Another year and another Valentine's Day. This time however, though I am somewhere in the midst of something that is remarkably like love, I cannot dwell on the feelings that I have, nor do I really want to. 

That's a lie. 

All I really want to do is talk about love, and my feelings and gush about the other person in my life. But then I can't be critical and sardonic about all the other people who do the the exact same thing... Hypocrisy is an aspect of my nature I'd like to keep disguised for as long as possible.

So instead of telling the world how happy I am that there is someone in the world who gets ME, I shall instead regale you with tales of the Orient ~ my travels have continued to broaden my horizons and I have seen so much more than I could ever imagine. 

I have witnessed women of all ages standing underneath candlelight selling their bodies with a gusto that I generally save only for the bedroom (and the beach, that one time). I have taken part in customs that are still alien to me, but watched and learned with the utmost respect as traditions have surpassed all passages of time. 

The Far East cannot be defined by one culture, everywhere I travel there are snippets of differences that cannot be explained. No one tries to understand what it is that instigates these subtle changes, and it fascinates me to know that there are more places to visit that have no similarities. 

All I can suggest darlings is to travel ~ it opens your eyes, your mind, your heart, to worlds and possibilities that you didn't even know you were searching for. That is my Valentine's message to you... Love yourself and give yourself the life you deserve.

D. S.

A lot is going to change in the next few days, and once again I am in the midst of many goodbyes. No I have not packed my bags and left for some untravelled lands, but rather another chapter is coming to a close. My current position is in a turmoil and I have somewhere new to go, which of course means goodbyes. I have only been in my current position for a few shorts months but there is nothing like routine to make you realise that there are some wonderful people in the world and I am so grateful to everyone I have met. 

Travel is still on the forefront of my mind (and I know that I've said that more than once) and I have taken up learning what I can about the Orient. The language and culture are most fascinating and there's nothing more that I'd love to do than travel distant lands with my other half, the Duke of Albany. 

Indeed another holiday is looming, one that I've written about many times before, and it is a holiday dedicated to love. Love is an ever changing priority in one's life. As a child you think only of the love of yourself, having had it so freely given by parents and family. As you get older and desire men or women, you realise that love can mean power and games and lust and can hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe. 

Then as time passes, eventually you get to know love, and you can caress the emotions that you've got used to over the years and can greet love like an old friend. This love, this comfortable love where passions can ignite as quickly as they long to hold your hand, is a love worth knowing, a love worth waiting for. 

This Valentine's Day I hope that those I love feel appreciated and tell their loved ones how much they mean to them. For that is how I intend to spend my weekend... After I've said my goodbyes. 

D. S.

And he's gone.

A perfect week has ended and the Duke of Albany has left me stranded in the country of his forefathers. I should not complain for I have everything I could ever desire; he loves me and sees a future with me ~ so much so that he will move country for me! But I now have to wait until Easter before I can again touch the contours of his body.

Though I'm sure my body is grateful for the respite... We pushed the boundaries of propriety further than ever before, and I'm sure my limbs are still suffering with bruises from various instruments! Truly, I am no contortionist.

It took me a fair few days to recover from my  shock of holding the Duke in my arms despite his silence on Valentine's Day. And now that his intoxicating presence has dissipated I can find the time to breathe, yet I long for the scent of his musk. 

Of course we fought. I cannot remember a time when we didn't disagree on something, but for the first time we fought about our relationship. There is nothing to the argument other than it was fuelled by alcohol and doused by ferocious love making. I do not doubt there will never come a time where we agree on everything, and it makes for a far more passionate relationship. 

But now I have to wait. I have long distance to contend with... And we all know how well that's gone in the past (the Antipodean Captain and the Prussian Knight?) But this time it does not frighten me. I accept that time is currently not on our side, and I know I have the patience to wait for the Duke. Friends have scoffed (behind their hands, but still!) and no doubt bets have been placed, but I am confident in the love I have for the Duke. Nor do I believe his own feelings shall waver while he resides in my home country. 

I shall spend the rest of the evening reminiscing about our time in the City of A Hundred Spires and the memories we created there... I just hope the ache in my body lessens, along with the ache in my heart. 

