Darlings I know I have been rather scarce of late, however the Convent's last few days were hectic to say the least, and while I was panicking about my future it seems like fate has intervened.

The Convent is over... Of course it is still running throughout the year, but my time has come to an end. Have I atoned for all my sins? I'd love to give an affirmative response, but other than my dalliance with the White Knite, which was of proper propriety, the last few days have been less so.

The priest's judging looks have waned, only due to his interest in the latest patron and his greed to claim even more monetry value for the Convent. I'd love to think that it was for the good of the church, the Convent and its parishioners, but I know better. 

The White Knight has suffered on his travels abroad defending our Great country, but he informs me that all will be well. I miss him, and I'm surprised by how much... It seems my heart has much more space than I'd previously imagined to cope with distance.

Speaking of which, my Antipodean Captain has kept in close contact, letters arriving nearly every day and they speak of that which cannot be mentioned. But I am pleased to say that I have reciprocated in a similar manner... I cannot wait to see him again, we shall not be able to keep our hands off each other!

On a trip to the Capital Belle finally broke her vow of silence; no explanation, no fanfare, she just responded to an indirect question! It seems she needed some space before making a huge decision and wanted to do it in the solitary confinement of the Convent... What the decision is though, I have yet to find out.

The nun departed earlier than most, leaving most hastily without a word of goodbye. I hope she is well, and that nothing has happened to her darling little boy. For why else would she abscond so hurridly?

As for me, I am home with Belle and an Irish lady from Corcaigh and we are planning a few days of rest, to recover from the last two months of the Convent. But not only do I have my friends about me, I too have had a decision made for me. Father has decided that I must make the most of my skills; no marriage just yet (though I could tell Mother disagreed with that) but rather becoming a Patroness in my own right! 

Father says he trusts me to choose and guide either a poet, musician, or author that will make our family name proud. I, for one am indebted to my Father. He knows and understands my appreciation for the Arts and I hope I can do his faith in me justice!



D. S.

Good morning my darlings. A very early Sunday morning to wake up to, but I still have a smile spread across my lips and it is only fair that I share my good fortune with the rest of you.


I have inadvertently been courted from afar by two different suitors; one of which already lays a claim to my heart but the other, well he is adamant that before the year is out I shall be smitten!


The Captain has written me often, telling me of the life he leads in the Antipodes, his own journeys and how his life is no longer the same without me there to mess with his head and toy with his heart strings. He sounds full of regret for his prolonged grievance towards me, wishing he had forgiven me earlier... The Captain's words are all I've wanted to hear for so long that I treasure each and everyone, discreetly planning my return.


However, there are distractions at home! Even though I have been put under lock and key at the Convent, it seems that I may be in contact with certain sinners. The White Knight has made his intentions crystal clear, he has courted me with a fervour that rivals none, the intensity of which is somewhat daunting.

Of course I blush with the sin of pride at the thought of these two men wanting me, and it worries me to a certain degree that the White Knight is tantalisingly close, whereas the Captain is still on the other side of the world... What makes the White Knight's presence more pleasurable is my Mother's ignorance this time round. It is more flattering to be wanted because of you, rather than because of your connections.


The nun has been missing her child greatly, getting almost daily reports from the Doctor who lives down on the Coast, but even through her pain she has been a great comfort to me. The priest on the other hand has kept his head down of late; fewer judgemental looks and he no longer chastises me in public, rather keeping his admonishments to the privacy of the cloisters...


It is nearly the start of a new month, and only a few weeks more do I have at the Convent... Who knows what will happen next, but truly life is more than wonderful today.





D. S.

It's difficult to try and explain why I am at the Convent, especially to those who don't know me well. 

Certainly I am no nun-in-training, they would never allow someone of my pleasing misbehaviour to grace the cloth. And though I teach, it is purely for the love of imparting knowledge, if not befitting of someone of my social status.

Thankfully I have been decidedly refined this past week, and though I am receiving a few unwanted looks, it is nothing I can't handle, and certainly nothing unexpected.

The Captain has kept a steady flow of correspondence my way, though it is I who has been a little bit lax, (I blame the lack of time here at the Convent). And though my feelings for him are not waning, I am trying to be more realistic... Until I have made a decision about my future, and I can guarantee my return to the Antipodes I cannot give either of us false hope.

I have seen no more of my previous amour, which is somewhat disappointing, but it is to be expected if I am gracing the cloisters of hallowed ground.

The brunette has disappeared yet again and I miss her dreadfully, though I shall never forget the times we had together. Belle is keeping refuge in the Convent, a vow of silence has graced her lips so there is nothing I can find out about the why of her whereabouts... She smiles though, and I do not fear that she is in pain nor doing an unnecessary penance.

