The time between written posts passes too quickly and there are days when I forget that I have a duty to myself to record what it is that I do, where I go and how I feel. I wonder how long it'll be before this hobby of mine dwindles to a halt and it too becomes a fleeting memory, for I have no greater commitment in my life than the few words I share on these pages and the colours that I allow to drip on to a blank canvas. 

Though life is not as bleak as I portray it to be. 

Actually I am ever so fortunate. Another year older if not wiser, and though the frivolities were many and the permanent marks almost as damming as in previous year, I do feel more content. There are moments of dissatisfaction, but in general, I cannot believe my good fortune and I hope I show my appreciation to the Goddess. 

I only have a few more weeks in the Far East before returning to the Shire for the summer. Again I shall be at the Convent, (I cannot remember a time where the summer and the Convent weren't intermingled), and I shall have my darling Irish Lady by my side. I cannot wait to cavort in my overly-familiar stomping ground with my blue-eyed darling. She is almost as adventurous as I am in some aspects, and far exceeds me in others!

It will be delightful to catch up with my wonderful Ladies of the Shire and I cannot wait to watch my darling Armiger walk down the aisle. There are so many people to see and so many people that I am looking forward to spending some time with, if only for a few long summer evenings.

Though it cannot be said that I am not enjoying my time here in the Orient. I am off on some more travels in a few days, accompanying a truly captivating creature who I daren't write any more about at present. The Scottish Earl is still sojourning in the Far East for a while longer, which makes for interesting dinner conversation. And the musician, with his deep, soul-searching eyes... He is more than a little difficult to comprehend. Indeed, there is all manner of confusion in my head and heart and I know that I am the one who is going to end up burned, but truly I don't know how to do anything other than what I'm doing... I shall just have to wait and see how I manage to cope with the path I have forced myself down.

D. S.

I ended my previous post with a thanks to the Lord, an unashamed, unabashed plea for the good times to stay, in exchange for my appreciation and gratitude. So far, I must say that my prayers have been answered. 

My Mother joined me here in the Far East a few days ago, and though her journey was tumultuous, she has taken to the Far East like a duck to water. I forget that she has travelled as much as I have in her younger days, and though this is her first time to my Eastern city, she is more interested in the people I know than the places I have been. So we have dallied with friends, wandered the mountainside, delighted at the spectacle of dancing water that has astonished so many visitors to my Easter home. I am glad that she is enjoying herself and I hope she gets just as much enjoyment out of her own travels to come. 

Before Mother arrived I did have one day worth writing home about. It was a Wednesday and due to a wonderful tradition, everyone was in fiesta mode as we were celebrating the King of Festivals. I spent the morning in a state of undress with an artist of note - nothing like the portrait of Venus the Duke of Albany had commissioned for me all those years ago - but rather something much deeper and darker, and I have to admit it took me a fair while to get comfortable with my body being scrutinised in such a way. 

That afternoon I jaunted over the waters to a larger city to spend time with the Scottish Earl who surprised me with a visit. I couldn't not see him while he was in town, and there are rumours that he may be here for a little longer than expected. But of course it should have been scandalous to jump from one situation to another, yet it looks like I am used to these various trysts. 

The final chapter of the day was a complete surprise, even for me. I had left my painting class after my delicious dinner with the Scottish Earl and was wandering the streets of this most glorious city, when I heard the ever-so-familiar notes of a ballad from a musician I hadn't thought of in months. I couldn't help but be drawn to the sound. 

I didn't expect to see the same deep, dark eyes staring back at me from an equally shocked face from my travels in Indochina many months before. The musician continued to play, ever the professional, but the second he had a moment to spare, there we were laughing and talking about our fond memories from before Christmas. He was never someone I wrote of as an individual, always too wrapped up in the man who made me see myself, but now, now that I know what I am... I still can say nothing more. Not until I see him again.

And of this beautiful Iberian princess that I have become acquainted with...? For now, I have no words.

D. S.

I have barely left the bedchamber, wrapped in sheets, dripping beads of perspiration, uttering ceaseless moans of pleasure. I cannot repeat any further the misbehaviour that has taken place at my abode, but think no less of me, nor my actions, for the ruse is slowly slipping away.