D. S.

Darlings there is so much I have to report since I last wrote, but I shall start with an apology for my last melancholy musings. Valentine's day can be most traumatic for those who do not have a loved one to call their own; I do, or at least thought I did, but the Duke of Albany had forsaken me. Not only was the Saint's day a day of love, but he also had a decision to make regarding our future... Which, was also candidly ignored. 

I spend the weekend in a drunken and sorrowful state and by Sunday had resolved to spend sometime in Prague to try and lift my fatigue. 

Ah Fate. It could be said that she has had quite a hand in my life, especially more recently... I cannot forget how the Duke of Albany and I met, even though he was disguised. But a similar occurrence took me by surprise on my journey to Prague. 

Again Jeeves and I were stopped on the road, but rather than brandishing swords, a true messenger (or so I believe) handed me a letter with the Duke's insignia sealing the words between the parchment. I read the words I had longed to see three days sooner, and as my heart soared I made a decision to meet the Duke and his carriage on their journey to me as I was already on the road. 
The letter did not say more than he was coming to meet me and was only a few hours behind the messenger. No apology hid between the lines, and though I had suffered great heartache at his nonchalant attitude, I was too excited at the prospect of holding him once more in my arms, that all had already been forgiven.

He has now been by my side for two days and we have discussed our future in length. Neither of us are ready for a betrothal; we seem unable to take the archaic approach to marriage and would prefer to know each other far better before making that commitment. But it is a possible future that we do not want to ignore, so the Duke said yes, he shall follow me to the Northern counties in my home country so that we can see where this relationship shall go.

Never have I been so happy in all my life. My sadness has completely dissipated and I am over the moon to have my Albany back in my arms. Though it seems it shall be a fleeting visit. He is to return to the Northern counties and purchase a property that is suitable for he and his retinue. And he has been so bold as to ask me how I want my own room. 

Of course I still have the matter of the Royalty whose charge I am responsible for, but I have the whole summer to sort out the finer details of my future. All I know is the Duke is here and calling my name, and who am I to ignore his cries?



D. S.

Yesterday shall be remembered as one of the worst Valentine's I have ever lived through. 

It is normally a day that brings me much joy, and I revel in spreading the love without much thought to my own heart. However, this year I had pinned many hopes on the Duke of Albany.

I can't quite find the words. It is not something I want to write down because that will make it all too real. Yesterday I was in disbelief and suffered anger at his rejection but today? Today I'm in shock. After all we've been through, he couldn't even give me a straight answer, but rather just left me to flounder in his silent absence. I cannot believe he did not even have the nerve to send a letter. 

Nothing!! 

Not a single word of explanation. Did I really mean so little to him that he couldn't even bring himself to own up to his decisions? We had a wonderful time together last week but now my heart feels as if it has been torn from my chest. The tears that stained my face are finally dry, but nothing seems to make sense any more. How could I have trusted him? 

I should never  have asked him to move country for me. This is all my fault. 



D. S.

I'm back in Bohemia, and it is most comforting to have been so welcomed by all whom I know in this foreign land. Jeeves must have organised the secret soiree while I was away, and though I was tired from my travelling, it warmed my heart to have so many people cheer my name as I stepped out of my carriage and into my continental home. 

Again the Duke of Albany and I have parted ways, though this time there was no promise of following me across the Continent. It seems the Duke has business in my Shire that he cannot ignore, and though our time together (at least to me) was as passionate and wonderful as always, he cannot leave. Nor does he know when he shall next be able to.

Of course this makes me wonder at his commitment to me, and I feel vulnerable knowing I have asked him to move to the Northern counties with me. Contrary to the inner confidence I felt last week, I now feel sick at the thought of pinning fanciful future notions on a man that spent the first few months of getting to know me in disguise! 

(I'm choosing to ignore the fact I have disguised myself many times... Call it a woman's prerogative.)

Lamenting in bed mid-week is not how I envisioned myself in Bohemia. I was to spend my time writing and travelling. And thankfully my writing has not suffered the same damage as my nearly non-existent travelling. I know I flit between the Shire and Bohemia more often than milkmaid between her kitchen and her cows, but that is exploring and discovering new lands! I feel as if I have let myself down and focussed too primarily on a man who is not making me his priority. In fact I feel like a cliché.

