Can I claim that a lover has had my senses ensnared in a deviant game of cat and mouse?
Or have I been wallowing in my own self-pity as my loneliness begins to seep in and become a reality?
In truth it is neither of these more romantic ideals; life has just run away with me and writing has taken a back seat. Something I never thought would happen, and today I am determined to make writing the forefront of my goals... For the time being.
What can I say about the time I have spent away? I heard a statement about love, the only true statement I have ever heard in regard to that flimsy state of being...
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
This is not supposed to be a pronouncement of how I am newly in love. You should all know by now that I am in love and have been for quite a while... The Captain still holds my heart even though the time and distance do strain the feelings we have for each other.
I know that we share the same skies, and I am always reminded of his love when it is the time of day to say good morning or goodnight to that burning orb in the sky. But I do not have him near me; I cannot touch him, kiss him or caress him, that I so long to do.
With the sun rising as I know my Captain is laying his head down for the night, I imagine what it would be like if we were together... This longing can only go on for so long. We are only human and though great love stories claim that true love can transcend time and distance, I am determined to have him in my arms before a full year passes without the touch of his lips.
So I have sent him a letter, imploring him to think about his journey to the Shire and be realistic. Of course I want to see him, of course I want him as a part of my life here, but he cannot dawdle and limber on here while I have to go about by businesses. In my eyes I can see only one solution... He takes on a position here in the Shire over our summer.
To me it makes perfect sense to have him around, to keep him occupied and to have him all through the nights by my side. I cannot abandon my work for him for longer than my return journey to the Antipodes and I daren't ask him to loll about without me by his side!
I only hope the letter reaches him in a mood of acquiescence, though I do hate the feeling as if I am telling him how to live his life!
I had the glorious pleasure of Belle over the weekend and we shared many a story about the Convent and the Gameskeeper, musician and Brewer. Not only were we fortunate to meet and converse with ease, but we were joined by another governess, and the three of us drank many a daiquiri and reminisced over the summer. Indeed, they condoned and fully supported my idea for the Captain. I only hope that he understands my perspective...
The White Knight returns over the Christmas period and of course I am looking forward to seeing him, however, I fear he may be wanting more than I had originally anticipated. If that is the case, I suppose I may have to end our friendship, or at least the more physical aspect of our relationship.
The anonymous source of the quote was correct, life is wonderful when you're in love. But at the moment, I am content and enjoy being awake, though my lovers are spread across the world and not within my grasp.
But hopefully, not for much longer.