The blonde Esquire has managed to tame the beast within; I no longer ache for the touch of anonymous lovers, but am more than content with only him. Though this relationship started as a farce, our intentions have twisted and turned and true emotions have crept in between the lies. 


I do not know whether his unrelenting honesty as the catalyst of our secret tryst makes me trust him more, or whether I am falling for a man whose every intention was to make me love him, but I do know that I am falling for him.

Four months have passed and I have not looked at another man. At first it was a game, keeping me entertained as I played along with the blonde Esquire's needs. But now? I am anxious when I do not hear from him, we barely leave each other's sides and our families have mentioned words that cannot be unheard - betrothal.

Of course I question whether or not his Mother was in on the ruse from the off, and if it was me that has been played... But I have asked time and time again what it is he wants and I constantly get the same response.

'You. I want you.'

I have been wanted and lusted after by so many men... The English gentleman, the Scottish Earl, the White Knight and they too were adamant in their wanting of me, but I am not fool enough to believe they all loved me. In fact, I can happily admit that their intentions were purely physical, but I cannot deny that mine were all too similar.

But when the blonde Esquire looks at me, I feel his want, his ice blue eyes burn into mine with a desperation that could not be fake; no one could possibly emit a look so loving as he. Besides I have heard all the lies that can be said, I could recognise the empty promises without a word being uttered.

For example, the White Knight played the part of chivalrous second-place oh so well when I first began the blonde Esquire's ruse, but a few months down the line? It seems he was more interested in having me to himself and has long since lost contact entirely. A little bit shocked I was, but the Duke's sister has comforted me in saying he has cut ties with all of his ex-lovers in a similar vein so I ought to think nothing of it. She is right, of course, but my pride hurts, for one always wants to think of themselves as the main attraction, and not as a milieu of courtesans.

However I shall ignore the obvious cry for attention and focus on my happiness. It is true, I am so happy I could burst. I wish the rest of the world could feel my happiness... I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but I shall revel in the joy I feel, for who knows how long it shall last?

D. S.

Oh how I do love the Christmas festivities! Everyone seems to be in such jolly moods and there is goodwill to all men. Of course I am referring specifically to the time spent at the Christmas Ball on Friday night, but I shall get to that, eventually.

I had the most wondrous pleasure of the Court Jester in the City of Dreaming Spires last week; we dined and talked as if no time at all had passed since our last encounter, little realising that over a year had slipped by. We talked of many things, fools and kings, both in our retinue and those further abroad. I do hope we will manage to coordinate our lives accordingly so as to spend more time together than we have done previously.

However upon my return to the Shire, my ladies were all a flutter about the ever approaching Ball. I cannot deny that my heart was in my chest; not only because this would be my first outing as an independent woman, standing on my own two feet, but secondly I'd had another glimpse of the blonde stranger... Intrigued would be such an understatement!

I cannot say what it is that beguiles me, but I am drawn to his 'je ne sais quoi', the knowing smile is ever so tantalising and yet, he does not mean to make it easy for me. I daren't ask his name, for fear that the spell will be broken.

Thinking of brokenness only hardens my heart: I read somewhere that if you are in love with two people you should always choose the second, for if you were truly in love with the first, you would never have fallen in love with the second. As much as I long for the Captain, he is somewhat displaced within my thoughts. I think of him almost carelessly, like the words to a much loved and much heard song; a lullaby that will never be forgotten, but is all too soon grown out of...

Ahh yes, the Christmas Ball. I was on my best behaviour (for a change) and enjoyed the game the blonde stranger played with me; catching my eye and making me blush! The subtle flirtations were rather hushed compared to my more brazen approach, but I do enjoy the chase and the indication of what is to come!

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I, for I cannot get the anonymous blonde out of my head, and for some silly reason his every mention makes me smile... 

D. S.

Not for the first time fate seems to have taken an unexpected turn... The White Knight has once again to own up to his responsibilities and duties to our country and leave the Shire on the cusp of a possible relationship. 


