than the beginning, but that in itself is a rather tricky situation. Where even is the beginning?

I have just journeyed back from the tropical delights of the Kingdom of Siam, and am suffering from a a serious case of withdrawal. I travelled on my own, learning to love myself once again, and indeed discovering that my normally rather cold and calculated demeanour, melted away under the blazing sun and I am ready to try and care about other people. 

Of course I have always cared about my friends and my family, that goes without question, but my apprehension is more towards opening up to other people, allowing them to get to know me a little more intimately, rather than accepting me for the more brusque and brash personality that I am known for. It's a wonderous feeling to be so alone in another country where I do not know the traditions, culture or the language. It is truly eye-opening to discover how much I do not know about the world. It is humbling to be accepted by strangers with a wide smile and kind offer of hospitality. 

There were sights I will never forget: fish the size of my body leaping out of the water, flying towards large pieces of bread thrown from bridges and decks on the shore; lizards lazing in the sun on low-hanging trees, their scaly tails taut against the branches in the wind; palaces of gold and silver, diamonds glistening at every turn; statues towering over the throngs of people that crowded around them in search of some good fortune.


I have so much love and respect for the Kingdom of Siam, it was stunningly beautiful in parts - the river, the palaces and temples; the places of worship - both spiritual and material - yet they were contrasting in a painfully obvious, yet ignored way, with the squalor of wooden huts and corrugated metal houses that were hidden in plain sight, overshadowed by the grandeur of the architecture. It was an enlightening place to visit, and I know that the three days I had there weren't enough to do the city justice. I'm sure I shall find it in me to travel there again at some point in the future. 

The monks were something to behold, their robes of orange clashing brilliantly with the hue of the city, but more than that, they held themselves with such a poise that they were revered from across the street. Furtive glances were kept low out of respect and yet the monks had a look of serenity upon each of their faces. I was entranced by their very presence, even more so when I saw them out of context, beside the markets and peddlars rather than contemplating life beneath a fresco of their beloved Buddha. I still have so much to learn.

D. S.

My last post was rather nostalgic, and overtly selfish- for the new year I shall focus only on that which makes me happy. Because obviously it is only MY happiness that matters. 

That sounds like me in one of my more petulant moods, though it does seem to be a recurring theme in my life. Trying to make other people happy only ends in dissatisfaction and deflated expectations. However negative I may be sounding at current, I am actually grinning at a song that has begun to play, enjoying the luxury of time to myself to do what it is I love; to write, to draw, to create, to be me.

What Can I  Do? A very good question Rufus Wainwright. What else can I do but be myself? Even if that is occasionally selfish, conceited, arrogant and rude? I have the music just loud enough that I can't hear the outside world, and it's not the song itself that brings me joy, but rather the memories that have clung to the poetical words sung from a mouth more honest than my own. 

Had I spent the time to think or begun to plan my year as so many of my contemporaries have done, I would certainly say that my life has diverged somewhat from the original course I had set out on. But that in itself is why I do NOT plan. How can you guess what life will throw at you? 

Love? Death? Birth? Marriage? Natural disasters? Even those who claim to have a so-called-gift would never bet anything more their name on some of these occurrences that are just that... Inexplicable occurrences. It is a good idea to have a broadly, sketched-in-pencil, vague idea of what you would like to happen in your life. But a concrete plan? 

Foolhardy.

You're tempting Mother Nature to throw her worst at you, and I have no longing to enter into a game of wits with my goddess.

So, this year... Three weeks in and already I am claiming failure. Although I disagree with myself. I feel that the current turn of events (though slightly unexpected) are for the best. A positive influence that I wouldn't have dared to imagine. But then, only time will tell.

D. S.

As much of a cliché as it is to state 'new year, new me' at this time every three hundred and sixty five and a quarter days, I don't feel that urge. I don't feel any different at all to how I felt this time last week. I am more determined to focus on my favoured crafts; writing and drawing, but those are longings that I have all year round. The start of a new year only reminds me that life goes on, and there is nothing at all we can do about it.

