Tuesday, February 17, 2015

A return to normality? What would it even be like to have 'normality'? What does that even mean? 

If only I knew. 

I have returned to my studies and have had the greatest pleasure of spending more time with the wonderful ladies of the North. We have much in common and have discussed at length the fun we had many moons ago. Not too far in the discernible future shall we hope to replicate that evening with copious goblets of wine, when we have a little less to do and a little more to celebrate. 

The Duke and I have continued to discuss our future and never more have I been more unsure about what the future holds. 

The Summer, yes! The Summer I have already planned to spend at the Convent ~ Brighthelmstone or the Shire I have not yet decided ~ but after the long summer days... Then what?

The Duke of Albany seems torn between staying or going to pastures new and I know that I do not have the right to dictate his life for another year... And yes I do enjoy spontaneity, but I would like some say in the future! Somehow I doubt that that will be the case. Instead I shall have to while away the hours not knowing, having to make a decision at the very last minute. 

I'm complaining for the sake of it... I have nothing more to say that I haven't already said, and yet I still feel unsettled. I want to see the world. Yet I have another year before I can call myself 'teacher' and it irks me to know that I am chained to my responsibilities ~ even though I know this is a life I chose for myself. 

I don't know what it is I am looking for... But there is something else.

D. S.

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