Tuesday, April 26, 2011

It seems that organising a few events, which are all happening within a week of each other, is slightly more difficult than I'd first imagined.

But I'm not going to complain.

My birthday celebrations are coming along delightfully and I can't wait for this weekend! We have much to toast to, and who needs an excuse when we are young and boisterous, without a care in the world? Indeed, there may be more than my birthday (and nothing) to celebrate for in the planning of these sumptuous parties, I have met some wonderful people. One of whom stands out like a peacock in a pantry!

He is a gentleman whose sole purpose in life, it would seem, is to excel at all sports and flirt with every woman. Of course there is nothing wrong with this hedonistic lifestyle, in fact I almost envy that he can be so blatant. No doubt it is because he is a man, and men, apparently, can do no wrong.

Though I suppose, I do have to admit the blush that simpered across my face when he directed those oh-so-practised flirtations at me. I tried my best to be in control, but there is something about him that I just couldn't deny myself, and it wasn't long before the rest of my body caught up with my blush and simpered pathetically for his attentions.

This gentleman is involved with a few last organisational details for this weekend so I know I'll be seeing him tomorrow. I dislike how I feel around him. Actually no, I dislike that I enjoy being around him! It's different to the musician or the Scottish Earl for it isn't love nor purely physical. I'm sure every girl feels the same when in his presence and it just cannot be helped. Though it is frustrating.

The Scottish Earl has been badgering me and I know that I should just give him a firm 'no' but it's a lot harder than I thought. Or maybe I'm just being selfish... If I'm leading him on but it's a purely physical relationship then no one can get hurt, right? 

I know deep down that I'm just trying to convince myself and should cut off these perverse ties with the Earl, but then who would I have as a distraction from myself?

I have this hole that needs filling, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, but why then, does it feel that I'm a piece from a different puzzle? I refuse to spiral down in to the gloomy depths of heartache, for there is currently no pain, just an absence, a void. Oh dear...

D. S.