Monday, February 24, 2014

And he's gone.

A perfect week has ended and the Duke of Albany has left me stranded in the country of his forefathers. I should not complain for I have everything I could ever desire; he loves me and sees a future with me ~ so much so that he will move country for me! But I now have to wait until Easter before I can again touch the contours of his body.

Though I'm sure my body is grateful for the respite... We pushed the boundaries of propriety further than ever before, and I'm sure my limbs are still suffering with bruises from various instruments! Truly, I am no contortionist.

It took me a fair few days to recover from my  shock of holding the Duke in my arms despite his silence on Valentine's Day. And now that his intoxicating presence has dissipated I can find the time to breathe, yet I long for the scent of his musk. 

Of course we fought. I cannot remember a time when we didn't disagree on something, but for the first time we fought about our relationship. There is nothing to the argument other than it was fuelled by alcohol and doused by ferocious love making. I do not doubt there will never come a time where we agree on everything, and it makes for a far more passionate relationship. 

But now I have to wait. I have long distance to contend with... And we all know how well that's gone in the past (the Antipodean Captain and the Prussian Knight?) But this time it does not frighten me. I accept that time is currently not on our side, and I know I have the patience to wait for the Duke. Friends have scoffed (behind their hands, but still!) and no doubt bets have been placed, but I am confident in the love I have for the Duke. Nor do I believe his own feelings shall waver while he resides in my home country. 

I shall spend the rest of the evening reminiscing about our time in the City of A Hundred Spires and the memories we created there... I just hope the ache in my body lessens, along with the ache in my heart. 


D. S.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Darlings there is so much I have to report since I last wrote, but I shall start with an apology for my last melancholy musings. Valentine's day can be most traumatic for those who do not have a loved one to call their own; I do, or at least thought I did, but the Duke of Albany had forsaken me. Not only was the Saint's day a day of love, but he also had a decision to make regarding our future... Which, was also candidly ignored. 

I spend the weekend in a drunken and sorrowful state and by Sunday had resolved to spend sometime in Prague to try and lift my fatigue. 

Ah Fate. It could be said that she has had quite a hand in my life, especially more recently... I cannot forget how the Duke of Albany and I met, even though he was disguised. But a similar occurrence took me by surprise on my journey to Prague. 

Again Jeeves and I were stopped on the road, but rather than brandishing swords, a true messenger (or so I believe) handed me a letter with the Duke's insignia sealing the words between the parchment. I read the words I had longed to see three days sooner, and as my heart soared I made a decision to meet the Duke and his carriage on their journey to me as I was already on the road. 
The letter did not say more than he was coming to meet me and was only a few hours behind the messenger. No apology hid between the lines, and though I had suffered great heartache at his nonchalant attitude, I was too excited at the prospect of holding him once more in my arms, that all had already been forgiven.

He has now been by my side for two days and we have discussed our future in length. Neither of us are ready for a betrothal; we seem unable to take the archaic approach to marriage and would prefer to know each other far better before making that commitment. But it is a possible future that we do not want to ignore, so the Duke said yes, he shall follow me to the Northern counties in my home country so that we can see where this relationship shall go.

Never have I been so happy in all my life. My sadness has completely dissipated and I am over the moon to have my Albany back in my arms. Though it seems it shall be a fleeting visit. He is to return to the Northern counties and purchase a property that is suitable for he and his retinue. And he has been so bold as to ask me how I want my own room. 

Of course I still have the matter of the Royalty whose charge I am responsible for, but I have the whole summer to sort out the finer details of my future. All I know is the Duke is here and calling my name, and who am I to ignore his cries?


D. S.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Yesterday shall be remembered as one of the worst Valentine's I have ever lived through. 

It is normally a day that brings me much joy, and I revel in spreading the love without much thought to my own heart. However, this year I had pinned many hopes on the Duke of Albany.

I can't quite find the words. It is not something I want to write down because that will make it all too real. Yesterday I was in disbelief and suffered anger at his rejection but today? Today I'm in shock. After all we've been through, he couldn't even give me a straight answer, but rather just left me to flounder in his silent absence. I cannot believe he did not even have the nerve to send a letter. 


Not a single word of explanation. Did I really mean so little to him that he couldn't even bring himself to own up to his decisions? We had a wonderful time together last week but now my heart feels as if it has been torn from my chest. The tears that stained my face are finally dry, but nothing seems to make sense any more. How could I have trusted him? 

I should never  have asked him to move country for me. This is all my fault. 


D. S.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I'm back in Bohemia, and it is most comforting to have been so welcomed by all whom I know in this foreign land. Jeeves must have organised the secret soiree while I was away, and though I was tired from my travelling, it warmed my heart to have so many people cheer my name as I stepped out of my carriage and into my continental home. 

Again the Duke of Albany and I have parted ways, though this time there was no promise of following me across the Continent. It seems the Duke has business in my Shire that he cannot ignore, and though our time together (at least to me) was as passionate and wonderful as always, he cannot leave. Nor does he know when he shall next be able to.