I do not deny my disappointment in the failed endeavour for I feel his intentions were genuine, but there is another man that my heart yearns for...


Of course the Captain has not been forgotten in betwixt the White Knight's courtship, however the Captain's name is not a lone memory. A previous amour (if not THE previous amour) has tainted my dreams with the echo of his love making, and I cannot help but crave his touch!


It is terrible for me to think such sinful thoughts while at the Convent, but this abstinence is only felt all the more keenly as time continues to elapse! I'm sure Belle is feeling the same way, and she cannot even vent her frustrations through word of mouth because of her vow of silence. I could not give up both at the same time, that is for sure!


I only have two weeks more at the Convent, then I shall no longer have to contend with the judgemental stares of the priest's. I do feel that I have learnt a lot more this year as I have not strayed into the Scottish Earl's arms, nor have I forgotten my feelings for the Captain. I truly miss him... As do I miss the touch of a man!


I have to stop thinking about that; these sordid thoughts are not meant to be written down. If my Mother were to read this she would turn fifty shades of scarlet with embarrassment! But it cannot be a sin to think of what I would do if the Captain, the White Knight or paramour were here... Can it?





D. S.

Home sweet home. 


I don't know what I was worrying about; the Shire is everything I remember, everything I have forgotten and so much more! Seeing my ladies, knowing that nothing has changed as we laughed, reminisced and talked about the latest scandals was pure bliss after my harrowing journey home. 


I'd half hoped that the Captain would make an unexpected appearance as I left the Antipodes, but it seems fate has decided we are to be star-crossed lovers, unable to be together, or even say goodbye, because of a few thousand miles. I'd left a note with the brunette to give to the Captain, another apology though I'm sure he has had enough of those, but I couldn't leave with nothing to say.


Three days of travelling in solitude gives one a unique perspective on life. I met so many people on my journey, each of whom had an incredible story to tell. I was enraptured with princes and paupers, of travellers and fishwives. I know I have made mistakes, I am only human. I don't hate the person I am today, in this moment, so how can I say I have regrets?

The nun reminded me that I have always said live life with no regrets. My mistakes have made me who I am, and I am happy with myself, even if not with all of my decisions. I love the phrase a passing Frenchman whispered in my ear, 'que sera, sera'. It's so true, the world isn't going to stop turning because my heart is breaking. 


I love the Captain, I love the time we had together, I love all the memories I have of him. But now I'm twelve thousand miles away. Now I love my friends, my family, my Shire, my home. If he was here as a part of my life I'd love him all the more, but he's not. I'm not going to forget him. He'll always have a place in my heart; but as a memory that I unwrap on cold and lonely nights to remind me of what once was.


I get to spend the day with my dear ladies and catch up on all the gossip of the Duke, the Brewer, Armiger and the Court Jester... I love nothing more than to be with my friends, they do not judge, they do not hold grudges, they only love that I am home.





D. S.

It seems that I saved all my bad behaviour for this summer!

Every year I make new resolutions that fade into the background as life takes hold but compared to last year, and with my infatuation with the musician, I thought I'd been relatively well-behaved. However, I seem to have over-indulged during these summer months; causing havoc at the Convent, scandalising my (non-existent) reputation, fraternising with the Scottish Earl... Is it dreadful of me to be proud of myself for not pursuing the priest?

I cannot believe that I even had audacity to utter those words, but his blunt judgement of my character has reformed me somewhat, and I still crave his approval. I know that I have left the Convent and I won't see the priest in close proximity any time soon, but even at church I'll feel judgement pass through his eyes. Am I really that awful, that immoral? Actually, that is not a question I want answered.

The Duke's new cousin-in-law, his former betrothed, has yet to grace the Shire with her presence, as is the custom for a new bride. Of course there are a few altercations with the new marriage, but I would hate to be estranged from any of my family due to an improper wedding but the Duke being the Duke has failed to mention the occurrence, let alone his own feelings. Of course I shouldn't expect any less. 

Alas Belle has had her birthday celebrations and I was not in attendance, for which I feel very guilty, but the Convent was very strict about my comings and goings. One of the reasons why it was so easy to slip into the Scottish Earl's arms was because of the close proximity, it would have been harder to stay away...

