A question that I always ask myself is where do my intentions come from? Are they purely selfish, or am I overly emotional, unable to separate what I desire from what is right and true? Or am I the result of a society that demands everything and gives nothing, therefore I cannot be held responsible for my lack of empathy? Or am I a combination of all of these things, and so much more, that I haven't yet had the opportunity to consider? 

I tend to have my most existential questions late at night, when I'm on my own. It's not exactly late at the moment, but I have spent more and more time on my own. I have craved my own company and damned those who have got in my way. There are a select few that I allow to be in my presence, but the moment their demands become too expectant I tend to scurry back into my hermit-like ways. I'm not sure where this has come from, or if it has been a long time coming, or actually this is what I'm truly like, as I was hiding behind a sociable facade?

I have all of the questions and not a single one of the answers. 

Since I am now into the second week of June, with only a fortnight left in the Far East, life is going at a tumultuous speed, and I've needed to take myself off to collect my thoughts before the long journey back to the Shire. Of course, I have the delightful pleasure of my Irish Ladies of Corcagh who arrive imminently, to look forward to, and their presence is greatly anticipated. But before they arrive, I have chosen myself as my only companion. That is, until the dark-eyed musician finishes entertaining the masses and I can have him to myself. I need some sort of consistency in my life at the moment, and he has the voice the purrs my name, in a way that only he can. 

Does that make it fair on the other people I have in my life. No. But, since when is life fair? And I have made no promises to break. Rather I have kept myself to myself, allowing my thoughts to cloud my sensibilities, and gone with what I believe are my truest of emotions. I don't know any more. I have been shut down for so long after the Duke of Albany, that I don't know what it is to feel and truly give myself to someone, and I am not yet ready to do that - thought I am finally allowing the thought to enter my mind for the first time in a year.

Love. What fools it turns us into.

D. S. 

There was a part of me that thought my last post would be just that, my last. But then there comes a day or a night where the words flow, and I can't stop myself from pouring out all that I feel, despite being unable to say the words out loud. 

Countries have been travelled since I last wrote; love and joy and frustration have all been experienced, heightened almost, by all too close quarters, and yet, the tenderness and fondness that I feel has not dissipated. Rather, it turns out that I have all these emotions I've claimed to not feel, they were hidden inside me all along and I'm only just coming to terms with the fact that they exist. I have ignored them for so long, easily since the Duke of Albany and I parted ways, and even before then, I was always weary and wary of all that I could feel bubbling under the surface of my skin.

And then someone you care about touches you and all the doubts, the worries, the questions, fall by the wayside, and all that matters is that moment in time. A touch that makes your entire body burn with desire, love, lust, a craving that you didn't realise you had, and aren't entirely sure that you want to satisfy. Or sometimes, it isn't even a touch - a tender look that speaks volumes. It conveys all the emotions that you have yet to admit, and aren't brave enough to utter into the hair that caresses your lips as you silently beg for more. 


For all that I feel, tiredness is something that I cannot ignore. My eyelids flutter against my cheeks, a daily struggle as I try to survive on a few hours sleep a night. It turns out age doesn't agree with me, and I need at least my eight hours to stay both productive and kind. The kindness leaves first once I'm under my eight hours. The productivity wanes under five hours.

I'm so looking forward to going home. I'm looking forward to having to put this year to a close. There is so much to still look forward to here in the Far East, but at the moment, my heart isn't in it. And I don't think it's because I'm ignoring my feelings this time, I just think I'm looking for something a little different. A chaos that I recognise instead of a mess that I'm unintentionally a part of; being home would relieve some of the tension building up in my shoulders. I hope. Though, am I possibly looking forward with rosy-tinted-spectacles? Am I already bored with the Far East? 

How could I be bored when there is still so much to explore? And I will admit that the travelling is something I long for when I have duties that keep me grounded for weeks at a time. And of course, there are similar opportunities back in Europe's beautiful green and pleasant land, but I want to see the world and be at home. How can I have everything that I want? Or is that life's great joke? We shall always want it all, but it is literally, metaphorically and physically impossible. 

