My entire time here no longer seems tangible. I have few concrete relationships to hold on to, and even the closest friendships I have forged shall no doubt unravel with the distance. I'm referring to the brunette as much as the Captain, for these are the two whom I shall miss the most. Until I have made a decision of where my future belongs, I do not know when I shall return to the Antipodes, making the farewell even more poignant.
The entire situation makes me acknowledge the sense in the Captain's earnest plea for friendship; my heart would not have the time to heal after letting him back in with such zest. And I don't think he could ever trust me again, not properly, so it would take the little time we could have had to get to a more physical relationship...
Never mind. I can't dwell on what has been done.
Death makes us realise what matters in life. My family. My friends. And a belief in the life I want to lead. As hedonistic as I have let myself be, I know I want more to life. The two emotions duel in my heart as I struggle with the inner turmoil.
How can one not live in the present when all our days are numbered? Yet, how can one not plan for the future, make provisions and listen to our urging hearts who leap towards the idea of a partner and a family?
There was an incident with a friend over the weekend that involved the breaking of the law, and that too helped to clarify what I do and don't want in life... It was nothing too outlandish, no one was murdered. But I was affronted at the entire situation and had to use my guile to get my friend out of trouble - trouble that I hadn't even known he was in - and of course use my stature to make sure no feathers were ruffled.
I wouldn't have cared if the incident had not occurred at the most untimely of moments, and I was left feeling somewhat frustrated! I suppose I should have learnt my lesson! I am finding life a little harder at the moment, I even miss the company of the English gentleman (though probably more for his skill in the bedroom than conversation), and crave the solid friendships of the Shire.
I would like a meaningful relationship... Is that too much to ask for?
D. S.
I wouldn't have cared if the incident had not occurred at the most untimely of moments, and I was left feeling somewhat frustrated! I suppose I should have learnt my lesson! I am finding life a little harder at the moment, I even miss the company of the English gentleman (though probably more for his skill in the bedroom than conversation), and crave the solid friendships of the Shire.
I would like a meaningful relationship... Is that too much to ask for?
D. S.
i have gone through so much of what you speak of...i don't have the answers. this is an emotional post for me. does the hedonistic way I have lived destroy my chances for a true relationship? hmm
ReplyDeleteDear Duchess, When making a decision of which, what, how, when, as it concerns *men*, look for: yes, skill in the bedroom is wonderful, and good conversation is essential, but it is the solid frendship that will see both of you through. Look for your best friend, the one for whom your heart yearns, and he whose soul your own soul sings to, and may it be the same tune. You will recognize him, or rather your soul will. There won't be all this confusion when he's standng right in front of you. Good luck Duchess!
ReplyDeletePS: above comment says @bookteachie, but its really from @bayviewgirl (my new name).
ReplyDeleteRT'd by @bayviewgirl, Food for thought: "@Ravi_Matah: If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary - Jim Rohn" - (twitter)
ReplyDelete