Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Sometimes I feel that I exceed my own expectations.

I had a delightful night with the coxswain, Number 5 and the Court Jester a few nights back. We were all very merry and it was a pleasure to catch up with them for I feel I have let my involvement with rowing slide down my list of priorities.

The weekend, on the other hand, was relatively calm what with the absence of my t'other trio. Yet upon the Brewer, musician and Gameskeeper's return an eventful night ensued, for they brought with them two gentlemen from home. I daren't go into any detail but let's just say that they made quite an impression, and would both be welcome again any time... Once I've fully recovered!

Last night's concert was a much less raucous affair; one could almost call it civilised! I forget every now and again the expectations that come with being a Duchess, yet I did enjoy the reminder of champagne and crudités. 

The concert did mean, however, that I was in close proximity with the musician under slightly unusual circumstances. I felt that I couldn't really be myself around him and truthfully I feel that he is slowly pushing me away. I don't know whether or not I'm just being paranoid but for months now I have fawned over the musician, giving in to his every whim and still, nothing. I don't know what I expected but it certainly didn't entail this emptiness and dependency! 

There are no other suitors to capture my attention and distract me from the heartache of failure, yet this seems more fitting. I do not want to be a woman who cannot handle being on her own, nor do I want to settle for second best. So for now, my distraction will be my friends and my family, my lover will be my work.

I go home to the Shire in ten days. That should be entertaining enough.

D. S.