I don't want to compromise myself, nor constantly adapt to suit my surroundings. I wish I could accept that I will not fit into every environment, but should rather spend time searching for my natural habitat - whatever that may be.

Anyhow, I have returned to the Far East with a bronze on my shoulders, and a flurry of fond memories, though it is truly wonderful to be home. Yes. I'm home. It may not be my native or natural habitat, but I have adapted the Orient to suit my needs. It is my home. For now. But I felt a huge release and the utmost relief as I stepped foot on the familiarly foreign soil. I have said similar things about various countries, but for the first time in half a decade I'm not considering where I can go next. 

I'm content with the space I am occupying, I just need to figure out how to spend more time doing what it is I love. 

As far as men are concerned, I am doing my utmost to keep them from my thoughts... There are always suitors, whether conjured up from the past, those who I can see and touch and taste in my present, or those that will somehow find a way into my future. I have spent far too many hours and days dwelling on these men. They aren't going anywhere, so I may as well accept that and do what makes me happy.

I close my eyes for what seems like a few minutes only to open them and discover I am once again staring a new year in the face, having little to no time to say goodbye to the year that was. I suppose I should fill in all that has happened during my adventures down under, all sorts of rumours have been flying as I haven't had the time, nay, the strength, to put the rumours to bed. But lying here in the sweltering morning sun on the last day of the year I feel I ought to give an explanation of sorts.

My last post, short though it was, dabbled in poetry and riddles, though it wasn't particularly clever nor rhythmic. It hopefully would have made you think of the land down under, a vast continent of reds and yellows, not too dissimilar from my childhood in Africa. My Mother has resided in the Antipodes for quite some time now, and it was about time I paid her a visit. All was going well until, on Christmas Day, my knee and leg seemed entirely out of sorts. I cannot begin to describe the pain, and though I am now on the mend, I had to go under the butcher's knife which rendered me somewhat incapacitated. The country has many wonderful views and creatures to ogle at, but it did rather dampen my spirits as I was confined to my bed chambers for the festive period.

Now that my spirits soar, of course it is time for my bags to be packed as I ready myself for my return journey to the Orient. I am looking forward to giving home; though it is certainly the strangest place I have ever lived, I feel comfortable and happy and of course it helps that it is mine. So as I prepare for another journey, the sands of time continue to pour, beckoning the start of a new year ever closer.

Resolutions should be at the forefront of my mind, but in all honesty, other than chasing my creative dreams, there is nothing more I wish to change. Maybe I'll just continue with those I conjured up last year...

It's amazing how much can change in a single year. I daren't begin to imagine what this next year has to offer.

D. S.

I am writing from the freezing temperatures of Bavaria with the Duke of Albany resting his head on my stomach as we warm ourselves after a day in the snow. We have visited distant relations in various palaces in between dodging the heavy snowfall that has yet to relent. 

It is so wonderful to have the Duke to myself again, truly we have the time to appreciate each other when on the Continent and for the next few days there is nothing to distract us from our more hedonistic lifestyle. It's lovely to be somewhere new again and I've made my gratitude to the Duke well known; I still can't believe he kept this a secret from me for all those weeks! 

Bavaria reminds me of the City of A Hundred Spires where I spent much of my early romance with the Duke. It too is a stunning city with buildings to inspire my writing, with a rich history that one couldn't have imagined, but more than anything it reminds me of why I love to travel and to live abroad. 

The Duke and I have given it much thought and though we are not sure whether or not we shall stay in the Northern counties for another year or so, there is talk of moving abroad again, which gives me much hope. I know there was a time when I wanted to call one country my home, but it seems I have a nomadic heart and as long as I have my Duke with me, I feel that I could take on the world. 

And why shouldn't I?

I plan on fulfilling these resolutions for next year... I'm not as perfect as I often claim, and what is life if not striving for a more fantastical year ahead. 