Well, I've always been one to say 'never say never'... Whatever will be, will be, and all that, so I shall enjoy the journey. 

D. S.

The time between written posts passes too quickly and there are days when I forget that I have a duty to myself to record what it is that I do, where I go and how I feel. I wonder how long it'll be before this hobby of mine dwindles to a halt and it too becomes a fleeting memory, for I have no greater commitment in my life than the few words I share on these pages and the colours that I allow to drip on to a blank canvas. 

Though life is not as bleak as I portray it to be. 

Actually I am ever so fortunate. Another year older if not wiser, and though the frivolities were many and the permanent marks almost as damming as in previous year, I do feel more content. There are moments of dissatisfaction, but in general, I cannot believe my good fortune and I hope I show my appreciation to the Goddess. 

I only have a few more weeks in the Far East before returning to the Shire for the summer. Again I shall be at the Convent, (I cannot remember a time where the summer and the Convent weren't intermingled), and I shall have my darling Irish Lady by my side. I cannot wait to cavort in my overly-familiar stomping ground with my blue-eyed darling. She is almost as adventurous as I am in some aspects, and far exceeds me in others!

It will be delightful to catch up with my wonderful Ladies of the Shire and I cannot wait to watch my darling Armiger walk down the aisle. There are so many people to see and so many people that I am looking forward to spending some time with, if only for a few long summer evenings.

Though it cannot be said that I am not enjoying my time here in the Orient. I am off on some more travels in a few days, accompanying a truly captivating creature who I daren't write any more about at present. The Scottish Earl is still sojourning in the Far East for a while longer, which makes for interesting dinner conversation. And the musician, with his deep, soul-searching eyes... He is more than a little difficult to comprehend. Indeed, there is all manner of confusion in my head and heart and I know that I am the one who is going to end up burned, but truly I don't know how to do anything other than what I'm doing... I shall just have to wait and see how I manage to cope with the path I have forced myself down.

D. S.

Apparently it is unfair to equate love with other feelings. Love lives in an ivory tower and calls out for those who are courageous enough to try and search for it, whereas I expect love and I to accidentally bump into each other, realising that we've been living in the same ivory tower all along. 

I am not bitter, nor hopeful. I am just enjoying being me. I want no one in my life who needs more than a friendship right now, and sometimes I'm not even sure I have a friendship to offer. It is much more difficult maintaining friendships with people you haven't known for decades. My Shire Ladies take no offence from weeks without a word, nor do I expect to be filled in with all their scandals until they are ready to tell that story. In this Oriental bubble that I now live, my friends are few, but we see so much of each other that it becomes instantly recognisable if one of us opts out, or chooses to spend time with anyone else, or even on our own. 

What is so wrong with wanting to spend some time by yourself?

The weather is also truly having an effect on my rather more acerbic tendencies, a fog has cloaked the island so that it feels we are trapped beneath a great white cloud and breathing is becoming somewhat of a noticeable struggle. I cannot remember the last time I saw the sun. I think I need to escape, to run away and breathe, so that I can come back and be myself - be kind and caring and compassionate, listening to my friends who need me and allowing myself to feel something, anything, even if it is not love. 


Why do we feel the need 'to love and be loved in return'? Does it give us a sense of purpose? Does it make us feel like we belong? I cannot believe that love is the only reason for our existence, nor that life is without meaning if we don't have love. Not that love is a bad thing, but from what I've experienced, it does blinker you to thinking solely about one other person, and forgetting who you are in the process. 

Love is confusing. Life even more so.

D. S.

So much has happened since I last found the time to write something of note, that I do not quite know where to start. To think I am in the midst of my final week in Dearne Valley and it only feels like yesterday that I was making the move this far North. Where does the time go? 

I cannot pretend that it has been an easy fortnight, despite the glorious distractions I have encountered, but change tends to make everyone a little wary and apprehensive, even if I am the instigator of that change. Or is that because I am the instigator of all this change?

