Sunday, July 29, 2012

Good morning my darlings. A very early Sunday morning to wake up to, but I still have a smile spread across my lips and it is only fair that I share my good fortune with the rest of you.

I have inadvertently been courted from afar by two different suitors; one of which already lays a claim to my heart but the other, well he is adamant that before the year is out I shall be smitten!

The Captain has written me often, telling me of the life he leads in the Antipodes, his own journeys and how his life is no longer the same without me there to mess with his head and toy with his heart strings. He sounds full of regret for his prolonged grievance towards me, wishing he had forgiven me earlier... The Captain's words are all I've wanted to hear for so long that I treasure each and everyone, discreetly planning my return.

However, there are distractions at home! Even though I have been put under lock and key at the Convent, it seems that I may be in contact with certain sinners. The White Knight has made his intentions crystal clear, he has courted me with a fervour that rivals none, the intensity of which is somewhat daunting.

Of course I blush with the sin of pride at the thought of these two men wanting me, and it worries me to a certain degree that the White Knight is tantalisingly close, whereas the Captain is still on the other side of the world... What makes the White Knight's presence more pleasurable is my Mother's ignorance this time round. It is more flattering to be wanted because of you, rather than because of your connections.

The nun has been missing her child greatly, getting almost daily reports from the Doctor who lives down on the Coast, but even through her pain she has been a great comfort to me. The priest on the other hand has kept his head down of late; fewer judgemental looks and he no longer chastises me in public, rather keeping his admonishments to the privacy of the cloisters...

It is nearly the start of a new month, and only a few weeks more do I have at the Convent... Who knows what will happen next, but truly life is more than wonderful today.

D. S.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I hope I am not the only bewitched, bothered and bewildered member of the cloisters at the moment... I have no qualms with peoples behaviour nor the current affiliates of the cloth, but the latest candidates are lacking something. They remind me too much of myself to give themselves wholly to the Lord.

Belle is her usual delight even though she has yet to say a word. I asked the Gameskeeper about her and he said it wasn't for him to say, but told me not to worry. If it were anyone else I couldn't listen to the advice, but from Belle and the Gameskeeper? I trust them implicitly and will wait the necessary time.

According to the brunette she has travelled to the Continent in search of refuge. The tone of her letters is more than appealing, and I don't doubt that I too will travel in her footsteps after my Summer in the Convent.

The White Knight, though I have yet to lay eyes on him again, has kept in touch by note, by bouquet of flowers and by act in the arena every day. If I go more than a moon's sleep without hearing from him, then I know that something has happened... But I cannot fathom as to why this communication has started again after a year!

I adore teaching, yet my Father does not approve of my current achievements in life; he would prefer to see me married and producing children every other year... Teaching is 'unbefitting of my status' but I cannot just sit at home waiting for the right man! How can I find the right man by sitting at home?

Fortunately my Mother agrees with me, saying I should broaden my horizons and have more to talk about than other people and fashion. So for now I am safe, but I do hope they don't start setting me up with unattached men of my age. They both know my heart belongs to another, and has been left in the Antipodes...

D. S.

Monday, July 16, 2012

It's difficult to try and explain why I am at the Convent, especially to those who don't know me well. 

Certainly I am no nun-in-training, they would never allow someone of my pleasing misbehaviour to grace the cloth. And though I teach, it is purely for the love of imparting knowledge, if not befitting of someone of my social status.

Thankfully I have been decidedly refined this past week, and though I am receiving a few unwanted looks, it is nothing I can't handle, and certainly nothing unexpected.

The Captain has kept a steady flow of correspondence my way, though it is I who has been a little bit lax, (I blame the lack of time here at the Convent). And though my feelings for him are not waning, I am trying to be more realistic... Until I have made a decision about my future, and I can guarantee my return to the Antipodes I cannot give either of us false hope.

I have seen no more of my previous amour, which is somewhat disappointing, but it is to be expected if I am gracing the cloisters of hallowed ground.

The brunette has disappeared yet again and I miss her dreadfully, though I shall never forget the times we had together. Belle is keeping refuge in the Convent, a vow of silence has graced her lips so there is nothing I can find out about the why of her whereabouts... She smiles though, and I do not fear that she is in pain nor doing an unnecessary penance.

