Duchess of the Shire

How dreadfully disreputable! I have unwittingly done something oh-so-naughty today and I'm not afraid to admit it now that it is over, and I suppose I should be embarrassed, but I only want to laugh!


I don't doubt that it shall cause quite the shock when I return home and tell my dear friends; those ladies of elegance shall be horrified, though I'm sure the Court Jester will be nonplussed by my misbehaviour. I did get a little tingle  from unintentionally acting out of character, and yes, though I have been known to act untowardly, this is not a matter of the heart for I have long ignored my passions.

Inspiration for my self-indulgence came late at night while I was reading a novel, an act in itself that some ladies look down their nose at! The aforementioned novel cited mermaids and pirates and all sorts of fantastical characters, so that I could hardly contain my glee when an idea seemed to spark in my mind to trundle to the beach alone, after all had gone to sleep. 


Of course I know that mermaids are no more real than faeries or witches, but I was terribly caught up in the moment and with oil lamp and book in tow, I snuck out to the deserted beach. The tide was out and in the hazy firelight I could see the waves lapping against the rocks. Knowing that I was alone, I let my imagination run wild; I reverted back to childhood glad there was nobody to see me or judge me in my innocence. However, a sly thought had entered my head, and as I'd already removed my shoes and undergarments so that the sea could circle around my feet, I thought nothing of it to get completely undressed and go for a bathe!

I'd felt so free and uninhibited swimming in the sea that I gave no thought to the tide coming in, but after at least half an hour my energies had been spent and I trampled out of the water, only occasionally looking around to make sure there were no other midnight bathers. Out of the water however, I struggled to find my clothes! I could barely see by the light of the oil lamp which flickered atop a rock, but my clothes were no where to be found! 


Can you imagine the dilemma I was in? There I was on the sea shore, wearing nothing but what the grace of God had borne me! By some ironic fate the book too, was safe, if a little wet, and I debated whether or not to use its pages for makeshift underwear, but I felt that if it had survived the fate of the waves, who was I to tear it to shreds?


My evening excursion had truly caught me with my pantaloons down and for a few minutes I was frozen there, the lamp casting simple shadows on my white skin, while I tried to think of what to do next. The trudge back to the villa was not all that far, but I couldn't even begin to imagine the shock that I would present if I were caught, but I could think of no other solution!


So with the book covering as much of my modesty as possible I crept across the sand and through the dark towards home, safety and clothing! Surprisingly, I made it to the villa without so much of a stray dog seeing me in the nude, but the difficulty was making it inside without being spotted. I could see the few guards that we'd appointed traipsing outside on their watch and I knew I couldn't let them see me, or even attempt to explain myself. So I waited for an opportune moment. 


Unfortunately none arrived, and my fate seemed even more doomed for as the minutes turned to hours I could feel myself dozing off, and eventually I must have fallen asleep, for it was the early morning delivery boy who found me curled up beneath a plant as the sun appeared on the horizon. I though his stare was most outrageous to begin with, for my memory had escaped me and by the time I had remembered my obvious mortification, a small crowd had gathered.


My Lord how they stared, and it wasn't until about the eighth person when someone eventually had the decency to pass me a robe. I apologised to the few locals and the one guard who gave me an improper wink, and tried to shrug it off while hoping that my eyes were imploring them all to keep the incident quiet.


Somehow I think it shall be remembered and spoken about for years to come...


Neither of my Grandparents have mentioned anything today and I hope it stays that way, but I am meeting with my childhood friends tonight and I know that if they have heard anything they will not hesitate to bring it up. I suppose I should be grateful that Father has returned home already, for there is no doubt in my mind that he would have reprimanded me severely. And of course I need to write a monologue dedicated to his meeting with his half-sister, but for now I shall pen off, letting you know that the introduction went well and will continue with this train of thought tomorrow. For now, I am going to avoid eye contact with those who saw me in the buff this morning and secretly laugh to myself, though it is most improper.



D. S.