Of course this makes me wonder at his commitment to me, and I feel vulnerable knowing I have asked him to move to the Northern counties with me. Contrary to the inner confidence I felt last week, I now feel sick at the thought of pinning fanciful future notions on a man that spent the first few months of getting to know me in disguise

(I'm choosing to ignore the fact I have disguised myself many times... Call it a woman's prerogative.)
Lamenting in bed mid-week is not how I envisioned myself in Bohemia. I was to spend my time writing and travelling. And thankfully my writing has not suffered the same damage as my nearly non-existent travelling. I know I flit between the Shire and Bohemia more often than milkmaid between her kitchen and her cows, but that is exploring and discovering new lands! I feel as if I have let myself down and focussed too primarily on a man who is not making me his priority. In fact I feel like a cliché.

Valentine's day is in two days, and that is when the Duke has to give me his decision about our future. Though now I am resigned to the rejection I am no longer looking forward to the day of love. No doubt I will spend it feeling sorry for myself, wallowing over the Duke's latest letter. 


D. S.

Friday, February 07, 2014

Oh the Capital! What an extraordinary place. Every time I venture to London town I remember my love for it and always rediscover a new found respect for the city.

It was unbelievably glorious to rendez vous with the Duchess of Tuthershire. She has not changed in the slightest and it wasn't long before we were drinking red wine and reminiscing of the past we have shared. The evening was shared with the most dramatic and entertaining of the Capital's performers and I was delighted by the sights, sounds and smells I was privy to. I would highly recommend anyone with a taste for the wild to venture down to the cellar where the Duchess of Tuthershire and I whiled away many hours.

The day was spent in the sunshine with the Duchess of Tuthershire and her other half. We experienced some of the more cultured sights and sounds than the previous night (which were of a more debauched nature) but all in all I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Capital and hope to venture there once more before I return to the Northern counties.

The Duke of Albany has not yet given his decision about whether he will or will not follow me up North and we both wait tentatively for one more week before I force an answer out of him. Nevertheless, he has made rather unsubtle hints, and I hope my silent optimism is not soaring for no reason. I adore being in his company and though we bicker, the absolution we grant each other is full of passion. So much so that it almost makes the arguments seem worth it...

I look forward to the Summer immensely when I shall have the company of Belle and the Irish Lady of Corcaigh. Our new years eve soiree made such an impact, and it delighted me to have my nearest and dearest around at all times. This Summer shall be the greatest (or so I hope) and I long to feel the sun on my back.

A few days is all I have left in the Shire before I return to Bohemia. The Duke has promised to follow in my footsteps and it warms my heart to think I will see him for the Valentine's weekend, if not the actual day.

I hope and pray that everyone I care about can experience the same love and affection the Duke and I have for each other ~ though I know not to say that out loud for fear of sounding arrogant and sanctimonious!

D. S. 

Monday, February 03, 2014

I hope I can be forgiven. I know I said that travel and writing are at the forefront of my mind and my ambitions, but love has taken me along a more scenic route and I am once again back in my glorious Shire in the arms of my Duke of Albany. It is only because of the holidays in Bohemia that I have the time to cross the Continent and it is so worth it.

The Duke has been playing an interesting game here in the Shire. He is winning over my friends and family, making a name for himself. He has an entrepreneurial spirit and uses his position, my reputation and our combined knowledge to his full advantage. 

We have finally broached the subject of my inevitable move North to be a Lady-in-Waiting to a Royal charge, whether or not he will join me, and under what terms. 

It seems he is keen to stay in England. The Duke of Albany may have a dynasty of his own in Bohemia and that is of course where his main responsibilities lie, but he has the fortune of cousins, aunts and uncles at his disposal. All of whom are more than capable of taking care of his duties, and willing too, mainly to keep their beloved Duke happy.

He was not surprised by the question I asked, and I know he enjoyed torturing me as I struggled to find the words to ask this man to move his entire life across land and sea, for me. The Duke has not given me a decision, but I did ask him to give it careful consideration. Who knows what scandals may erupt as we are not betrothed and I do not have the same ability to ignore gossip and hurtful jibes that I once did. 

Nevertheless, I do not want us to have to bend to the iron will of convention. For now, an equal appreciation of our carnal appetites and whispered nothings are all that I can hope for with this Duke. We have come so far since our first meeting when he disguised his true self from me, and though neither of us are afraid to speak our minds and we still have some rather volatile arguments, our relationship is built on a firm understanding of one another. There are no expectations, despite the love we have allowed ourselves to feel for one another. 

The Duke of Albany has until Valentine's Day to make up his mind. I shall be long gone by then and in the safety of distance can I hear the words he has not yet said. Oh Valentine's day. How the years have changed how I feel every time this day occurs. I still wish I was as young and carefree as the days I would write inspirational notes to the masses.

To give the Duke some time to think I am off to visit the Duchess of Tuthershire in the Capital. It has been nearly two years since we last laid eyes on each other and I can't believe either of us allowed that to happen! I am so looking forward to an evening of red wine and gossip, like we used to. It really is the little things in life that make me so happy.

D. S.