It is wonderful to be home. Mother has made a fuss and my brother has grown a few more inches... I wonder what the next few weeks will entail.

D. S.

Although I have seen the Duke since I found out about his former-betrothed's recent marriage I haven't plucked up the courage to ask him how he feels.

I know that I would be devasted; I have no qualms with admitting my fear of rejection,but the Duke is always so calm, so regal. He would die rather than admit he was in pain, that he was hurting. Emotions are not at the forefront of his mind whereas I am led by my heart... And by my lust.

No there is nothing new to report back regarding the Scottish Earl, nor even the seventeen year old friend of Armiger who graced my presence not that long ago... I have been behaving as it were, to prove to no one but myself that it CAN be done.

One of the nuns has left me. I never thought I'd get too attached to someone whose sole purpose in life is dedicated to God, but she taught me things I'd never even considered and although she has moved to a new Abbey further North, she is no longer in confinement. Once I have left the Convent at the end of this week I shall make the pilgrimage to see her, for music was our passion and she never judged my mistakes too harshly.

The priest on the other hand seems to have a vendetta against me. He won't speak to me unless he has to, and he barely looks at me when he says the few polite words through his gritted teeth. I know that my behaviour is sometimes less than desirable but I though a priest of all people would be the most forgiving!  I shouldn't really complain, and I know that my Mother would be pleased that his stony silence has reformed me, albeit for a few days. So I suppose I should just acknowledge that his distance is working... But I yearn for his approval and at the same time resent the power he has over me.



D. S.

Sometimes I wish I listened to my friends' advice, or at least accepted that hedonism is NOT the way forward...

I once again caved into the Scottish Earl's arms as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. There is no fear of my heart getting broken for I do not care about him in that way, but rather I am beginning to despise my weakness of the flesh. I know that this is rather a contradiction to my love of hedonism in my previous post, but after being chastised by the priest after getting caught leaving the Scottish Earl's bedchamber, I am feeling a guilt that had long been forgotten.

There is no wonder that guilt has finally crept in, a Convent will do that to you. But it was the look of disappointment in the Priest's eyes, which made me wish the ground would swallow me up. I have been keeping my nose clean for the last few days, I do not want to give further cause for the nuns and Priest to have me removed, for though it is hard work and I have limited time for frivolities (of course I do find the time) I enjoy spending time with the children and watching their amazement of the every day.

I get to see Armiger tomorrow after many days apart and even my Ladies of the Shire. I can't claim to not appreciate the day of freedom, but I would love the opportunity to make it up to the Priest. I thoroughly dislike being reprimanded, even less so by someone whose eyes make my knees go weak.

D. S.

I don't really know how to admit to the frivolities that occurred last night.

A nun's birthday anniversary passed and I was delighted to find out that the nuns and teachers were intent on having a little celebration! I thought exuberance would be frowned upon, but it seems they all enjoy a tipple as much as any lay-man, or indeed any Duchess!

Armiger joined us at the Convent as it has been far too long since we were in each other's company, both of us enjoying the chance to make up for the time we haven't spent together. The only other presence that gave me a little shock was the appearance of the Scottish Earl, though of course I should have expected him. We were courteous, abismally polite, but as the drinks flowed - I have a new found respect for the Church now - we were laughing and joking while Armiger whispered in my ear to be careful.

I have to admit that I was secretly pleased by the Scottish Earl's attentions. His letters convey none of the enigmatic personality that exudes from his dazzling eyes, though the Scottish Earl somehow still keeps his emotions easily cloaked. Dreadful of me to acknowledge these feelings, especially as the nuns were a little apprehensive about my flamboyant behaviour, but it has been so long since I had the chance to dress up and act extravagantly so I probably did push my luck a little more than I should have... I can't even describe the look on the priest's face!

Nevertheless, after a glass or two of champagne more than I should have, I let the Scottish Earl escort me back to my bedroom and after all his pandering I couldn't resist him any longer and lured him to my boudoir happily letting him have his wicked way with me.