1. To travel to cities with friends and make memories. 

2. To save some money for the future... I cannot keep living this hedonistic lifestyle without recompense, for indeed I have fear of the debt collectors keeping me from my first resolution! 

3. To be happier and more patient. Though they are not one and the same I do believe that counting to ten before reacting will give me a little more peace of mind and essentially more happiness. 

4.  To work a little harder in everything I start. Whether that be writing, teaching, studying, research, I fully intend to give it my utmost. 

These are my new resolutions, and if you know me at all, I believe they are completely justified. 

Are yours? 

D. S. 

Another evening swiftly passes and with it a day closer to the surprise that the Duke of Albany is keeping hidden closely to his chest. We return to the Shire the day after next to spend the Christmas festivities with my Father and Brother, for my Mother still dwells on the Antipodean shores and his family reside in the mountains of Bohemia. 

It is our second Christmas together and I can only hope it is as magical as last winter. Though it feels like not much has changed over the past year, we have traveled many miles to be where we are today. There have been a few difficulties as the Duke and I have taken the time to get used to the northern counties; I do sometimes forget how lucky I am to have the Duke in the same country as me. We went so many months without each other last year that it seems strange to think after only four months I already take him for granted. My love for him has not diminished, in fact we are most inclined to spend our evenings cuddled up together in bed, but this surprise might be just what we both desire to reignite our passions. 

It's difficult to explain... I suppose love happens this way; the passions which burn bright at the start of the relationship tend to wane under the comfortable blanket of time. I sincerely hope that this surprise will be enough to reignite the fires of our love.

I had the pleasure of the Marquessa yesterday. We dined and drank and made pleasant conversation about our lives. It amazes me how time waits for no man, nor woman,  and we reminisced about how our lives have changed. The Winter Solstice is always a time for remembering, and I take back what I said, I do love my life, but it, nor I, are by any means perfect. 

I shall being to ponder upon my new years resolutions... And wonder where in the world I shall drink that first glass of champagne.



D. S.

Back in bed with the Duke and there is no where else in the world that I'd rather be. We are certainly enjoying our last few days of freedom before the great move North ~ and though the packing has begun, we are both a little apprehensive ~ it is no little thing for the two of us to make this sort of commitment to each other. 


The days are shortening and as I look out at the dimming of the sun, I know I will have to light the candles before I finish my writing this evening. The work I have started to indoctrinate myself to the finest arts of a genteel lifestyle are far more harrowing than I first expected: and I have only just begun to scratch the surface. The philosophies of those who are much wiser than I will ever be are interesting to read, and I'm enjoying the process of learning, though I know there is so much more to learn.

For me to become a Lady-in-Waiting to my Royal charge; three infants whose names are spoken with with hushed whispers as their progress is tinged with rumours. To think that I, someone who has had very little to do with children, will be involved in their development? It is an honour where I shall strive to be the greatest inspiration and motivator to these darling children. 

I cannot wait to meet them.

Until then however, I have the Shire to call my home, and the Duke and I are certainly making the most of the freedom. We are pushing our own boundaries in ways I didn't know were possible... To think even I have blushed at some of our extra-curricular activities is unheard of! But I wouldn't change a thing... In fact, I can hear him calling my name...



D. S.

So many days and weeks have passed since I last mustered up the discipline to write anything but drivel. I can't promise that this post is going to be enlightening, but that I have managed to somehow coast on a wave of inspiration is enough for me. For now. 

Bohemia has once again cocooned me in a silky haven of winter sunshine and soft waltzes. Christmas and new year strode past with a determination I have not seen since the White Knight blasted his way into my life over a year ago and I have had to take the time to sit and sort my head out.

The Duke of Albany and I shared some magical moments in the Shire and further up north in the company of my beloved Belle and the Irish Lady of Corcaigh. Even though the Duke had to suffer as the only male member of our retinue, he did so with such grace and style that I felt the other women's envy because his attentions were all focussed on me. I did have a slight worry about what the Duke meant for my future, but he put all my worries to rest.

