Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I'm beginning to notice a pattern in my life. There are men that I rely on, that I constantly expect to be there for me without any thought of their actual feelings or what goes on in their lives beyond our dalliances.

I am back in my beloved Shire only to find that my New Year's kiss with the Officer was, yet again, an indiscriminate affair. Only this weekend at the summer fête did I hear from his betrothed that they had been together for the last two years! She was slightly concerned about my feelings, but other than the complete shock all I can think of is my utter reliance on my Officer. That, and how I want to tell this dear naive girl, for she is still so young, that her Officer is not just hers. He never struck me as the type to blatantly lie, hide his feelings or ignore his promises to those whom he has promised his heart.

My darling Ladies are not even around to comfort me, oh how selfish I sound! But I am in a dilemma! Do I destroy her innocence for I would want to know if my fiancé had been unfaithful. Though I know I would come across as bitter and jealous. I am not entirely happy about the relationship, but it is more to do with the fact that I will lose our friendship, for no married man is allowed to be alone in my presence. And that is something that I have kept to these last seven months.

I wish I knew what to do! All this umming and ahhing will lead to nothing and I will just let the relationship run its course, for I guess it has nothing to do with me and, as far as I know, the Officer has been faithful to his engagement for the rest of this year...

In other news, I have been back in the Shire for the last week. It has been a whirlwind of gatherings and picnics as we all catch up with each other. The Marquessa is tempted to go back to her beau but I have been advising her against it; he is not right for her and she does not love him, and she needs to be in a relationship where it has one of those fairy-tale endings. Another relationship has dissolved through, what seems like, every man's inability to be happy with what he has and to constantly have a wondering eye...

My darling Baroness will soon be back from her travels and I cannot wait to see her! It has been far too long and there are always constant giggles and nothing to worry about when I am in her presence. She calms me and manages to be the voice of reason even when I am in one of my rages!

Harlequin too has gone on travels, though every now and again I receive word from him and he tells me of the delights of the Continent. There is a part of me that wishes I were travelling, though my Mother was quite shocked by my appearance when I arrived home. According to her all I needed was to recoup, but she has already disappeared to go and see our Tata over in Eastern Europe, so I am left to my own devices...

Which, I might add have been relatively innocent, considering it's me. The work on the South Wing is nearly completed, but there still has been enough time to flirt with the Head Architect. He is very artistic and passionate about his work. I have watched him as he walks the grounds, his brow furrowing as he concentrates, running his hands through his sandy-coloured hair. I am fortunate that he dines with us as my father is so interested in the various new styles that the South Wing has developed. Though I am more interested in what the Head Architect thinks of me...

I will leave for now, I can hear my father calling me and that might mean I get to spend some time with the Architect and that is an opportunity I do not want to miss!




D. S.