Speaking of penance, I was walking past the confessional the other day and noticed a familiar looking shield lying next to a bench.... At first I couldn't believe that after all the time he was about to walk back into my life, but there he was, the White Knight.

I'm not sure if too much time has past for us to rekindle the blossoming romance from last year, (I know it's something my Mother would appreciate) but I felt it rather inappropriate to ask while he too tried to atone for his sins. (Of course I can't help but be curious as to what his sins are!)

I received a surprising note from the Brewer a few nights back as well, he seemed - as always - to be in good spirits, but there was a decidedly saucy undertone that I've never felt from him before! It has been far too long since I have seen the Gameskeeper or Brewer, but I'm intrigued to know how our friendships will have fared the time and distance of the last year.

My darling nun has been keeping my spirits up when I've had to cope with the scrutinising look of the priest. My presence is clearly unwanted, and they think my atonement is a farce, another means to gain unnecessary attention... Judgement comes far too easily to some people.

D. S.

Monday, July 09, 2012

I have returned to the Convent and already I feel that I have too many regrets in my life.

Normally I love to live life to the full and take on any misdemeanours as an adventurous experience, however the judgement that I have to cope with from the priets here is rather difficult. I know I have come to atone for my sins, but the guilt I feel for some of the antics from last summer is somewhat crushing and I dread to think the hours I will have to spend on my knees praying for forgiveness.

It was wonderful to see the nun, she hasn't changed at all and we laughed (probably more than we should have while in a Convent) at the year that has passed.

A complete surprise was the appearance of a dear friend from up North... Her dark curly hair was instantly recognisable, but I could hardly comprehend as to why Belle was in a Convent! Obviously it was an absolute pleasure to see her, but we haven't had the time alone together to talk about why she isn't up North (and with the Gameskeeper).

Talking of lover's, my darling Captain has sent me a letter keeping in touch with a lot more ease than the previous month. He repeats how much he misses me, how the beaches that we used to spend gorgeous evenings together remind him of me, and that he is to begin some travels.

I miss him so much, I want him to visit but I can't expect a nineteen-year old to journey to the otherside of the world... Can I?

Another surprise visit was from the brunette! I had no idea she was returning to the green lands of England, but of course it was a delight to spend time with her. She is not here for long though, and we have already parted ways. Unfortunately she was not interested enough to join the Convent, (and honestly I don't really blame her) but of course seeing her reminded me of the Captain...

My previous amour has kept in contact since the other night and though I am longing to give in to my desires I may have to wait until after my time at the Convent. This is definitely not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

D. S.

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

I must have spoken too soon, for no sooner had I returned home from my previous amour's chambers did I see a letter upon the table in the South Wing. It was hand writing that I recognised, and it filled me with hope!

To think that a letter can have a similar effect on me as to the days when I used to encounter the Captain, but a letter is all I have of him at the moment.

I don't know if I am patient enough to contend with the distances between us. It took over a fortnight for me to hear from him, anything, while I had ripped open my emotions and bled them onto a page for his disposal. He says he misses me. 

I know how that feels.

He tells me to keep out of trouble. (How does he know?!)

The Captain wants to hear about my life, and all I want to do is tell him, to whisper it in his ear and have him laugh at my misdemeanours, chastising my silly behaviour, knowing that he'd never leave me...

But he is 12,000 miles away. And I start at the Convent this weekend. 

No frolicking with the past lover (who I have to admit has crossed my mind more than once these last few days).
No provoking or scandalising any priests (even if they deserve it).
No drinking to forget the pain in my heart. It's not a solution, it only prolongs the agony because I'm subdued.

I shall learn, teach and pray for the future.

I look forward to seeing the nun again. I wonder how much her little boy has grown!? I worry about my love for the Captain but there are greater miseries and mysteries in the world.

If my love for him diminishes then he will always be a pleasant memory to warm cold and lonely nights.

If, however, our love prevails, then it will be all the sweeter for the time and distance between us.

Or so I keep telling myself.

D. S.