Valentine's day is in two days, and that is when the Duke has to give me his decision about our future. Though now I am resigned to the rejection I am no longer looking forward to the day of love. No doubt I will spend it feeling sorry for myself, wallowing over the Duke's latest letter. 



D. S.

Oh the Capital! What an extraordinary place. Every time I venture to London town I remember my love for it and always rediscover a new found respect for the city.

It was unbelievably glorious to rendez vous with the Duchess of Tuthershire. She has not changed in the slightest and it wasn't long before we were drinking red wine and reminiscing of the past we have shared. The evening was shared with the most dramatic and entertaining of the Capital's performers and I was delighted by the sights, sounds and smells I was privy to. I would highly recommend anyone with a taste for the wild to venture down to the cellar where the Duchess of Tuthershire and I whiled away many hours.

The day was spent in the sunshine with the Duchess of Tuthershire and her other half. We experienced some of the more cultured sights and sounds than the previous night (which were of a more debauched nature) but all in all I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Capital and hope to venture there once more before I return to the Northern counties.

The Duke of Albany has not yet given his decision about whether he will or will not follow me up North and we both wait tentatively for one more week before I force an answer out of him. Nevertheless, he has made rather unsubtle hints, and I hope my silent optimism is not soaring for no reason. I adore being in his company and though we bicker, the absolution we grant each other is full of passion. So much so that it almost makes the arguments seem worth it...

I look forward to the Summer immensely when I shall have the company of Belle and the Irish Lady of Corcaigh. Our new years eve soiree made such an impact, and it delighted me to have my nearest and dearest around at all times. This Summer shall be the greatest (or so I hope) and I long to feel the sun on my back.

A few days is all I have left in the Shire before I return to Bohemia. The Duke has promised to follow in my footsteps and it warms my heart to think I will see him for the Valentine's weekend, if not the actual day.

I hope and pray that everyone I care about can experience the same love and affection the Duke and I have for each other ~ though I know not to say that out loud for fear of sounding arrogant and sanctimonious!



D. S. 

I hope I can be forgiven. I know I said that travel and writing are at the forefront of my mind and my ambitions, but love has taken me along a more scenic route and I am once again back in my glorious Shire in the arms of my Duke of Albany. It is only because of the holidays in Bohemia that I have the time to cross the Continent and it is so worth it.

The Duke has been playing an interesting game here in the Shire. He is winning over my friends and family, making a name for himself. He has an entrepreneurial spirit and uses his position, my reputation and our combined knowledge to his full advantage. 

We have finally broached the subject of my inevitable move North to be a Lady-in-Waiting to a Royal charge, whether or not he will join me, and under what terms. 

It seems he is keen to stay in England. The Duke of Albany may have a dynasty of his own in Bohemia and that is of course where his main responsibilities lie, but he has the fortune of cousins, aunts and uncles at his disposal. All of whom are more than capable of taking care of his duties, and willing too, mainly to keep their beloved Duke happy.

He was not surprised by the question I asked, and I know he enjoyed torturing me as I struggled to find the words to ask this man to move his entire life across land and sea, for me. The Duke has not given me a decision, but I did ask him to give it careful consideration. Who knows what scandals may erupt as we are not betrothed and I do not have the same ability to ignore gossip and hurtful jibes that I once did. 

Nevertheless, I do not want us to have to bend to the iron will of convention. For now, an equal appreciation of our carnal appetites and whispered nothings are all that I can hope for with this Duke. We have come so far since our first meeting when he disguised his true self from me, and though neither of us are afraid to speak our minds and we still have some rather volatile arguments, our relationship is built on a firm understanding of one another. There are no expectations, despite the love we have allowed ourselves to feel for one another. 

The Duke of Albany has until Valentine's Day to make up his mind. I shall be long gone by then and in the safety of distance can I hear the words he has not yet said. Oh Valentine's day. How the years have changed how I feel every time this day occurs. I still wish I was as young and carefree as the days I would write inspirational notes to the masses.