Speaking of penance, I was walking past the confessional the other day and noticed a familiar looking shield lying next to a bench.... At first I couldn't believe that after all the time he was about to walk back into my life, but there he was, the White Knight.

I'm not sure if too much time has past for us to rekindle the blossoming romance from last year, (I know it's something my Mother would appreciate) but I felt it rather inappropriate to ask while he too tried to atone for his sins. (Of course I can't help but be curious as to what his sins are!)

I received a surprising note from the Brewer a few nights back as well, he seemed - as always - to be in good spirits, but there was a decidedly saucy undertone that I've never felt from him before! It has been far too long since I have seen the Gameskeeper or Brewer, but I'm intrigued to know how our friendships will have fared the time and distance of the last year.

My darling nun has been keeping my spirits up when I've had to cope with the scrutinising look of the priest. My presence is clearly unwanted, and they think my atonement is a farce, another means to gain unnecessary attention... Judgement comes far too easily to some people.



D. S.

I have returned to the Convent and already I feel that I have too many regrets in my life.

Normally I love to live life to the full and take on any misdemeanours as an adventurous experience, however the judgement that I have to cope with from the priets here is rather difficult. I know I have come to atone for my sins, but the guilt I feel for some of the antics from last summer is somewhat crushing and I dread to think the hours I will have to spend on my knees praying for forgiveness.

It was wonderful to see the nun, she hasn't changed at all and we laughed (probably more than we should have while in a Convent) at the year that has passed.

A complete surprise was the appearance of a dear friend from up North... Her dark curly hair was instantly recognisable, but I could hardly comprehend as to why Belle was in a Convent! Obviously it was an absolute pleasure to see her, but we haven't had the time alone together to talk about why she isn't up North (and with the Gameskeeper).

Talking of lover's, my darling Captain has sent me a letter keeping in touch with a lot more ease than the previous month. He repeats how much he misses me, how the beaches that we used to spend gorgeous evenings together remind him of me, and that he is to begin some travels.

I miss him so much, I want him to visit but I can't expect a nineteen-year old to journey to the otherside of the world... Can I?

Another surprise visit was from the brunette! I had no idea she was returning to the green lands of England, but of course it was a delight to spend time with her. She is not here for long though, and we have already parted ways. Unfortunately she was not interested enough to join the Convent, (and honestly I don't really blame her) but of course seeing her reminded me of the Captain...

My previous amour has kept in contact since the other night and though I am longing to give in to my desires I may have to wait until after my time at the Convent. This is definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life.



D. S.

I must have spoken too soon, for no sooner had I returned home from my previous amour's chambers did I see a letter upon the table in the South Wing. It was hand writing that I recognised, and it filled me with hope!


To think that a letter can have a similar effect on me as to the days when I used to encounter the Captain, but a letter is all I have of him at the moment.


I don't know if I am patient enough to contend with the distances between us. It took over a fortnight for me to hear from him, anything, while I had ripped open my emotions and bled them onto a page for his disposal. He says he misses me. 


I know how that feels.


He tells me to keep out of trouble. (How does he know?!)


The Captain wants to hear about my life, and all I want to do is tell him, to whisper it in his ear and have him laugh at my misdemeanours, chastising my silly behaviour, knowing that he'd never leave me...

But he is 12,000 miles away. And I start at the Convent this weekend. 


No frolicking with the past lover (who I have to admit has crossed my mind more than once these last few days).
No provoking or scandalising any priests (even if they deserve it).
No drinking to forget the pain in my heart. It's not a solution, it only prolongs the agony because I'm subdued.


I shall learn, teach and pray for the future.


I look forward to seeing the nun again. I wonder how much her little boy has grown!? I worry about my love for the Captain but there are greater miseries and mysteries in the world.


If my love for him diminishes then he will always be a pleasant memory to warm cold and lonely nights.


If, however, our love prevails, then it will be all the sweeter for the time and distance between us.


Or so I keep telling myself.





D. S. 

I wish I could say I've been better behaved than last week, but that isn't strictly true. I haven't been any worse, but it has taken me a wee while to calm down and get certain frustrations out of my system!

Seeing Armiger again was of course wonderful, the City of Dreaming Spires is stunningly beautiful and I adore his new-found friends. There is nothing I love more than to sit and discuss an array of topics while slightly befuddled; not everything we say makes absolute sense, but there is no one to judge us. Of course at the back of my mind it reminds me of the company I kept in the Antipodes just before I left. The philosophies of life that we discuss here are of a less religious nature however: it seems our lives are forever dictated by politics (and love affairs). 

I'd love to know what my darling friend, the Duchess of Devonshire, would have to say about the company I kept in the Antipodes!

But once again I am in the Shire and have kept a rather sedate pace of late (if only for the past two days).