Again, I am not going to write a confession to set the tongues wagging. Mistakes have been made and life goes on. 

Instead I am going to reminisce about the delightful weekend I had with my Lords and Ladies of the Shire on our coastal rendez vous last weekend. We feasted, pranced and indulged with a furore that the Viking gods would have been proud of. It made me realise how grateful I am to call them all my friends, and I shall miss each and every one of them while I sojourn in the Far East. 

We were graced with the presence of the Duke's sister, the brunette, Harlequin and many fair Ladies who each have a special place in my heart. We took part in many rural activities, though I cannot claim to have caught any fish (which I was most disappointed about!). It was a weekend to remember and I am still on a high when I think about the fun we had.

With Dearne Valley coming to a close, Brighthelmstone is beckoning ever closer, and this time I am taking a more active role. I have more responsibilities than ever and I have already begun my preparation for the summer! It is something I am most looking forward to, not least because it shall give me the time to come to terms with all that has happened this past year. 

All this talk of what I have to do is making me more aware that I should do less talking and take more action. As always my summers are inundated with activity but that doesn't mean my writing isn't a priority ~ only it becomes ore ethereal as it seeps in and out of my consciousness. 

I shall always write and create stories even when my life is as hectic as it is now. 



D. S.

There is so much that I have to tell and I haven't a clue where to start. The last time I wrote I was enjoying my life in abundance with the brunette and making good one of my new year's resolutions. Since then much has happened; words have been said and mistakes have been made, so much so that they could be life-altering.

But does that mean I have the strength to talk about them, to write them down? I have to admit that I am the guilty party, the one more culpable in these latest occurrences, and if I actually put pen to paper and own up to the crime... Then that cannot be undone.

I know that over the years I have flitted in and out of people's hearts, cities, countries without so much as a second thought as to the consequences of my actions. I have always been rather hedonistic, and though I had toned down my behaviour of late, it seems that my so-called maturity was nothing more than a facade. 

Nevertheless, I am back in Dearne Valley for my final month of solitude before I travel to Brighthelmstone for the summer. I am fortunate that the Irish Lay of Corcaigh is gracing me with her presence this weekend, so as to distract me from my ever tumbling thoughts of despair. We have not seen each other since that eventful night in Bohemia and I cannot wait to reminisce and make new memories with her. 

My week in the Shire was more relaxing than I give it credit ~ both my father and brother were in attendance and it was delightful to spend some time with them, feasting and celebrating our successes in life. 

I even managed a short jaunt to the northern counties, catching a glimpse of the Duke of Albany before he disappeared on a rendez vous of his own. I miss the city that I have called home for so many years. Though the Shire runs through my veins, the northern counties will always tug at my heart. Much like the Antipodes and Bohemia will always bring me fond memories. 

I am not yet brave enough to utter the sin I have committed. Instead I sway back and forth between burying my head in the ground and moving on entirely. For truly, the only way is forward.



D. S.

I have started and redrafted this post so many times I cannot for the life of me remember what it was I first wanted to talk about. 

Nevertheless... Weeks have once again sprinted past, without so much as a second glance, and as usual I have had very little time to myself. I have been so overwhelmed by my busy lifestyle of late that I have sat in silence, doodling and daydreaming on my own all evening, trying to recuperate from the hubbub of the Capital.

I adore the Capital. I know I have mentioned this sentiment whenever I tend to visit, but I love the pace and the anonymity that comes with being just another face... That is until I leave, when I breathe a sigh of relief, anxious to get back to my life where I am known. Infamy certainly has its perks. 

I suppose I should start at the beginning. The Marquessa and Baroness joined me nearly a fortnight ago in Dearne Valley, dragging the Duke in tow for some belated birthday celebrations. We drank and were merry and it took me a few days to recover. But it was wonderful.