To give the Duke some time to think I am off to visit the Duchess of Tuthershire in the Capital. It has been nearly two years since we last laid eyes on each other and I can't believe either of us allowed that to happen! I am so looking forward to an evening of red wine and gossip, like we used to. It really is the little things in life that make me so happy.



D. S.

Darlings how did you all enjoy your Valentine's Day? I do hope you were spoilt rotten and inundated with gems, roses and jewels. It may sound shallow, but it is a good measure of a man to know what he'll spend on trifle things.

I had the most wonderful day, and though I know I owe an apology of sorts for my lackadaisical approach to writing of late, I'll let you in on a little secret... It's terribly difficult to write (or indeed think about writing) while being ravished by a blonde Esquire, or indeed with your arms tied behind your back to stop you from scratching what has seemingly become my territory.

Our farce of a relationship has succumbed rather easily to the eagerly beckoning call of the bedroom, and I cannot deny the utter pleasure that I have experienced beneath his gaze. Of course, this does only aid in the pretence to keep his Mother satisfied, but she is not the only one getting anything out of this romance. I've only managed to stay away from the blonde Esquire when called out to visit the Irish Lady of Corcaigh with Belle and her governess.

We recently crossed the Irish Sea and spent a joyful few evenings spinning yarns and dancing to merry jigs without a care in the world. Foreign castles were visited and even a menagerie, where we were delighted with the exotic animals! Belle and I adored seeing each other, no longer living in the North means that our time together is somewhat sporadic (much like my writing) but I do love that we have found the time for each other. Though of course I have to thank Belle's governess who had organised the entire trip without so much of a question! She too was wonderful fun; a more content lady I have yet to meet.

The weekend was perfect, though I have to admit I did miss the blonde Esquire... And from the rap on the door it seems he missed me too!

Adieu ma cherie, mon amour est ici!

D. S.

Darlings all the best wishes for Valentines day; the day that revolves around love, yet often leaves a bitter taste in many mouths.

I cannot admit to falling into the latter category, for I wear the largest grin on my face, and cannot conceal the happiness I feel. As I write I can see the blonde Esquire's muscular back, rippled in the evening glow, as he prepares a meal for the two of us to share. No doubt his Mother expects a proposal in the pipeline, however we are taking this faux relationship slowly - it has to be all the more believable when then inevitable end draws nigh.

However, true to his cause, the blonde Esquire has showered me with attention, love and jewellery! Not the order of importance, I promise! How can a girl who delights in diamonds ignore the one that now hangs around her neck without a smile on her face? Shallow? Undeniably. But the gift came from one who has become very dear to me. Even though our relationship is a sham, I can feel a firm friendship between the blonde Esquire and myself. There are no secrets, there are no boundaries; we do not need to bow to social convention as we have the freedom to breathe together.


Our relationship has grown out of a mutual truce and curiosity, and developed into the utmost respect while sating our more carnal desires. There is no intense passion, but rather an ease that ends in our laughing as we lie naked between the sheets.

Valentine's day always causes a few reminiscent thoughts to stray into the foray of my mind; turning back the clocks two years, I remember sitting in the library and writing anonymous love notes and leaving them in the library for anyone to find...  Oh my northern life! How it has disappeared into a vague memory in the grand scheme of life. Of course I miss it, but I know deep down it is the Court Jester, the musician, the Gameskeeper and Duchess of Tuthershire that I miss the most.

But today I shall quite happily make do with the blonde Esquire worshipping my every move. He does not claim to love me, we are undeniably keeping within our contract in order to ensnare his Mother in his attempt to court me. We are young, are allowed to have fun and play within the realms of the rules.



D. S.

A dull moment is just what I need after the week I've had, but why start now?


The brunette has barely left my side, though it seems she has acquired a new beau of sorts, and unlike her previous liaisons this looks to be a little more serious and somewhat permanent... I did say I wouldn't talk about her much after her obsessive behaviour over me but she has mellowed over the past two months and honestly I don't know where I'd be without her now. 


She has been my crutch while I cried my eyes out over a certain recently-turned-nineteen-year-old rower, and bolstered me to meet new men when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball in my bedchamber and feel sorry for myself.


