Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I've been home for nearly two weeks from the blissful reverie that was Rome and I believe  I am still most rested and content. For the first time in months I feel I can handle what the future holds, even though there is still a lot of uncertainty as to what direction that may be.

All I know is that I have to cope with the heartache of having the blonde Esquire leave me for the army, to be a soldier, to go wherever he is told. To think that this whole relationship started as a farce, as a joke, and now I wait for the moment that he leaves me, as I left the Captain, with the promise of return... To never forsake what it is we have.

I loved the Captain with an innocent, naive charm; he was a comfort, a tease and so unobtainable I could barely think straight when I saw him. The blonde Esquire is altogether a completely different love. It was unexpected and has been built on a friendship based on trust, despite the tryst he proclaimed to me all those months ago

The love I feel for the blonde Esquire is something I completely marvel at because I have no idea where it came from as it was not the desired result. We were to end, that was our purpose. Yet now I can think of nothing more terrifying than to have the blonde Esquire leave me, which is exactly what is to happen.

I do not have a choice in the matter. My choice lies with what to do while the blonde Esquire becomes the hero that I know he can be.

Shall I stay with him, learn to cope with the distance and wait for his fleeting return?

Could I really bring myself to leave him when all he is doing is pursuing a soldier's life, making the world a better place?

D. S.

1 comment:

  1. Dearest Duchess,

    What does your heart say? I don't mean to hurt you but with your past tryst could you stay faithful to the blonde Esquire while he is away? Besides he could surprise you and come back early or home on leave.

    Still always yours,