Thursday, November 29, 2012

Curled up in my bed, staring out of the window of my new home at the vastly different surroundings may take longer to get used to than I'd first anticipated. I have no complaints, no queries, no qualms; I still know I made the right decision, but the house is eerily quiet for just two ladies.

It's most interesting to learn who are those who live closest to us. I've never before had neighbours that I didn't know from childhood, and indeed the closest neighbours that there are to my parents' home are family members! So I am excited to hear about the people living in similar environments to the Duke's sister and myself. From what I've heard there are gentlemen of parallel repute, and indeed there may be a Lord and a soldier or two closer than I expected.

We plan to throw a soirée to introduce ourselves to the area, champagne and tequila (a burning drink from the Continent, to be taken with lemon and salt, of all things!) are a must as I do hope to dazzle and shine as the perfect hostess.

My mind and heart do turn to the Southern hemisphere as I fondly remember my time there, especially as the winter nights draw ever closer and the temperature begins to chill your very bones. I miss the beaches, the late night rendez vous, the passion that the Antipodeans had coursing through their veins. I miss the Captain, with his ever ready laugh and his never-ending enthusiasm for the outdoors, and for constantly trying something new.

I miss his zest for life.

But I do love my life here in the Shire. I love my independence, I love the role I play in society; I love that my decisions are based purely on my wants and needs, with no one to answer to, nor anyone asking for an explanation.

Waking up late, never going to sleep, drinking at all hours and self-satisfaction are my main priorities. Of course, I am still in the process of searching for a worthy artiste to dote my patronage with, but the time will come, and until then I plan to live life as if every day were my last.

D. S. 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Recently I've had days merge into mere times passing, never having any individual significance of their own; however these past few days have been more than memorable.

As a Patroness I have acquired a certain esteem and prestige that I look to maintain, and the next step was to acquire a household of my own standing without the help of my parents!

Fortunately there was another of my stature who was in a similar predicament; namely the Duke's sister. Together we decided that we would be able to conquer the mounting bureaucracy and effectively trivial but numerous tribulations, instead of fighting on our own.

Of course we were correct. Within days we had found the perfect abode to house the two of us, and only after the papers were signed and the servants unpacked our belongings, were we, or rather, are we able to spend our first night together!

Our aesthetic tastes may differ somewhat, but our personalities are more alike than the Duke's sister would care to admit, and I revel in the thought of the first soirée de maison that we can throw for all our friends and family.

To live without a chaperone, without a husband or family... That is quite the step, especially someone of my reputation (or perhaps because of my reputation) but the Duke's sister has given me the chance to explore my non-existent sensibilities and deep sensualities that I had never before even considered. Somehow, she has managed to conserve her own respectability (despite her behaviour) so she is classed far beneath my level of notoriety, (or is that above?).

Nonetheless, the two of us have a clean slate to start from and I look forward to the next journey of my life immensely.

D. S. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

What a weekend!

The Gameskeeper, Brewer and musician lived up to every memory I could have possibly had of them while living in the North and surpassed even my expectations. It wasn't all fun and games though as I learned two things over the weekend: All-day drinking does terrible things to you and some people will never change.

Fortunately, I love that the Brewer, musician and Gameskeeeper are exactly how I left them before the Antipodes, it wouldn't have done me any good to know that their lives were all the more richer without me!

I have no sordid secrets to tell however, despite the drunkenness of each and every one of us. 'Fine form' was the catchphrase of the evening, as we swilled away many different ales, each lovingly brewed especially for the occasion. Of course, there were momentary lapses in judgement, for how could I so easily forget what I used to feel for the musician? Nevertheless, I did nothing I regret, nothing that can't be brushed aside as a life experience, confirming to the world who I truly am.

I have often wondered as to who I would be as the years aged me and I supposedly matured, but more than anything I feel exactly the same (just some deviances are slightly less acceptable at four o'clock in the morning) and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Of course this statement begs the question, 'What about the Captain?'

I have not forgotten about him, and seemingly it seems I have no longer been forgotten! He has finally corresponded in longing to my letter imploring him to make himself useful on his trip to the Shire and it seems that he agrees, or at the very least will have a look at the positions available.

How I wish my heart would leap for joy at this prospect. But I fear I am getting overly comfortable in my Shire, and don't know how we are going to ignore the twelve thousand miles for much longer. One of us would have to make an horrific sacrifice.

