Can you remember what your first argument with your lover was about? Or even the last argument?
It's getting through the heated discussions that counts ~ the anger and resentment will either simmer down or boil over and either way it will be forgotten in the years to come. For I do plan on being in the blonde Esquire's life for years to come, and this first argument will be the first of many, and with every argument will come the apologies, and with every apology will come the promises and then the furore of sweet love making.
This particular argument started because of a hangover. Apparently I need to make better choices and decisions (who knew?) and start being more sensible... In fact, some could say that I need to 'grow up'. And yes, that would be a direct quote from the blonde Esquire's most kissable lips.
What makes the whole confrontation so much worse, is that he is right. I do need some direction and guidance, I need to take responsibility for my actions and deal with the consequences, and I need to learn to say 'no'.
But the more I get told everything that I already know... Well, the belligerent child in me wants to throw her toys out the cot, cross my arms and blow a raspberry.
I couldn't plan what my future holds even if I wanted to, because there are too many variables. I thought I'd have followed my heart back to the Antipodes by now to be with the Captain, or at least continued with my teaching and become a governess.
My life is ruled by inconsistencies and all I have to hold on to right now is that the blonde Esquire may love me, but that is not going to stop him leaving me. I am slowly coming to terms with this, but even I do not know how I shall react when he finally leaves and I have nought other than myself to contend with - that and the temptations around. There is no other that I want, and I shall strive to be pure; distance is not an excuse, nor time an invitation, but I am only human.
D. S.
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