Yet again the Captain and I are at odds and unsurprisingly it is from my own doing.


I spoke too soon.


A weekend walk amongst the waves, during the witching hour, began my demise as I couldn't ignore the longing in my chest... I had to discourage the Captain's advances, my heartache cannot take midnight kisses if they are to lead nowhere. Words were said that cannot be unheard and the Captain and I are no more. Again.

I did have the pleasure of the English gentleman on Valentine's Day... A stark contrast to last year! We shared many a story about our homeland and I have become rather attached to his outlandish personality. I could not have asked for a better distraction and seemingly though my men disappear rather suddenly at least my timing for a new one cannot be faulted!


I shall be seeing him tonight and I know he shall not disappoint me. I need someone to love just as much as everyone else... And the brunette's friend, though a wonderful one at that, is nothing more than a friend. I have a little soft spot for him, and I would hate to lose him. But there is no spark between us.


No more writing about the Captain from now on. I have moved on. Or at least I will do.





D. S.

Two days between posts! I'm rather impressing myself, though it might be more to do with the fact that I have very little to do... And it is Valentine's Day!

However I have devised a plan to leave little anonymous love notes around the Manor for whomever to find, just so they know that somone, somewhere, loves them. It isn't much but I do hope it brightens up at least one person's day!

For some reason I have a silly little smile on my face even though, once again, I have scuppered any of my own chances with love for today. 

I met with the coxswain and her Mother over the weekend... It was interesting to say the least! I completely understand the dilemma that she is in; her parents adore her but are very aware of their 'nouveau riche non-background' (I believe these are terms I am making up) and want to establish less tenuous bonds than those created solely on their finances. And of course marriage is the answer.

The afternoon tea went remarkably well, I managed to embellish various stories and the like and have built up quite a rapport with the coxswain's Mother. I also hinted that my younger (but not particularly young) brother would no doubt be coming to visit at some point and I would be sure to invite her and her family to the event. The coxswain's eyes betrayed a hint of surprise and worry, but I have devised a plan that should give the coxswain and Number 5 more time together.

Of course her Mother took up the significance of my brother's mention and will no doubt be reminding the darling coxswain of their situation in society and that it would be advantageous for her to remain close friends with myself. Indeed we should spend most days together!

The coxswain now has the perfect alibi for her rendezvous with Number 5 and indeed can join me in luxurious gowns as I walk the river watching the various gentlemen that row before us. A much more feminine and simple ploy than her disguise, though of course I would not want to jeopardise the excitement that that must bring to their relationship!

I know I haven't mentioned the musician or the Duke as often as usual in the last few posts because I am still reeling from my decision to stay. I know that puts a negative connotation on it and I do not regret my decision, but I am enjoying my dabbling in other people's relationships rather than concentrating on my own.

This weekend was lovely as I whiled away the hours in a public house (disguised of course, it seems that coxswain and I have more in common than I first realised), with the musician and his close friend the Gameskeeper, and indeed there were many men with whom I was introduced to. But regardless as to how I feel about one of them in particular, I am far too content to pursue anything... At this moment in time anyway!

D. S.

I know that it has been far too long since I have managed to post on here, letting you know what I have been getting up to and for that I apologise. However, with the gossip that I have I hope I can satiate your appetites...

Everyone I know has somehow managed to find the perfect partner; there are couples surrounding me and I am completely alone. So to alleviate my boredom while I am alone and to distract myself, I have been occupying myself with various activities... Namely, the art of attraction. It is far to easy but trying to lure different men with different tactics is most enjoyable. As of yet I have a one hundred percent track record, but obviously I don't particularly want to boast about my accomplishments, (though I think sometimes I even impress myself).

Right now I'm laughing at myself and my blasé manner. I know that my reputation would suffer if everyone knew, but I am succeeding in keeping it under wraps, barely. Apparently I need to acquire more of a history of my so called 'victims'; one of my successes is actually an acquaintance of one of the ladies I used to live with. But fortunately I managed to convince him to keep quiet about the little affair. What else can I do?

D. S.