I told him to leave afterwards, I couldn't have the nuns walking in on the two of us in the morning, let alone any of the children! But he called me the perfect woman, the twinkle in his eyes giving no hint of regret and I fell asleep without a care in the world. This morning though I was running rather late, and I had a few questioning glances from the nuns, but I am only in the Convent to teach the children. This isn't a spiritual journey and I believe that hedonism should be embraced... At least every once in a while!



D. S.

I fear it may be said that I am not quite behaving myself...

I have just returned to the Convent as the children walk to their early morning lessons, with the Scottish Earl's private coach for cover. A spontaneous night that resulted in very few hours being slept and soon followed by a two day journey to the North!

My head is pounding but you shall be pleased to hear that though I spent the night with the Scottish Earl nothing untoward occurred... Even though his propositions, which are not something I could repeat here, were numerous!

I spent yesterday in the Capital drenched by rain, unimpressed with the entire trip, but it was the first time for many of the children, so with wonderful hindsight I can look back and laugh. Just about. The only perk of the trip to the Capital was the introduction to our newest priest... It is terrible of me to even think these thoughts, let alone write them down, but he is a beautiful man, there is no other word to describe him. I know it has become a cliché of late but truly, if he stays a man of the cloth it is a waste of a future happy marriage!

He is apparently going to move to the Convent where I am staying and I know it is unbelievably dreadful of me, but the thought of being in close proximity to his perfection fills me with the utmost desire. I wish working at the Convent made me think about God and the Church rather than the priest and what lies beneath his robe...

Speaking of the children, I have grown a fond attachment to a few of them, but in groups they are a nightmare! I was terrified of losing them in the Capital yesterday for they have no discipline whatsoever. We are supposed to instill the fear of God, but I haven't the heart to ruin their happiness after the turmoils they have already lived through.

My parents are on their way to take me up North. This journey is not going to be fun. I have a headache. But tomorrow there is a procession in my honour after living in the North for the last three years and it cannot be missed. I almost wish I could stay more than a single night but duty calls, the Convent calls. So I am off to ready myself after only three hours sleep, the faint stench of alcohol still on my breath, and pray that my parents do not pry into my fatigue, and my headache diminishes!

D. S.

Well, my life has taken a little change for the unexpected.

I have moved into a convent, and have undertaken a governing position teaching children. Not something you'd particularly expect from someone of my stature, and though this may not be a life calling I feel that helping the children is truly a heart-warming decision. I have only been here two days so have very little to report, only that this convent is on the Scottish Earl's property, and he has already made contact, which under the circumstances is rather unacceptable. I haven't made any notion at all as to how I am going to respond to his attentions, but I feel that the nuns would faint at the very thought of the Earl making advances!

Three nights ago Armiger took me out again in Oxfordshire for an outdoor party with the equestrians. It was a delightful evening, with many games being played, but I did have to reprimand myself when I saw the boisterous seventeen year old...

I received a letter from the Gameskeeper and an invitation from Belle, but I fear that the Ball they are planning shall be within my time at the convent, something that I vowed I wouldn't abandon. I do miss them both terribly, in fact I miss all of my Northern friends, but no doubt I shall be terribly busy over the next few weeks so I do hope that will distract me from my melancholy.

I suppose I better return to my work. It is terribly early but already the nuns have awoken, chastising their sins since the break of dawn, something that I can't quite bring myself to do...



D. S.

I thought I'd have the opportunity to write a final post before I left the Northern counties, but here I am back in the Shire.


Bags were packed and miles were travelled to the countryside and a Shire that shall always be my home, thought I have to admit that the goodbyes were heartfelt and I hope I get to see my Northern friends in the near future. Being in the Shire has renewed my love for the green fields and I have spent the day with my darling ladies and wonderful friends reminiscing about the times we have had and the months we have been separated. Many meals have been organised, and I look forward to the feasts, and I may even try my hand at cooking!


The last few nights in the North were wonderful, if a little hazy. All that particularly sticks out is my realisation that I have feelings for Harlequin, something that I am going to have to ignore as we are now hundreds of miles apart. I heard from the musician and Belle who are enjoying their freedom and I wait expectantly for a note from the Gameskeeper, all of whose friendships I hold very dear to my heart.