Until I realised the week ahead of me would be one that could have had a damning affect on my future. I had to prove my worth as a Lady-in-Waiting, every gesture scrutinised and critiqued, looking for a fault. Thankfully I passed with flying colours and have only the one more visit to contend with. I shall make a note NOT to drink as heavily the weekend before.

Because I was so fraught with nerves I was barely able to write anything coherent, worrying only about the observation that was to come. However, I was rewarded with my visit to the Capital. I socialised with friends and acquaintances whom normally grace me with their presence only during the summer months, so it was wonderful to reminisce about my time at the Convent in both the Shire and Brighthelmstone. It is an odd feeling to have an extended family, as such, that are in some ways closer than my Ladies of the Shire because of the concentrated time we spend together, yet we go more than half a year without much contact. It does not make much sense, but I thoroughly enjoyed the company over the weekend.

There was nothing I could fault. 

If anything... It has awakened my usual yearning for my summer in Brighthelmstone, before my journey to the Orient.

D. S.

The hours have slipped into days, which have in turn dissolved into weeks, so much so that I cannot for the life of me remember what came to pass since I last wrote...

Let me think...

Oh yes. A birthday. My birthday. How could I forget?

I ventured back to the Shire to visit my family and my friends. It was most delightful to fraternise with those in my closest circle, having the Duke join my side without so much of a whisper. We were all impeccably behaved (which truly makes a change) and we discussed many things, from my impending travels, to betrothals and reminisced about those who have been and gone. 

And I turned another year older. 

I have to admit at being rather laconic in regards to my latest age. It doesn't warrant more than a few words. It has been discovered that reasons are not always necessary when meeting with old friends, and any time I get to spend with the Ladies of the Shire, including the Duke's sister, is time well spent. 

It was a rather short weekend, I never spend long enough in the Shire, but my Duke and I managed to spend some much-deserved time together, even crossing the North/South border hand in hand. We are still debating about our future, and I suppose there is nothing more to say on that matter either. 

Que sera sera. 

I seem to be getting easily disgruntled in my old age!

The folk at Dearne Valley did surprise me on my return with many well wishes and plied me with various bottles of wine and delectables that I have yet to sample because I have been feeling a little under the weather. I was incredibly touched to think that they all thought to remember and take note of something so inconsequential as my birthday, but it made the return somewhat more poignant. Of course, I am as busy as ever, but I am enjoying my time in the North.

There are whispers that the Duke and Marquessa may visit me this weekend, and I shall hold my breath in anticipation.

D. S. 

One would think it'd be possible to safely assume sunshine this late into the year. It seems we were rather heavily seduced by the warm climate only a week ago, but it has dissipated into a rather disappointing drizzle that seems unwilling to abate. 

Just in time for my birthday celebrations. 

However, I refuse to let this English weather dampen my spirits.

I am to return to the Shire tomorrow for a few days of revelry and debauchery. I have even managed to convince Belle, Armiger, the Duke and the Duke's sister to make an appearance. I am more than a little excited, and am wishing away the next twenty-four hours before I can leave for my home. 

That's not even the most thrilling piece of news I have to offer on this chilly evening. 

I have mentioned the Far East countless times this year, and though it may seems a strange longing for some, I on the other hand, have somehow managed to make my dreams come a reality. The Orient beckons its dainty finger, and I have answered with a gusto that cannot be ignored. I have a few months left in Dearne Valley, before I sojourne to Brighthelmstone with my usual retinue, and then I have a mere week to say my farewells and depart for the Far East.

I cannot say what it is I am going to do once I am out there, only that I know it shall be my greatest adventure yet. 

'The Duke of Albany?' I hear you ask... We are still in the process of discussing the terms of our relationship. I cannot ask him to travel to another continent for me, and nor do I want to. Nevertheless, we are determined to make our unconventional relationship flourish, despite the distance. 

It was Armiger, my darling friend, who asked the pertinent question. I think it is because he is recently engaged (congratulations to them both), but he made me realise that my lust for adventure is rather selfish... However, the Duke understands. He loves me for who I am. And that is an impulsive, spontaneous wanderer. You can't ask me to change, for then I should no longer be the person he so admired. 