A new year, a new me? 

Hardly. I have attempted new year's resolutions before to no avail and rather than shoot for the stars I'd like to work towards a long term goal. 

Travel and writing. They are the two constants in my life and without them I think I'd have become a shadow of who I am today. The Duke of Albany is also one to watch, I cannot imagine my life without him, though it is all very well to say that because he is still in my Shire, while I make myself comfortable in the Bohemian home of his forefathers.

It was not my decision to make, whether he stayed or not, but now that I am without the Duke, I miss him greatly. Oh well, I have lots to be getting on with before his return in a few weeks... Like that painting, and the artist...



D. S.

I guess nothing says more about a relationship than your first argument...

Can you remember what your first argument with your lover was about? Or even the last argument?

It's getting through the heated discussions that counts ~ the anger and resentment will either simmer down or boil over and either way it will be forgotten in the years to come. For I do plan on being in the blonde Esquire's life for years to come, and this first argument will be the first of many, and with every argument will come the apologies, and with every apology will come the promises and then the furore of sweet love making.

This particular argument started because of a hangover. Apparently I need to make better choices and decisions (who knew?) and start being more sensible... In fact, some could say that I need to 'grow up'. And yes, that would be a direct quote from the blonde Esquire's most kissable lips.

What makes the whole confrontation so much worse, is that he is right. I do need some direction and guidance, I need to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the consequences, and I need to learn to say 'no'.

But the more I get told everything that I already know... Well, the belligerent child in me wants to throw her toys out the cot, cross my arms and blow a raspberry.

I couldn't plan what my future holds even if I wanted to, because there are too many variables. I thought I'd have followed my heart back to the Antipodes by now to be with the Captain, or at least continued with my teaching and become a governess.

My life is ruled by inconsistencies  and all I have to hold on to right now is that the blonde Esquire may love me, but that is not going to stop him leaving me. I am slowly coming to terms with this, but even I do not know how I shall react when he finally leaves and I have nought other than myself to contend with - that and the temptations around. There is no other that I want, and I shall strive to be pure; distance is not an excuse, nor time an invitation, but I am only human.



D. S.

Darlings a wonderful new years tiding to you all! Apologies for the delay in writing this year but my life has been somewhat distracted by the frivolities that have been bestowed upon us by the holiday season!

A time to reflect has already passed me by, and I can confirm that I stuck to most of last year's resolutions, because although I may have let love linger in my heart for the Captain (and of course the White Knight dabbled with my emotions) I have not given my heart away to anyone! Of course, love and lust are two completely different things, for I have not gone an entire YEAR without satisfying my more carnal needs!

At the moment I am home with my Father - Mother has disappeared to console the needing arms of a female compatriot whose husband has left her for another woman - and I need the time to think about the past fortnight, before the blonde Esquire arrives.

New Year's Eve was a perfect night. Belle travelled the many miles to the Shire a few days before and we had the time to talk about our loved ones and gossip and laugh as if no time at all had passed between our previous rendez vous. The Court Jester too journeyed from the City of Dreaming Spires to spend the dawning of a new year with me in my new and more humble abode.

My ladies surrounded me, though the Duke's sister was notably missed, and I hosted the fun, the games, the music and dancing without a care in the world. And yet again the blonde Esquire did not disappoint as he turned up as expected and dazzled and delighted those dear to me. I have not yet shared the secret of our new relationship to anyone... I want to see how this reticent tryst develops under the nose of his Mother, and of course when the inevitable implosion of our allegiance occurs it needs to be as realistic as possible, with no chance of reconciliation.

For now I am to think about the future... Do I want to leave the Shire and travel to the Continent, or even further afield, back to the Antipodes? Do I want to persevere on my quest to find someone worthy of my patronage? Shall I give in to the unwritten institution that is marriage to satisfy my parents and find myself a husband? Or shall I just live day to day, loving life, and expecting nothing but happiness?

