It's the second time this month that I have allowed myself to foray into this venture into the past, but until I can establish what this is, I daren't say who it is (though it is someone I have mentioned before).
Other than that the week has been rather quiet. I am waiting for the Convent to start and I plan on behaving myself for the rest of the Summer (or at least trying to).
The teaching is something I know I will have to work at, I haven't done anything for months, and I get far too easily distracted by the needs of the flesh... But it will be even more difficult this time round, the Convent may not be the place of refuge that I seek. But nonetheless, I shall try.
I have also given myself a target of love. I still haven't heard from the Captain. I can't believe that he hasn't received the letter I sent him. But no reply? It wasn't anything that he didn't already know, and I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to move country for him when he can't even pick up a pen to give me the assurance I need to know that I haven't lost him. His silence proves that time and distance are too much for our love, if it was even love in the first place.
The feelings I had for him could not be ignored when I was bumping into him incessantly and I still crave the possible future we could have had together, but the distance between the Shire and the Antipodes is too great. Especially if I cannot rely on him to keep in even the most distant contact...
For now I shall resume my studies and ponder on the past lover.
D. S.
Very wise words dear Duchess... Perhaps the correspondence that U seek will arrive shortly. Maybe it got held up. Or, as U say, maybe something else. I think Ur right in waiting 2hear, altho *waiting* is the HARDEST thing 2do, when it comes 2love - "I'm not going to move country for him, when he can't even pick up a pen to give me the assurance I need to know that I haven't lost him." Most excellently worded; everyone shud read these words of wisdom! I think U have hit the target here too - Sometimes "silence proves that time and distance are too much for ... love". And again, here, I think U have plotted a healthy plan with this - "I shall resume my studies and ponder on the past lover". But I do know how hard it is 2stay busy, productive, working, with Ur aching heart accompanying U the whole bloody way. Best wishes. - Ellen @bayviewgirl
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