I do not ask for understanding from anyone else ~ on some days I even question myself ~ but rather I look to rejoice. My life is wonderful, and I am so grateful for all that I have. I cannot wait to share in the jubilations and celebrations with those whom I love. 

D. S.

I did say I was looking forward to the adventures Dearne Valley would surprise on me, and I have to admit that it has been exciting than I thought it would be. 

Living with four elder members of the opposite gender is surely not everyone's cup of tea, but it seems to suit me quite nicely. They are each of high esteem, reputable (though not necessarily in a genteel way) and complete gentlemen. I am honoured to have them treat me with such reverence and respect that I have not seen since my younger days when I was considered a damsel in distress. I have not lost any of my independence, but there is a courteousness that borders on chivalry in these Northern parts that I believe has long since disappeared down South. 

The Duke and I have been in regular correspondence though I have little time to myself what with my communal living arrangements and the role that has taken over my life. I am looking forward to next weekend when I shall return to the Shire for a Spring music festival. It has been two years since I last showed my face with everyone around me, so the prospect of music and dancing with my closest friends brings a smile to my face. 

In other news, the Far East is calling my name with a stubbornness I haven't been able to shake off. Who knows, maybe I shall answer it with three little letters... Y. E. S. 



D. S..

A few hours short of a week have I inhabited Dearne Valley and I have to admit that I have never felt more at home and more comfortable in such a short space of time. I do have a tendency to adapt quickly to new surroundings, as is in my nomadic nature, but no more than a few minutes in my temporary dwelling, did it already begin to feel like home. 

I can imagine it would be a rather acquired taste: it is a far cry from the Shire where I am within walking distance of many friends and family; much more sedate than the busy lifestyle the Duke and I became accustomed to in the northern counties; it is a paradoxical comparison of rural and cosmopolitan next to the Antipodes; but I would say it were most like Bohemia ~ firm family values, with a few traditions I have never before experienced. 

This life that has been thrust upon me is currently being shared with four older gentlemen, each of whom who has made me most welcome. They vary in age from only a decade more than myself, to half a century older, and their stories are of the utmost compelling romances, trials and tribulations. I consider myself rather lucky (though I know that my situation is considered by many to be rather improper).

The Duke of Albany and I have continued our discussions about the future. He has joined me for the weekend, but still resides in the northern counties. His responsibilities keep him from travelling to Dearne Valley with me, but it is not so far to travel for a few short months. The future is looking rather exciting, the Far East is still calling my name and I eagerly await the moment it is all confirmed. Until then, I intend to keep silent about our future plans.

There isn't much more that I can say other than I am thoroughly enjoying myself. It was wonderful to have a few weeks in the Shire and Brighthelmstone. I don't get to spend enough time with the Ladies of the Shire and knowing that I am to add Brighthelmstone to my mantle during the Summer, means I will have even less time before I can no longer ignore the beckoning of the Far East. 

I look forward to the next few months here and the adventures to come.



D. S.

Where to begin?

Over a week has passed, or rather vanished, and I'm now at home, looking out of my South Wing bedroom window at the Shire in all of its springtime glory. 

The last time I wrote, everything was rather up in the air about my future... The Duke and I had no plans past the summer and I didn't' even know if I'd be in the northern counties for the weeks to come. 

Again, I do not have all the answers, but as the future has arrived, as it were, I can describe what has happened and what I believe may happen in the next few days. After that, it's still as murky as ever. 

I had the the delight of the Gameskeeper over the weekend, we were celebrating another year of his life and considering we hadn't seen each other in over two years(!) it was wonderful to see his face... Right before he passed out. But the chances are that I'll have the opportunity to see him a little more often now that I am being moved... 

Yes. I wanted to travel and it seems that my prayers have been answered. As far North as I am, there is still more countryside that I haven't yet laid eyes on, and I am being sent to Dearne Valley to learn their ways. Truly, this year has been very educational!