I know the latter question begs my own indulgence as life is never easy nor smooth, but at the moment I cannot fault the life I lead... Which I suppose is why I have so many questions. I want more to life, and that is why I know I shall not marry any time soon. Travels intrigue me, but working? This is something so unconventional for someone of my status that I feel I must endure the uncertainty... At least for the time being.



D. S.

I do hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I know I enjoyed the mulled wine, mince pies, carols and company of my family immensely, even when they are driving me around the twist. It's all a part of Christmas, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Of course I have more to write about than Christmas tidings; the blonde Esquire has kept true to his word regarding his intention to court me; the White Knight seems to have left my life with a noble farewell for the last time; and the New Year is just around the corner!

The past week has been filled with much merriment, and the blonde Esquire has provided the majority of the entertainment. We have dined and danced and dallied with all our spare time in the hope to appease his Mother. I have yet to meet her, but I have heard from the Esquire she is pleased with his progress. I wonder how long we will have to keep up this artificial pretense, but for now I am enjoying spending time with the blonde; we scheme and laugh without a care in the world. It is delightfully refreshing to spend time with someone without having to worry whether or not their intentions are true, or indeed having to behave as expected!

The White Knight however returned and made his purpose quite plain. He is to leave again for some battle abroad but hoped to return to a wife and the mother of his child. I was aghast at his presumption, and told him so quite smartly... We exchanged a fair few words and we both left each other with our egos bruised. I don't know what came over him; I was quite looking forward to his return. How was I to know that it was marriage he wanted?

I have, in the mean time, heard once again from the Captain. It is most sporadic but I do smile when I receive such correspondence. However I fear that time and distance have taken its toll on our feelings for one another. I will always remember him fondly and maybe... In the future? I shan't give up hope completely.

But now I have to plan the New Years Eve festivities (and of course consider my resolutions) and decide what theme, what invitations and what scandals may or may not occur. The blonde Esquire has given me his word that he shall attend as to whatever Ball I may throw, and Belle has written to say she shall join us in the Shire. I look forward to Armiger's company this afternoon and I do hope this, the final week of the year, has fewer surprises than the penultimate.

D. S.

Recently I've had days merge into mere times passing, never having any individual significance of their own; however these past few days have been more than memorable.

As a Patroness I have acquired a certain esteem and prestige that I look to maintain, and the next step was to acquire a household of my own standing without the help of my parents!

Fortunately there was another of my stature who was in a similar predicament; namely the Duke's sister. Together we decided that we would be able to conquer the mounting bureaucracy and effectively trivial but numerous tribulations, instead of fighting on our own.

Of course we were correct. Within days we had found the perfect abode to house the two of us, and only after the papers were signed and the servants unpacked our belongings, were we, or rather, are we able to spend our first night together!

Our aesthetic tastes may differ somewhat, but our personalities are more alike than the Duke's sister would care to admit, and I revel in the thought of the first soirée de maison that we can throw for all our friends and family.

To live without a chaperone, without a husband or family... That is quite the step, especially someone of my reputation (or perhaps because of my reputation) but the Duke's sister has given me the chance to explore my non-existent sensibilities and deep sensualities that I had never before even considered. Somehow, she has managed to conserve her own respectability (despite her behaviour) so she is classed far beneath my level of notoriety, (or is that above?).

Nonetheless, the two of us have a clean slate to start from and I look forward to the next journey of my life immensely.

D. S. 

New year's resolutions... I suppose I should have a fair few in mind before the end of the month and the end of the year creeps up on me unknowingly.


1. I shall not give my heart away to every man who tells me that he loves me.


2. Never again shall I be manipulated by those with cruel intentions.


3. This year I shall make some progress with the direction I want the rest of my life to go.


4. I shall decide on a county or even a country to live in for more than a year.


5. Labouring shall come to an end in the next year, and governing children shall take over my life... I think.





D. S.