To think that we are in the second half of the year is unbelievable, I cannot comprehend as to where the time has gone, but I know that I have memories I shall treasure forever. And as I read through my previous posts I recall the situation with the Scottish Earl whose advances need to be ignored, though in the dead of the night, that is a little difficult...





D. S. 

How time does fly!


I have already returned to the North, and it has only just occurred to me that I have two months left here, only two! It is going to take a lot of effort on my part, not to reminisce every time I begin to write. For three years I have made the journey to the Northern counties and although it is my home and I adore the countryside, I can't really imagine living in the Shire indefinitely!


I suppose I will have to start planning my future at some point.


Speaking of planning... Well, my early birthday celebrations over the weekend were incredible! The days were spent singing and dancing in the glorious sunshine while the nights consisted of games and champagne. What more could one ask for?


My Ladies and I even tried our hand at baking while the Lords tried their best to teach us how to gamble. I don't think Lady Luck was smiling on me though! 

Actually, maybe she was, for there is no longer any concern necessary for the vain Peacock of a gentleman. Not only have I left the Shire and left him to his own shallow devices, but I was terribly affronted by his assumption that his attentions would serve him favourably!

He is charming, he is handsome, he is insufferable. 

Three days was all it took for the act to become boring. Though I'm not sure there is any more to his façade, which makes me wonder if this attempt at Don Juan may not be an act?

It is no matter, for I don't have to think about him any longer.


Someone else who also falls into that category is the Scottish Earl. I surprised myself with my restraint for I never saw him while I was at home in the Shire. He made many attempts and I made many more excuses. He's a sweetheart and I do not wish him ill, but I was just not in the mood for an unfeeling rendezvous, at least on my account.


I'm really looking forward to seeing the Brewer, Gameskeeper, coxswain and Belle. Oh and the musician, I can't deny that either. The Brewer it seems, has been working terribly hard on a new ale which débuts today and I can't wait for the celebrations! 


The only other noteworthy incident was a rumour that I heard from one of my Ladies; apparently a certain Ambassador, one of whom I have never met, has been making enquiries about me... Not sure what to make of this, but no doubt he will make his interest, or even presence known at some point.


Adieu.

D. S.

It seems that organising a few events, which are all happening within a week of each other, is slightly more difficult than I'd first imagined.


But I'm not going to complain.


My birthday celebrations are coming along delightfully and I can't wait for this weekend! We have much to toast to, and who needs an excuse when we are young and boisterous, without a care in the world? Indeed, there may be more than my birthday (and nothing) to celebrate for in the planning of these sumptuous parties, I have met some wonderful people. One of whom stands out like a peacock in a pantry!


He is a gentleman whose sole purpose in life, it would seem, is to excel at all sports and flirt with every woman. Of course there is nothing wrong with this hedonistic lifestyle, in fact I almost envy that he can be so blatant. No doubt it is because he is a man, and men, apparently, can do no wrong.


Though I suppose, I do have to admit the blush that simpered across my face when he directed those oh-so-practised flirtations at me. I tried my best to be in control, but there is something about him that I just couldn't deny myself, and it wasn't long before the rest of my body caught up with my blush and simpered pathetically for his attentions.


This gentleman is involved with a few last organisational details for this weekend so I know I'll be seeing him tomorrow. I dislike how I feel around him. Actually no, I dislike that I enjoy being around him! It's different to the musician or the Scottish Earl for it isn't love nor purely physical. I'm sure every girl feels the same when in his presence and it just cannot be helped. Though it is frustrating.


The Scottish Earl has been badgering me and I know that I should just give him a firm 'no' but it's a lot harder than I thought. Or maybe I'm just being selfish... If I'm leading him on but it's a purely physical relationship then no one can get hurt, right? 


I know deep down that I'm just trying to convince myself and should cut off these perverse ties with the Earl, but then who would I have as a distraction from myself?


I have this hole that needs filling, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, but why then, does it feel that I'm a piece from a different puzzle? I refuse to spiral down in to the gloomy depths of heartache, for there is currently no pain, just an absence, a void. Oh dear...