I have a fortnight before I have to travel into the unknown, so have chosen to reside in my Shire for a few days before heading South to Brighthelmstone. The entire length of this great nation is at my disposal, but I do feel it may exhaust me. I suppose I could utter the fateful words 'be careful what you wish for', but that would sound as if I am ungrateful for these opportunities, and that wouldn't be true. I love that I get to see new places, meet new friends and discover more about a country I do take for granted. I'm also enjoying being home and seeing my Father and my Ladies of the Shire. In actual fact, I suppose I have much to be thankful for. 

It does mean that the Duke and I have a few months of separation ahead of us, but it is not the same great distance that we have overcome before, and I believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. He has been more than supportive, and I look forward to him joining me in a few days...

Until then, I shall make myself useful before another journey even further South tomorrow. 



D. S.

I'm scared to write down what I believe may happen in the future in case I am cursed and the path I hope to walk down is blocked to me because I have uttered it aloud. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened, though I do not want to sound superstitious. To give voice to my future seems futile; as I have previously stated, only one thing is certain ~ change. 

So instead of speculating and umming and ahhing about what may or may not happen, I shall describe purely the facts.

What do I know?

The sun has made an appearance only to be blocked by the moon, an event I never though to witness in my lifetime. It was stunningly exquisite and made me want to weep with love for the world. It also however encouraged my wanderlust... I can only imagine what else is out there that could bring tears to my eyes from sheer beauty, especially that which I have not seen. 

All else I can state as fact is my return to Brighthelmstone in a few weeks. I am looking forward to the opportunity to ingratiate myself back in the genteel lifestyle, and hopefully it will make my future plans a little clearer. 

Indeed, even more so than Brighthelmstone, I am longing for the Shire. 

It doesn't happen often but when it does, the need for my countryside is powerful. I need to see the hills I call home and have a moment to reflect on what I truly want for the future because I'm sure that's one of the reasons why I'm unwilling to commit. Something about the Shire just makes sense, and I feel the need to make it my own, so that I may gain some clarity. 

What do I want? 

If only I could find the words. 



D. S.

Even now I know less than I did before. In an ever-changing world only one thing is certain; change. 

Conversations have flitted around the topic of the Summer between the Duke of Albany and I, and I don't think it is possible for me to show my gratitude as he has been more than understanding and undoubtedly supportive. I do not deserve the love of the Duke, nor to have him pandering to the oscillating whims of the universe. 

Brighthelmstone or the Shire. I believe that my predilection for Brighthelmstone has been noted by all, but whether or not that pleases the world enough to allow me to return there TWICE this year? Would I be so fortunate?

My wanderlust is far from sated at the thought of traversing the length of England, I still need to go further afield. Somewhere as different as the Antipodes where I could meet more people who think and feel the way I do. As delightful as England is, this island seems to breed a sense of superiority and lust for material things. I fall too easily into those types of longings when I am here, not rejoicing in everything else the world has to offer. 

I need to travel. It makes me a better person. 


I forgot to mention what it was like seeing my Mother again after so many months apart. It has been a whirlwind few weeks and it doesn't look to me slowing down any time soon.

She was far happier than I can remember seeing her of late, yet she seemed relatively unchanged. It was wonderful to catch up, surely no one has the pleasure of knowing you like your own Mother? I suppose she didn't help change my mind about travelling as she has called many other places her home since I last saw her. If anything she encouraged me to take the leap...

We shall see. It's the unknown that is most frustrating.



D. S.

Alack and alas, if only I could say what it was that my future holds, but I am just as in the dark as I was last time I wrote. 

All I can confirm is that I shall spend my Easter break in the Shire, enjoying the Spring festivities with my darling Ladies of the Shire... Before spending a fortnight at Brighthelmstone, discovering for myself whether I am up to the challenge of the role that has been designed for me, and giving myself a little more time to make a decision before the Summer is upon us.