However, I have had a memory prolonging its welcome in my mind, though it was only a dream of a few night ago.

Upon a ship, there I was with my Mother, who was uncharacteristically calm and collected, in spite of the treacherous waves and the vendetta the rough seas seemed to have against us. Even more striking was the sunshine that came with the storm! But dreams never make much sense, do they?

It was a pirate vessel, and the Captain I did not recognise, for it was not my love. But the ship and crew, though flouting their pirate flag, were kind and not terrorsome. In fact it was the Captain, who was not my Captain, who took my Mother and I below deck so as not to ruin our dresses.  Where we were sailing I could not know, but in my heart I felt as if I was going home. No sooner had the storm faded, as they do in dreams, did we arrive at my one and only City of Sails!

My Mother's presence disappeared, but that is understandable for I did venture to the Antipodes on my own, and there I was, a stranger in a land I knew so well. There was no one to greet me, but I was unafraid. The Captain who was not my Captain, gave me one piece of advice: Go home, it's the only thing you're looking for...

Alas, as dreams have a tendency to do, I awoke before I could traipse across the City of Sails home. But where is home? I lived with family for so long, I cannot expect to depend on their hospitality for ever, but it was only a dream. As I opened my eyes I saw the sun peek through the clouds over the Shire hills this morn while the South Wing gave a majestic yawn. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed to wake up in the Shire before, but I managed to expunge the feeling with a brisk walk.

Back in the real world, in this life controlled by contrived conventions, I have heard from the nun, though the news is not something that elated me. By chance, a certain man that I do not wish to see is returning for penance at the Convent over the summer.

I go because I wish to assuage any guilt from my misbehaviour, that and the old gossips love to talk about how I've 'let my family down' because I have yet to marry. The Convent certainly keeps them quiet and that is enough for me. I have to admit, that I too love the peace of mind, and teaching the children. Who'd have though, I'd ever have acquired a love of teaching?

But the Convent may be less of a Sanctuary this year if I have to put up with some unsavoury characters... I too may have to join them in penance! These thoughts are most un-Christian of me!

Talking of my dream has got me thinking of the Antipodes again, and my writing seems to have become most disjointed.

I want to go back. Not just for the Captain (who I have yet to hear from), but for myself. I feel that I left a part of me behind, and it's a vital part that I can't live without.

D. S. 

Home sweet home. 


I don't know what I was worrying about; the Shire is everything I remember, everything I have forgotten and so much more! Seeing my ladies, knowing that nothing has changed as we laughed, reminisced and talked about the latest scandals was pure bliss after my harrowing journey home. 


I'd half hoped that the Captain would make an unexpected appearance as I left the Antipodes, but it seems fate has decided we are to be star-crossed lovers, unable to be together, or even say goodbye, because of a few thousand miles. I'd left a note with the brunette to give to the Captain, another apology though I'm sure he has had enough of those, but I couldn't leave with nothing to say.


Three days of travelling in solitude gives one a unique perspective on life. I met so many people on my journey, each of whom had an incredible story to tell. I was enraptured with princes and paupers, of travellers and fishwives. I know I have made mistakes, I am only human. I don't hate the person I am today, in this moment, so how can I say I have regrets?

The nun reminded me that I have always said live life with no regrets. My mistakes have made me who I am, and I am happy with myself, even if not with all of my decisions. I love the phrase a passing Frenchman whispered in my ear, 'que sera, sera'. It's so true, the world isn't going to stop turning because my heart is breaking. 


I love the Captain, I love the time we had together, I love all the memories I have of him. But now I'm twelve thousand miles away. Now I love my friends, my family, my Shire, my home. If he was here as a part of my life I'd love him all the more, but he's not. I'm not going to forget him. He'll always have a place in my heart; but as a memory that I unwrap on cold and lonely nights to remind me of what once was.


I get to spend the day with my dear ladies and catch up on all the gossip of the Duke, the Brewer, Armiger and the Court Jester... I love nothing more than to be with my friends, they do not judge, they do not hold grudges, they only love that I am home.





D. S.

This is going to sound dreadful but sometimes I wish people purely wanted friendship from me, not my body nor a physical relationship. I have whined about this to the olive-skinned brunette a few times who just laughs in my face, and the nun writes letters to me telling me to keep chaste until I find someone worth having.


It's such a ridiculous problem, but I miss the company of Armiger and the Court Jester, the musician, Gameskeeper and Brewer, each a gentleman and close friend in their own right, without the rigours of amorous play... Maybe I shouldn't include the musician, but he was the one that wanted friendship and I took that for granted.


Now I have met wonderful Antipodean men, each with incredible stories to tell, short quips to make me laugh and the time and enthusiasm to show me the country I am slowly falling in love with, but they drown me in attentions I do not want.


