Apparently it is unfair to equate love with other feelings. Love lives in an ivory tower and calls out for those who are courageous enough to try and search for it, whereas I expect love and I to accidentally bump into each other, realising that we've been living in the same ivory tower all along. 

I am not bitter, nor hopeful. I am just enjoying being me. I want no one in my life who needs more than a friendship right now, and sometimes I'm not even sure I have a friendship to offer. It is much more difficult maintaining friendships with people you haven't known for decades. My Shire Ladies take no offence from weeks without a word, nor do I expect to be filled in with all their scandals until they are ready to tell that story. In this Oriental bubble that I now live, my friends are few, but we see so much of each other that it becomes instantly recognisable if one of us opts out, or chooses to spend time with anyone else, or even on our own. 

What is so wrong with wanting to spend some time by yourself?

The weather is also truly having an effect on my rather more acerbic tendencies, a fog has cloaked the island so that it feels we are trapped beneath a great white cloud and breathing is becoming somewhat of a noticeable struggle. I cannot remember the last time I saw the sun. I think I need to escape, to run away and breathe, so that I can come back and be myself - be kind and caring and compassionate, listening to my friends who need me and allowing myself to feel something, anything, even if it is not love. 


Why do we feel the need 'to love and be loved in return'? Does it give us a sense of purpose? Does it make us feel like we belong? I cannot believe that love is the only reason for our existence, nor that life is without meaning if we don't have love. Not that love is a bad thing, but from what I've experienced, it does blinker you to thinking solely about one other person, and forgetting who you are in the process. 

Love is confusing. Life even more so.

D. S.

How long ago it feels since I last wrote, yet it has only been a week! Surely not?! I would never have presumed so much could occur in the space of seven days, but that has been the case for me.

I visited the wonderful Capital of my home and as always London had much to offer, not least the gorgeous sunshine the Duke of Albany and I were subjected over the whole weekend. Though my travelling across the Continent was less than pleasant, (I'd rather ignore it and not mention it again - let's just say the words 'infant' and 'projectile' - and yes, I'm still recovering!) I was delighted to be in the arms of my lover for a few nights.

It was a truly delightful weekend; the Duke and I soiréed with the crème de la crème of international society as we laughed and joked and made plans for the summer. Of course having the sun shine over head does make all the difference - I have heard from Jeeves that Bohemia was unfortunately under a grey cloud that spewed a spattering of rain throughout the weekend. But London was its ever joyous and rambunctious self, though I was rather restrained for a change. I would like to say that's because I have turned over a new leaf ever since I turned the ripe old age of twenty four, and though that may be the case, I know it was because I couldn't stand to be away from the Duke for longer than necessary.

It gives me the greatest pleasure to know that he loves me with a fervour I had never even imagined. We wandered the gardens of St James and basked in the glory of the splendid Buckingham Palace. For the first time my heart sank at the thought of having to return to Bohemia, especially without my Duke. I'm glad I have finally found it possible to say goodbye to Bohemia with good grace, rather than leaving apprehensively.

I'm still all of a titter after spending time with the Duke and I'm very sure that nothing I've written makes much sense. I blame being in love. It's the best and worst feeling in the world, but I wouldn't exchange it for the world!! However I have been given certain tasks I have to complete before I take over my Royal Charge when the Duke and I move up North... When I am going to find the time I shall never know, but I suppose I can sleep when I'm dead... How morbid! No, indeed I shall make the most of the four weeks I have left and begin now.



D. S. 

Not going to post anything more interesting than a beautiful building and a happy aside that the musician apologised. No one was more surprised than I but we'll see what happens when I see him later today.

D. S.

An impromptu visit home has been far more beneficial than I thought it would be. I feel so much more healthy and relaxed with the prospect of summer just around the corner. How I wish I had more to look forward to than spending the season in the North trying to be the epitome of the 'accomplished woman'.

I can't believe how much I am appreciating being home; I didn't realise how stressed I was and what with all the ridiculous theatrics that have become overwhelming I guess it's not that surprising! My Mother of course is harping on at me to catch a husband, as if it were that simple, and that sounds so unappealing, as if I'd have to wrestle with a fish! At least she acquiesced to my horror at the thought of an arranged marriage. I am only twenty, marriage hardly enters my thoughts - only love... Lust.

Speaking of which, my parents have taken on the task of expanding the South Wing and the entire manor is crawling with delectable specimens of the male form. The Head Architect has definitely managed to capture my attention, although I don't think Mother would approve if I started fraternising with the staff... But of course that makes it so much more tempting.

The Marquessa and I had lunch together yesterday, she is just back from her travels in Ireland. Unfortunately the suspicious situation with her family has been ignored rather than resolved, and that they are moving location yet again makes me worry about their finances. How I wish I could convince her to move up North with me just for the rest of the season!

Correspondence with the Duke has dwindled, I supposed I should be grateful as it means he doesn't conquer my thoughts nor cloud my judgements, yet if I thought there were a chance maybe I wouldn't make so many rash decisions... However, I do know that he is making a pilgrimage with his sister from John O'Groats to Land's End. Hopefully I will be able to appear with the final entourage as he arrives at his final destination, I might even get to meet the competition.

I am looking forward to my final stay up North, though I know that the majority of people won't be around, but maybe that will be a blessing in disguise?

D. S.