Another post and another country that I have fallen in love with. There is nothing I can say or do to stop myself from travelling, and honestly I can't think why I wouldn't spend the rest of my life discovering new cities, cultures and ways of life that I wouldn't be able to imagine had I stayed cocooned in the luxury of the Shire. 

I have continued to travel the Far East, not leaving the bustling shores of the Orient, but listening to the distant rumble of cultures un-yet discovered. Indochina called my name and I followed willingly, exploring tiny fishing villages that haven't yet experienced the furore of the future.

I went with my gorgeous Scottish Lady and we dined and danced and dallied with all that the country had to offer - and I cannot stress enough the beauty of a country so little effected by the trappings of the modern world. It was truly a glorious place to visit and if I had any disappointments, at all, it is that I didn’t get to spend more than a few days experiencing paradise.

This only means one thing, that I have to, at some point in the future, return to Indochina and give more of my time to a place that has opened my eyes to the truly important things in life.

This journey was not one of self-discovery. Siam taught me that I am running very low on patience and my tolerance for other people is not where it should be… Seemingly however, my creative ambitions are soaring, so I need to work on finding a balance before I become an artist and a hermit rolled into one unintentional situation.

I have a desire to see more of the world, and to paint. Nothing else seems to give me the same satisfaction, though there are individuals that I have become close to, and they in turn are demanding more of my attention and are only too willing to smother me with their affections. Please do not take the term ‘smother’ in my usual negative connotations, but rather imagine that someone is placing no more than a chaste kiss on my cheek, and I am overreacting. It is another of my flaws that I intend to work on, at some point.

Until then, I shall discover more about what the Far East has to offer. My Mother is going to join me at the end of this week and together we shall roam the streets of my home. I shall share my memories of this place that I have spent so little time, but have already created snippets of my life that I hope to never forget. It will be exciting to have someone from my past visit me in this new and exotic place. I remember how wide-eyed and in-awe I was when I arrived, but now I stroll past the palaces and gigantic buildings without a second thought. It will be wonderful to see my own town through the eyes of a visitor.

I feel ever so privileged to have all I do and see all I see. Please Lord, I am the happiest I can remember, let nothing take this feeling away. Help me always be grateful for what I have, because there is nothing else that I could ask for.

D. S.

The end of another month is nigh and already I am closer to the spring, when the flowers break through the frosty soil and stretch towards the warm glow of the sun. Then I have to look forward to the summer months back in my homeland... Last year still feels like a dream, yet the summer is already approaching at a speed I'd forgotten. It's a wondrous prospect to go back to the Convent, doing something that I love with the friends and family that I don't get to see often enough, but it's astonishing when I think about all that has occurred since I arrived in the Far East. 

Love and loss... Well, more like love and lessons learned, something that I realise I am still in the midst of, despite my loud affirmations that I already know everything. Life and how to react and respond to other people... It seems this is not something I excel at.  I love to socialise, to be the centre of attention, and I crave acceptance from others, even if I am not as interested in giving them anything more than my judgement. I am harsh, overly-critical and not as affected by the idea of self-improvement as I should be.

Yet there is another side to me that I have been cultivating out here in the Far East, one that I haven't had the pleasure of since my time in Bohemia. I write, I draw, I paint. Yes this entry is dripping in upright, self-indulgent 'I', but I can't get myself out of my head. My mind is focused only on my emotions, my feelings, my opinions, my choices and decisions. Though I know I need to be aware of how these actions effect other people. 

I believe I know what the problem is... I am my own worst enemy. I don't look to fix myself, because that would be admitting there was a problem in the first place, and that is something I cannot bring myself to do. That is my biggest lesson, and there is more to learn that what I have discovered so far.

Love... I flit, I flee, I fly. It's an intangible emotion that cannot carry any weight, though people base their entire life decisions on a feeling. I too am one of those people, yet I know I am too scared to completely let go like I have done in the past. If I cannot be my scared, contradictory, paradoxical self, then who am I? What am I supposed to be?

Another question for another lesson.





D. S.

Where to begin?

Over a week has passed, or rather vanished, and I'm now at home, looking out of my South Wing bedroom window at the Shire in all of its springtime glory. 

The last time I wrote, everything was rather up in the air about my future... The Duke and I had no plans past the summer and I didn't' even know if I'd be in the northern counties for the weeks to come. 

Again, I do not have all the answers, but as the future has arrived, as it were, I can describe what has happened and what I believe may happen in the next few days. After that, it's still as murky as ever. 

I had the the delight of the Gameskeeper over the weekend, we were celebrating another year of his life and considering we hadn't seen each other in over two years(!) it was wonderful to see his face... Right before he passed out. But the chances are that I'll have the opportunity to see him a little more often now that I am being moved... 

Yes. I wanted to travel and it seems that my prayers have been answered. As far North as I am, there is still more countryside that I haven't yet laid eyes on, and I am being sent to Dearne Valley to learn their ways. Truly, this year has been very educational!

I have a fortnight before I have to travel into the unknown, so have chosen to reside in my Shire for a few days before heading South to Brighthelmstone. The entire length of this great nation is at my disposal, but I do feel it may exhaust me. I suppose I could utter the fateful words 'be careful what you wish for', but that would sound as if I am ungrateful for these opportunities, and that wouldn't be true. I love that I get to see new places, meet new friends and discover more about a country I do take for granted. I'm also enjoying being home and seeing my Father and my Ladies of the Shire. In actual fact, I suppose I have much to be thankful for. 

It does mean that the Duke and I have a few months of separation ahead of us, but it is not the same great distance that we have overcome before, and I believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder. He has been more than supportive, and I look forward to him joining me in a few days...

Until then, I shall make myself useful before another journey even further South tomorrow. 



D. S.