D. S.

I'm sorry to disappoint but I still haven't seen the Scottish Earl.


The right time hasn't really occured and he has made it quite clear that he is only after one thing. And I know that I don't think of him in a romantic way, but it would be nice to be chased by someone who wanted me for more than just a rumble in the bedchamber.


So I have been distracting myself with friends and family. I had the most delightful night with my Lords and Ladies (a few of which were noticeably missed) drinking the night away and catching up after the last few months. Nothing too scandalous was discussed, though there was much evading of certain subjects... Mainly the Duke. I'm intrigued as to what it is I'm not supposed to know.


My birthday came up quite a lot and I think we are to travel to the Spa and have a decadent day with much champagne and strawberries. Though raspberries are a personal favourite!


Had a strange scribbled note from the Court Jester asking if I'd ever kissed a certain Apothecary but I'm afraid he is much mistaken! I wonder if he made up the rumour just to get in contact with me? I do miss him, there is no one like the Court Jester here in the Shire; everyone is far too refined and distinguished to mess around like the two of us do together. The same could be said for the Gameskeeper, Brewer, and of course Belle, (I'm doing my best not to mention the musician), for there is none of the same camaraderie as there is up in the North and I miss them all greatly.

I do love being back in the Shire and it will always be my home, but I almost feel that I am out growing it. I'm not sure how to explain it really, but there are certain things that just remind me of my childhood and I'd prefer them to stay that way rather than become an integral part of my life... 


As well a being Good Friday, today is also the anniversary of my Grandmother's death and I truly miss her. She was such an elegant lady, so kind and generous and the patient Mother to six children. 

It makes me laugh to think that I can barely look after myself and she was so perfect. 

Though I suppose it would be more correct to say that she was Mother to seven... Or at least gave birth to seven children. Soon after her death, a decade ago, we found out that she'd had a child out of wedlock. It was quite the scandal, especially as the daughter arrived at the funeral. No one faults my Grandmother, no one could, she had a heart of gold, but I think it strained the relationship between her husband, Grandpa and his children. Though Father refuses to admit it.


I've never really delved into my history before but it seems that my Grandparents, on both sides, were not so innocent as I once thought. I don't mean anything as treachorous as murder or incest, but lying and coercion? I don't think that can be denied...

D. S.

As much as I love spending time in the North there is no place like home. 

The Northern town is ever-increasing in size and I know the Docks have created a new passage way for trade, but I hadn't realised how much I'd missed the countryside. Trees and fields and sheep and horses. The North is becoming a metropolis while my Shire has maintained it's timeless class and elegance.

Although I didn't sleep very well last night (memories of the Head Architect surfaced as I spend the night in the South Wing) my first day back in the Shire has been quite a treat!

No, before you ask, I haven't seen the Scottish Earl... Yet.

I lunched with a couple of my cousins and caught up with the latest gossip, though it seems there is nothing too scandalous occuring. It was heavenly to hear their Southern accents. Afterwards we walked along the Promenade which was lined with hundreds of Spring flowers, and I felt that I did my title justice as I spoke to all the necessary sychophants. 

I have heard from the Scottish Earl, though declined to meet with him today. It is my first day back and family takes priority, then friends tomorrow and I'm sure lovers shall come third?

No matter, I will just see what happens when (if) I see him.

The day did include going horseriding with my cousins, which came at quite a surprise. I was not at all dressed for the occasion, and it seems I have forgotten much of my formal training. We ended up having such a laugh together and the three of us ended up in hysterics... Mainly at my incapability!

I haven't had the time to think about the musician... Except for now... And I don't want to think about him. Not because I'm over him but because if I dwell on 'what could have been' it hurts too much. I know that doesn't sound positive, but I used to let my thoughts wander round the possible futures I could have with him and now I've closed those doors. It is progress. Isn't it?

D. S.

My Mother is coming up to collect me tomorrow so I really do need to start packing. The thought hadn't really entered my head until the Court Jester mentioned that he is going to be alone for the next two weeks!


I can't wait to return to the Shire. The Scottish Earl seems overly keen to meet with me and though I do want to see him and satisfy the cravings I have been ignoring the past few months, I do want to make him beg for it. Sometimes there is nothing more satisfying.

