Where has my inspiration gone? I can't seem to muster up the energy to write anything of any substance; I have started many posts in the fortnight past but none of which have made me want to give them over to you.

I have learnt many things as January fades in February, I have realised there is a world inside my Shire that I was previously unaware of... My eyes have been opened and my mouth left agape as the blonde Esquire has given me an education I shall never forget.

We spend nearly every day together, our ruse becoming easier to forget as I truly do enjoy spending time with him. He encourages me to think more broadly and gives me experiences I hadn't thought possible...

It was last weekend, nay, even longer ago, that the Duke's sister and I held an evening in celebration of travel. We dressed up in foreign guises as we listened to explorers tell us of their journeys and the treasure they plundered and the adventures across stormy seas. Not only was it wonderful to hear, but it gave my Ladies and I a real thirst for the extraordinary, and Summer plans have been whispered about the Continent, a Grande Tour or indeed a return journey to the Antipodes.

Could I leave once again with no thought to the Shire? 

What would it be like to return to the Captain, whose correspondence lessens with every passing week?

I know I shall return eventually, but I don't know if it shall ever be my home. It is said that your home is where your heart is, but it seems I may have a fickle heart.

I am not in love with the blonde Esquire. I know I cannot be for this is purely a scheme to get his Mother off his back and give him the reigns of freedom. I know I cannot love him because there is no chance I could keep him from his own responsibilities. He would not let me fall in love with him, however despite the pretence, there is a growing friendship between the two of us. How could there not be?

He is away in the Capital for a few days hence and though I am not in love with him, I have noted his absence more keenly that I'd have thought. But no matter, it's exactly how I feel when I don't see Armiger or the Court Jester for long periods of time.

In fact it is all the better to have the space as it is his birthday this weekend and I shall spend the whole of tomorrow planning a day for the two of us to enjoy. 

Ah, another birthday too nearly slipped my mind, a Northern beauty from my years living up North has come to share her love with us on this special occasion; no doubt this week will include many frivolities and much laughter! I look forward to all the celebrations!

As do I look forward to the return of the blonde Esquire... At least with the void he has left behind I have an evening spare with no excuse but to write!



D. S.

I have spent an entire week in the company of the blonde Esquire, championing our seemingly blossoming love for the happiness of his Mother. We have danced and dined and conversed to our hearts content, getting to know each other without the pressure of a destined future.

The blonde Esquire has kept me thoroughly entertained and so far this ruse has been terribly easy to keep up! I enjoy his company, and have learnt many interesting things about my Shire which were previously unknown to me.

Apparently the wealth of the Shire has primarily been through the wool mills dotted around the various villages. We supply the most wool in England and have our gorgeous countryside to thank for that. It had never occurred to me before that my heritage has grown out of something more than just my name! I felt quite ignorant as the blonde Esquire described the labours of the millers.

The winter months are drawing to a close though the weather has got even colder and a sheet of snow has covered the hills that have earned even greater respect from me. It is  most pleasing to have the blonde Esquire pay me the utmost tender attention; he does not stray from the story we have begun to weave, though when it is just he and I, sometimes I forget that I'm not allowed to fall in love with him. 

His honesty is surprising at the best of times, but as he drifts between discussing philosophical topics to the ways of the world that even I don't understand I cannot fathom what it is in this world that he wants! He berates me for looking at him with questioning eyes, but I do not know what questions I want to know the answer to... I've been given a free reign to plough his mind for any clarification of any queries that I cannot control, but despite his blunt approach I have more questions than answers and I'm a little afraid to give him the opportunity to answer!

Of course, because I felt a little wary about someone I threw myself into the willing arms of another to give my self what I know is a false sense of security. But I think I can be forgiven considering the soft, milk white arms have held and caressed me many times before... The brunette has reappeared for the time being! She pouted mercilessly as I chided her wanton longing but there was very little chance I wouldn't give in to her tender lips and plump bosom.

I still have no thought as to what my future holds; but for now I shall enjoy his company and look forward to a travel afar... Belle has surprised me with a trip across the Irish sea to visit the Irish lady of Corcaigh whom we taught with over the Summer! I have a month to wait until this intrepid journey but I look forward to it with much gusto and refuse to pay attention to the tentative thoughts that stray and think about the blonde Esquire!



D. S.

Darlings a wonderful new years tiding to you all! Apologies for the delay in writing this year but my life has been somewhat distracted by the frivolities that have been bestowed upon us by the holiday season!

A time to reflect has already passed me by, and I can confirm that I stuck to most of last year's resolutions, because although I may have let love linger in my heart for the Captain (and of course the White Knight dabbled with my emotions) I have not given my heart away to anyone! Of course, love and lust are two completely different things, for I have not gone an entire YEAR without satisfying my more carnal needs!

At the moment I am home with my Father - Mother has disappeared to console the needing arms of a female compatriot whose husband has left her for another woman - and I need the time to think about the past fortnight, before the blonde Esquire arrives.

New Year's Eve was a perfect night. Belle travelled the many miles to the Shire a few days before and we had the time to talk about our loved ones and gossip and laugh as if no time at all had passed between our previous rendez vous. The Court Jester too journeyed from the City of Dreaming Spires to spend the dawning of a new year with me in my new and more humble abode.

My ladies surrounded me, though the Duke's sister was notably missed, and I hosted the fun, the games, the music and dancing without a care in the world. And yet again the blonde Esquire did not disappoint as he turned up as expected and dazzled and delighted those dear to me. I have not yet shared the secret of our new relationship to anyone... I want to see how this reticent tryst develops under the nose of his Mother, and of course when the inevitable implosion of our allegiance occurs it needs to be as realistic as possible, with no chance of reconciliation.

For now I am to think about the future... Do I want to leave the Shire and travel to the Continent, or even further afield, back to the Antipodes? Do I want to persevere on my quest to find someone worthy of my patronage? Shall I give in to the unwritten institution that is marriage to satisfy my parents and find myself a husband? Or shall I just live day to day, loving life, and expecting nothing but happiness?

I know the latter question begs my own indulgence as life is never easy nor smooth, but at the moment I cannot fault the life I lead... Which I suppose is why I have so many questions. I want more to life, and that is why I know I shall not marry any time soon. Travels intrigue me, but working? This is something so unconventional for someone of my status that I feel I must endure the uncertainty... At least for the time being.



D. S.