The Duke shall accompany me to the Shire, but while I figure out what it is I need to do in Brighthelmstone, he is going to cross the Continent to visit his own family and friends. I think it is best that we have some time apart, only so that we can appreciate each other all the more upon his return. 

I have very little time to get my head around the idea of moving back down South for a few weeks, but it is only temporary... The Shire is always a delight to visit and I cannot wait to frolic with my childhood friends. No doubt there are many scandals and tales afoot that I have mislaid because I am not in close proximity to hear the gossip (nor to create it, thankfully!) so I am most looking forward to catching up with all that I have missed. 

Until that time arises I fully intend to keep my head low and continue with this personal struggle to learn what it is I need to learn to become a Lady-in-Waiting. 



D. S.

Again. A decision was made only to have it blown in the wind by a gentle breeze, scuppering any chances of stability in my life. 

It had been decided by the gods that I was to return to the Shire for the Summer. I had delighted in the fact that I would be able to return home for a good few months and enjoy a countryside lifestyle that I have missed before having to commit to another year as the perfect role model. But it seems the gods are more fickle than I gave them credit for, and now I have another decision to make. 



Brighthelmstone or...



The Shire.

They are both within my grasp and the opportunities are equally astounding, and I am more than delighted to be considered. However, I shall have to go through the pros and cons of each before I ultimately make my decision. 

Brighthelmstone is closer to my heart as I spent the last two summers there, frolicking on the beaches and making friendships, however I may not necessarily have the Duke with me and there will no doubt be fewer returners than last year and it is an enormous responsibility. 

The Shire is my home. I know the paths like the palm of my hand and I haven't spent more than a few weeks there since the Antipodes. Nevertheless, there are some memories of the Convent that I would rather keep under wraps and I would hate for history to repeat itself...

I have already made a decision in my head, but I sometimes worry that I plunge into new situations without spending the necessary time to consider the consequences (twenty year old me, I'm looking at you!).

Fortunately, I have the luxury of time before giving my answer. 

In other news, I have been joined by my Mother. She has been regaling me with tales of her travels yonder and I have to admit I am more than a little jealous. It doesn't seem so long ago that I was calling another country my home and discovering what it meant to live for myself. It is wonderful to see her, of course, but it is only a fleeting visit as she is soon to return to the Continent to visit her own father. 

It's amazing what we put ourselves through for our family.

I have much to ponder, and value the various opinions flying my way; it is interesting to note that the Duke and my Mother are on the same page for this...



D. S. 

A weekend alone is not quite what I had in mind, however it is a blessing to have a little solitude to get everything in perspective. Why does life have a habit of pulling the rug from under you, without giving so much as a whiff of explanation?

I am well versed in the art of hyperbole, but that doesn't mean the smaller changes don't have a large impact. 

The Summer has been decided and I am to return to the Shire instead of Brighthelmstone, to take a more responsible role as governess, patron? I'm not sure what to call myself other than Duchess. I may be rather unconventional, with my choices of travel and governing and teaching and learning but I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Though the Summer has been put in my diary, the months that succeed it are more than questionable. The Duke and I have continued our conversation and have come the conclusion of 'Que Sera Sera.' Normally I thrive at the unknown, I enjoy spontaneity and recklessness (for want of a better word!) however, I cannot help but feel that I shall miss out on some opportunities if I don't go out and get them!

I'm not even sure what opportunities I am referring to, only that this perpetual state of indecision doesn't agree with me. 

If it were up to me, after my Summer in the Shire, I would call another country my home. Giving my heart to an unfamiliar landscape, discover a culture that I am currently unaware of and learn another language that is foreign to my ear. It is what I have done since leaving the Northern counties the first time round and it seems that old habits die hard.

But not if I have to choose between travelling and the Duke... That is a decision I hope never have to make.



D. S. 

I'm not going to discuss my non-existent plans for the future because I fear I may bore my wonderful readers, and indeed frustrate myself. So instead I shall talk about the fun I've had in the northern cities... So much fun say, that I could almost compare it to my younger more hedonistic days ~ but of course these days I stay on the correct side of propriety.