My birthday is looming and I have decided to have two events. A relaxed affair back in the Shire with the closest of friends and family. Hopefully an all day picnic if the weather keeps, if not I'll just have a marquee erected. 


The North deserves a decidedly more rambunctious celebration and I've decided on a Masquerade Ball. There have been a fair few the last few years and I see nothing wrong in keeping with tradition. I'll invite everyone possible and see how they all manage to mingle. It'll be an interesting state of affairs if the musician meets the Captain, or the Foreign Minister meets with the Gameskeeper... I wonder if I'll inadvertently invite Luthien. That would certainly be a turn up for the books!


This past week has been rather quiet as most people have departed for their homes. I stayed in the North for slightly longer as I wanted time to clear my head after the decision to let the musician go.


I will let you know how birthday plans go and of course show you the gorgeous mask that I plan on purchasing. Until then I must pack for my return to the Shire.

D. S.

It seems that news of my imminent return to the Shire has reached certain past lovers, namely the Scottish Earl, who has requested a rendezvous.


The distraction could not have come at a better time, yet I almost feel like this could be a deja vu! Once again, the Scottish Earl has appeared as an emotional crutch after heartache (I cannot quite bring myself to call it heartbreak) and enticed me with tender words and passionate promises.


I guess I have truly let the musician go.


Don't give me a round of applause just yet, as I haven't had the (dis)pleasure of his company since last week's concert. So it has been rather easy to put him out of my mind. 


In fact I haven't seen the Brewer, Gameskeeper or musician for nearly a week now and I'm finding it very noticeable! Thankfully Belle has kept me entertained for a few hours and I did manage to attend a Ball over the weekend in honour of a Lady's birthday. Nevertheless, Easter back in the Shire is going to be a little strange if I'm not having lunch with the Gameskeeper every day, or 'accidentally' bumping into the musician in the library!


Almost four months I have spent up North without returning home and I have to admit that I cannot wait to walk the corridors of the South Wing and remember the summer nights with the Head Architect and the long days with my Ladies! Then of course there is the Duke, whose return to England is slowly approaching.


I know that I am reminiscing about my separate lives in both the North and my darling Shire, but the former of the two is swiftly coming to a close. My future has not officially been decided but I know that I will spend the summer torn between my two homes.


Spring should be a time for new beginnings, not the start of the final chapter!

D. S.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

I do hope that those of you who are fortunate enough to embrace the White Christmas are doing so! I have the sleigh at the ready for after lunch to go for a stroll with the Marquessa. I can only imagine what delights are in store for the rest of the day!

The last week back in the Shire has been rather eventful, even for me! There have been parties nearly every single night; I've had to miss the odd one or two to try and recuperate! But yes, I have seen the Scottish Earl, though we are currently no longer on speaking terms, I have been thoroughly entertained by the delightful Southern gentlemen and ladies, my heart has skipped a beat at the presence of the Duke and I quietly long for the North!

We had a delicious mulled wine evening with the most respected guests in attendance. I believe I was the most embarrassing companion as I had yet to sleep from the previous night's events, (whose events would no doubt horrify if I were to divulge!) and considering it was our first meeting since the Summer I should have let everyone acclimatise to my exuberant personality!

Being back at home has so far met every expectation. I knew who I would be seeing, I was prepared for casual conversations with the Duke and to see the Scottish Earl. Though I am disappointed at how our relationship has soured. It is too difficult to explain. (Or rather too humiliating, as it was an outburst of rejection, something I am not used to!)

But although I adore being back at home, that this is my final year in the North I can only hope to spend as much time possible with my close friends from the county that I have grown to love! I know that scandal has somehow followed me through the heart of this great country, but I am learning, if somewhat slowly, from my mistakes.

I cannot believe that it has nearly been an entire year of correspondence. How self-absorbed I am, and I know I should be ashamed of some of my more deplorable actions but I am happy with who I am. I only wish that this craving for the Duke would subside! He is engaged to a woman far greater than I am and that is exactly what he deserves.

D. S.