But would I be worth the commitment and truly, would either of us be happy away from our native lands?

D. S.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I have heard that there are a few who have waited with bated breath regarding the outcome of my Captain's decision... I shall do my best to put you out of your misery, and indeed my own, as I give you the current situation most frankly.

He has not replied.

Nothing. Not even some sort of receipt to let me know he'd received the letter, nor a belated acknowledgement of the time and effort I'd put into devising a letter that seemed hopeful and contained within it a mild suggestion, rather than an outright order.

I know I am being impatient. I know I cannot expect a man of his tender years to understand the plight my heart undergoes every day I do not hear from him, and yet, the strangest emotions dwell within my breast; for I do not doubt his love for me. I only grow impatient with the circumference of half the world between us and an indefinite time frame.

I'm not sure how much longer I can cling to the memory of our love.

Being a Patroness has taken up my time most deliciously, as I am required to while away the hours with talented artistes of the Shire. There is no reluctance in my part to stray away from my duties, and I enjoy the time I have to take to get to know the more creative of my future tenants.

However, I fear that I have neglected certain friends for far too long, especially as it has nearly been a good six months since I have returned to the Shire from the Antipodes. To rectify the situation I have garnered a few favourites and sent messages hence forth, so that the Gameskeeper, Brewer and musician may expect me in their presence within the week.

The mere thought of setting my eyes on their rugged frames and sharing a song or two while drinking the Brewer's finest ale, truly warms me from within; indeed as I close my eyes and remember the days in the North, there is a slow but pleasurable tingle of remembrance that I long to indulge.

Until then I suppose I shall continue behaving myself. Life needs a jolt of surprise every now and again, but my life has been somewhat tame recently. Definitely need someone to spice up my life but who could that possibly be?

D. S.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

What can possibly be my excuse for straying away from my writing for so long?

Can I claim that a lover has had my senses ensnared in a deviant game of cat and mouse?

Or have I been wallowing in my own self-pity as my loneliness begins to seep in and become a reality?

In truth it is neither of these more romantic ideals; life has just run away with me and writing has taken a back seat. Something I never thought would happen, and today I am determined to make writing the forefront of my goals... For the time being.

What can I say about the time I have spent away? I heard a statement about love, the only true statement I have ever heard in regard to that flimsy state of being...

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

This is not supposed to be a pronouncement of how I am newly in love. You should all know by now that I am in love and have been for quite a while... The Captain still holds my heart even though the time and distance do strain the feelings we have for each other.

I know that we share the same skies, and I am always reminded of his love when it is the time of day to say good morning or goodnight to that burning orb in the sky. But I do not have him near me; I cannot touch him, kiss him or caress him, that I so long to do.

With the sun rising as I know my Captain is laying his head down for the night, I imagine what it would be like if we were together... This longing can only go on for so long. We are only human and though great love stories claim that true love can transcend time and distance, I am determined to have him in my arms before a full year passes without the touch of his lips.

So I have sent him a letter, imploring him to think about his journey to the Shire and be realistic. Of course I want to see him, of course I want him as a part of my life here, but he cannot dawdle and limber on here while I have to go about by businesses. In my eyes I can see only one solution... He takes on a position here in the Shire over our summer.

To me it makes perfect sense to have him around, to keep him occupied and to have him all through the nights by my side. I cannot abandon my work for him for longer than my return journey to the Antipodes and I daren't ask him to loll about without me by his side!

I only hope the letter reaches him in a mood of acquiescence, though I do hate the feeling as if I am telling him how to live his life!

I had the glorious pleasure of Belle over the weekend and we shared many a story about the Convent and the Gameskeeper, musician and Brewer. Not only were we fortunate to meet and converse with ease, but we were joined by another governess, and the three of us drank many a daiquiri and reminisced over the summer. Indeed, they condoned and fully supported my idea for the Captain. I only hope that he understands my perspective...

The White Knight returns over the Christmas period and of course I am looking forward to seeing him, however, I fear he may be wanting more than I had originally anticipated. If that is the case, I suppose I may have to end our friendship, or at least the more physical aspect of our relationship. 

The anonymous source of the quote was correct, life is wonderful when you're in love. But at the moment, I am content and enjoy being awake, though my lovers are spread across the world and not within my grasp.

But hopefully, not for much longer.

D. S.