I travelled a short distance to visit a dear friend who too has made the journey up North and is happy to call it her home. The blonde and I have had many adventures while we resided in the Shire together a few years ago, and it was an absolute delight to to reminisce about the times we have shared and to make new memories.

We drank delightful cocktails and danced and intrigued the men around us with our raucous laughter. It renewed my love of the North and inspired me to look forward to whatever the future holds ~ regardless of where in the world I shall be. 

The next few weeks will undoubtedly be more difficult than the previous few months and though I fully expected this year as Lady-in-Waiting to have its trials and tribulations, I fear that if I do not concentrate I may slip and fall and it could all be for nothing. Writing as always is where I find my refuge, but the studies sometimes take priority, which is why there are often too many days between posts.

I want it all, if only there were more hours in the day. 



D. S.

Weeks go by and nothing changes in my life but one weekend is enough to make quite the difference. 

I returned to the Shire to celebrate my Father's birthday and to reunite with my wonderful brunette and a gentleman or two from home. We sang and we danced and we made light of some very deep conversations and topics, but I wouldn't expect anything less (or more) from my darlings in the Shire. From Christmas half a decade past, though we have all gone our separate ways, it seems that not enough changes when we are all reunited! But it is somewhat reassuring to think that our friendships have spanned and survived through the passing of time.

I left the Duke of Albany behind, not because of any quarrel but because he sought some time alone to organise our Christmas and winter festivities. I had wanted to take charge myself but was refused that privilege, being told to enjoy the unknown. 

Africa is completely off the cards as Father has discovered that he has other commitments which means he cannot take the time off. My brother has also claimed to be too busy and though I am somewhat disappointed, I'm excited to think of what the Duke may be planning. Most people know how much I do enjoy a surprise, and I've never before allowed a man to take this much control. 

We've talked about the Duke's family coming to the Shire but it seems there is fear of an abundance of snow and to be trapped worlds apart from your home is not something I wish to inflict on any family or friends of mine. So Christmas itself will be spent with my family and friends but the New Year is his to create an everlasting memory.

Anyway, I have returned to the Northern counties for a fortnight of winter festivities (though I have been unfortunate enough to lose my voice!) and to keep the masses entertained. I look forward to what the future has to hold!



D. S.

What a week. I am utterly exhausted from the to-ing and fro-ing I've undertaken. There is nothing like taking upon a new role to keep you busy. Unfortunately, because of the nature of my role as a Lady-in-Waiting to Royalty, I shall have to keep details to a minimum as discretion is key.

Discretion, subtlety and sincerity are all characteristics I have found lacking in my own personality throughout the years... Nevertheless I have survived my first week and shall strive to be more and more consistent in the following months.

It is exceedingly delightful to have the Duke of Albany to hand. We haven't had the time in our relationship to discover all of each other's nuances; what makes him tick, and me purr, but we are certainly making the most of the time we have together. This first week has been relatively relaxed, but everyone I have spoken to in the royal household has warned me that the work will only accumulate.

I wish I could say I was daunted by this challenge ahead of me; but like my time in Bohemia, the Shire or the Antipodes, I welcome the new experiences and fully intend to tackle them head on. (Sometimes I do wish I was a little less headstrong, as I often forget to look before I leap, which as we all know can lead to disastrous results!)

Belle and I have conversed and enjoyed each other's company with a fervour; it is wonderful to be around friends, especially ones who have known me for as long as she has. As always she is full of wisdom and touching advice, and I need her to be a barrier between the Duke and I when we have one of our tumultuous arguments. 

The disputes are not as common as they once were (thankfully) but we both still have a fiery temper, and a stubbornness that is unrelenting. 

Actually I do have some exciting news... My writing has taken a turn for the unexpected. A reputable publisher is interested in one of my stories! We are only in the early days, but it is brilliant to even have my work read, let alone considered for publishing! How I love the life I am living!



D. S.