Can a man and woman not be friends in this part of the world without some sort of sexual intention?


I feel objectified, as if I am nothing more than a future plaything for some gentleman, courting me with a furore that English men lack. At first I enjoyed the not-so-subtle intentions but it has become tedious for I can do no chasing when it is offered to me on a plate. 


I suppose this is why I still have feelings for the Captain. I had to fight for him. I have to fight for him still. Though I refuse to ruin our new-found friendship to satisfy my lust... (Though I know I'm being flippant, he means more to me than just a roll in the hay.)


But he has made it clear that friendship is all he wants, and though I am a little disappointed, more of me is relieved to have him back in my life at all. There was a moment when I thought I'd destroyed any semblance of a relationship with him and it hurt to think it was of my own doing. 


I know how fortunate I am to call him my friend, and in my final few months in the Antipodes I plan on keeping it that way. The Captain will be my refuge as we slowly build our friendship again. Lord knows how I've missed him.





D. S.

Evening wanders seem to have taken over my life as I trundle across the beach arm in arm with the masked guest... He has wined and dined me like a true gentleman, teaching me of his craft as a Stone Mason and I enjoy the little titbits he tells me of the city he has helped to build. He is the perfect distraction from my days of labour and we share a frank relationship; there is no talk of the future and no discussion of philandering. I do not know where this is going to lead but I am enjoying the current situation. 


That is, if I don't think outside the world my masked guest draws me into... The real world, unfortunately, is fraught with slippery decisions and potentially fatal consequences. 


My olive-skinned lover has made a series of demands that I cannot accept; her fiancé mewling at her feet like a stray cares not for her actions only for her praise. I fear I cannot abide their presence for too much longer and it shall mean the termination of our relationship. But how does one remove an unwanted guest? Mother has told me to be direct, but my olive-skinned brunette has lived in my bedchamber for nearly a month and it is impossible to find the words to rid me of her ever nearness. She dislikes my masked Stone Mason and is forever intervening in my life... I feel hampered and wrote to the nun asking for help. If anyone can help me it will be the Church, though I know I have been less faithful in more recent times. 

It's times like these when I miss the Court Jester and Armiger the most. The two of them were like brothers, but so much closer to me than my own. They did not agree with my every whim and were never afraid to speak their mind. My brunette argues with me constantly but it is never for my sake, she has her own agenda that I cannot fathom and it is not something I want to be a part of. 


There is yet another admirer I have subsequently failed to mention; Rowing, it seems, has made it to this side of the world, and I am keen to rectify my position as Patron to a new Boat Club. I am in talks with a Captain here in the Antipodes but he is nothing like the previous Captain whose amorous intentions were made clear at the Ladies Dinner many months ago...


This Antipodean Captain is rather young in comparison, indeed he is the same age as my younger brother (which horrifies me every time I think of it). But he is ever so keen and obliging to my every wish and he mollifies my mood swings and has an enthusiasm that knows no bounds. He is different than the masked Stone Mason, though I'm sure they share a carnal thought, but no less refreshing. 


I shall write to the Coxswain and let her know how my love life fairs, for her insight is always much appreciated!





D. S.

I have received a letter from the nun who is still living on the Coast of my England. She is well, enjoying motherhood immensely and has sent me a lock of her darling son's hair. He must be getting rather large, I cannot imagine what he'll look like when I return, and who knows when that will be... The nun also sent word of the Doctor who is in on our little secret, apparently he has continued to enquire after me, even though there are twelve thousand miles between us. That is rather hopeful, but I shall take the time to write to him over the next few days.


My Mother has finally arrived on this side of the world, and the heavens opened over the Antipodes to mark her entrance to this new world. It has been wonderful to catch up with her and hear all about the Shire, my Father and of course my Brother the Carpenter! They are both well, though living far apart because my Brother is far too engrossed in his apprenticeship to live with the distractions of home, but they are both looking forward to joining us this side of the world for Christmas. There is much I want to show them, nothing more so than the beautiful greenery and forests that this country has to offer.

The ever-so-manipulative brunette has continued to rampage through my thoughts and into my life with a furore I didn't think possible. She has a zest for life that outruns my own and I can't seem to help but treat her with adoration. It is terribly frustrating for I know she is doing her best to ensnare me with her charms, and I hate that even with this clarity I can do nothing to stop the inevitable. 


She frequently makes sly comments referring to our deviant liaisons at the Manor house back in March, and isn't afraid of touching and caressing me, even at the most inappropriate times. God knows that she shall never be introduced to my Mother, and I had thought these days were over of lying to my parents about who I spend my leisure time with.


I cannot believe how prudish I sound! This isn't me. I normally thrive on illicit behaviour, leading the way forward for a sexual revolution. What has she done to me?





D. S.