This is my third new year since I started writing where once again my resolutions are to do with the heart, and have yet again been broken only days later...
No, I have not fallen head over heels in love with a new beau, but rather I'm still in love with the young Captain and it took a new love interest to help me come to terms with this disturbing revelation.
I know I have been harping on about him for some months now but he somehow stole my heart and as he has disappeared from my life he kept it, never giving me the opportunity to remove the pain of his absence from my life. All it took to shock me into this realisation was another man's attentions. During New Year's Eve I seemed to catch one of the olive-skinned brunette's male friend's eye and we have kept in touch over the last few days, even spending most of last night together. However, contrary to what she believes, my heart is not all aflutter.
The darling gentleman is truly a sweetheart and according to the olive-skinned brunette he is rather infatuated with me. I know it sounds dreadful if I say that is hardly surprising... I was the epitome of virtue on New Year's Eve, refusing several midnight kisses as I tried to ignore the sadness in my stomach of my parents and brother leaving for the Shire within the next few days.
My brother unfortunately drank far more than usual, but I think it was his way to say goodbye, or at least that is what I told Mother the following day! The evening was wonderful and I enjoyed everyone's company immensely, but now that my Mother, Father and brother have left I think of the Shire, and though I miss it I know I'll miss my family more.
The new gentleman has tried to appease my sorrow by keeping me entertained, but he has neither the charm of Stone Mason or the allure of my young Captain... He could do with a lesson from the Peacock gentleman in confidence too. There are moments too, when he looks at me which remind me of the young Captain, the look he had purely for me before I flirted my way out of our relationship... And it is that look which gives me the pang in my heart for the young Captain. Already has resolution number one been broken.
Darlings, I hope you all had a wonderful start to the new year.
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D. S.
Very interesting. I'd dissuade from attempting to find a connection in someone in which you see qualities of your former lover. It doesn't sound like you're doing this with intent, but rather seeing these attributes as they come. Perhaps it is merely a sign that your heart longs for him - the captain - as you said.
ReplyDeleteYour brother was fine on the night, he kept the jester (Darren) company which was lovely for a change.
I think you're, in a sense, worried about your missing the captain. I say this in the manner of the mindset of "I must get over the captain. I must get over the captain." These thoughts do not help and sets an unnatural lingering of the past. Rather let it be and attempt to move forward with open arms and acceptance of what could be. If you're worried about something, it's already in your mind.
Lovely post as always. : )
Well my dear Duchess,
ReplyDeleteYou have a good heart that you tend to wear on your sleeve and that can, unfortunately,lead to heartache. Perhaps the Captain was a bit overwhelmed and did not know how to process everything quickly and he had to have time to himself to do the processing. Or he is really an immature little twit who you are better off without. But I like to think he was just a bit overwhelmed.
Maybe you will hear from your family shortly after they return home to the Shire. But you do have your Grandparents and extended family, hopefully they will be of some comfort for you.
I am also glad to hear that the brunette and you are on cordial terms, my dear Duchess. Must have some civility.
Deepest Friendship,
Misha