I know that it has been far too long since I have managed to post on here, letting you know what I have been getting up to and for that I apologise. However, with the gossip that I have I hope I can satiate your appetites...

Everyone I know has somehow managed to find the perfect partner; there are couples surrounding me and I am completely alone. So to alleviate my boredom while I am alone and to distract myself, I have been occupying myself with various activities... Namely, the art of attraction. It is far to easy but trying to lure different men with different tactics is most enjoyable. As of yet I have a one hundred percent track record, but obviously I don't particularly want to boast about my accomplishments, (though I think sometimes I even impress myself).

Right now I'm laughing at myself and my blasé manner. I know that my reputation would suffer if everyone knew, but I am succeeding in keeping it under wraps, barely. Apparently I need to acquire more of a history of my so called 'victims'; one of my successes is actually an acquaintance of one of the ladies I used to live with. But fortunately I managed to convince him to keep quiet about the little affair. What else can I do?

D. S.

We had quite the Ball a couple of nights ago. An evening to bring us all closer together after we had been away from each other over the Christmas holidays. I had such a lovely night. I was very high spirited, though I'm not sure if that's due to the company or the amount of alcohol that I consumed!

I cannot describe the fun that we had that night, we were all glowing with happiness and pure unadulterated love for everyone, it was such a good feeling. Unfortunately I did make the mistake of opening up and mentioning that I liked one of the foreign ministers, what makes it so unfortunate was the way that I proclaimed my feelings, which were not quite my own to say the least. He is now angry with me and thinks I am slightly pathetic, but really, I know when I have made a mistake but this time, he has just completly over reacted.
Spent the rest of the week brushing up on my study skills, and waited for Friday night's party. Once again the usual group of people, I had my darling Lady Lina as part of my ensemble and we had such a good night. There were games, drinks, eligible men... which Lina thoroughly appreciated! But I have a slight soft spot for her friend Lord Jones. Yet I get the impression that he thinks I'm silly and frivolous... Which I am, but I dislike having him think that that is all to me. But then again I have seen a less apealing side to him as he suffers from a lot of pent up rage. From what, I do not know.

I will keep you up dated but I think this is going to be a slow week. The next party is not til Friday, and though I have a few people to write to (the Duke) there really isn't that much going on, or at least anything of note.

Til then.






D. S.

It has taken me a while to get my head wrapped around being back up North and away from my native Shire. Sometimes when I look back at my writing I cannot believe how much I take it for granted. In the Shire I am warm and taken care of. Up North, though I am not truly wanting for anything there is just a lack of poise that comes naturally to us Southerners.

But really, I have been back a fair few days and I do need to keep you up to date.

I had a letter waiting for me up North from Duke. It is a simple letter hoping that my journey was uneventful and that the letter finds me in good health. A small account of what he has been up to since being back in Scotland, sounds like he is trying to change a fair amount at the manor and I'm not sure how well that will go down with the cotters and greasmen. But no mention of my imploring letter filled with jealous vibes to which I am very thankful. I am not going to see him for months; I should just put him out of my head.

Of course, in being back up North I have had to cope with the humiliation of the affair. It is, apparently not so much of a scandal that I had thought; everyone had already thought our relationship was built on the physical and that it had been consummated months beforehand, therefore this just seems like another rumour of the same vein or another confirmation of previous affairs.

Harlequin gave me a hug, consoled me and helped me understand the situation before I had to face the public for which I am very grateful. He also gave me the courage to go and face him.

We passed each other in the great corridor two days ago. We were quite alone minus a few guards at their various posts. My heart stopped when I saw him. Can you believe that the last time I saw him I was creeping out of his room in the wee hours of the morning praying that he would not wake up and that I would not get caught?

He stopped when he saw me and was ever so gracious and polite, giving me the appropriate stance for my status. But before I could speak he took me aback with his blasé, 'I hoped I would bump into you, I have something of yours,' and produced my gold and sapphire ring. At the time obviously I had to hide my embarrassment at his simple acknowledgement of our affair, and I did. I think. I accepted the ring and asked after his Christmas and New Year at home with his family, and his wife. Apparently he had a lovely time but was glad to be back, he missed the Northern dramas that made him feel young. I had to leave him then. I refuse to get caught up in his wily charms again, so I guess it is better if we do not socialise in the same way as before.

I saw him again this morning while at church in the Cathedral. We exchanged little more than a fleeting glance and a courteous bow, trying to be no more excessive than how we acted before Christmas and it seemed to work. We received no looks that could be perceived as out of the ordinary. I need to close this chapter on him. I need to remind myself of the guilt I felt while at home and concentrate on that. Or so the priest told me at confession.

It is lovely being back at the Manor with all my Northern friends. They are so rowdy in comparison to my Ladies in the Shire, but I know that our scrapes in this new year will become memories that we will treasure forever.





D. S.

It's amazing how church can make one feel. 

There is the impending guilt of sins past committed, the worry of what people think and what they know, and the awesome power that the priest manages to hold over the entire congregation. I supposed that we are fortunate to have an enigmatic priest; we are literally gripped to the seat by his sermons on debauchery, lust and the disintegration of society as we know it. Because I have my own enclave to hide behind and I am never without some sort of head-dress to disguise my features, I do not have to to withstand what feels like the Inquisition from our priests stare, it really is a look that legends are made of. 

This disguise is a feat I have been using for many years, sending one of my handmaidens in my stead so that I could sneak away with the Duke during the summer months. Yet now that I am an adulterer I fear that going to church is my one saving grace. It is the least of the penitance that I should do, but I dare not speak of the affair down here in my own province. If my name be sullied in the North, so be it, at least my reputation here with my own people is still safe.

I have replied to darling Harlequin's letter/parcel with just a small quip that the affair means nothing to me and I expect nothing from him other than to go back to his wife. It is as it should be. I did no wrong for I am only the other woman, not the adulterer.

(I know this is quite contrary to my own opinion, but I feel that I have to put on a brave face, to no one else can I admit my shame.)

Then I thanked Harlequin for his gifts and told him to expect me back within the week as long as this snow subsides.

My lovely ladies have abandoned me in the Shire to go to their relevant places of general accomplishment. So here I am alone, just waiting, once again, for my life to begin. This is supposed to be a new year, but so far I have not needed any of my resolutions because my life has been so quiet.

I have heard through the grapevine that the Duke has made it back to Scotland, yet no direct word from him that he has arrived. I will be put out if our correspondence diminishes this year because of my letter. It isn't as if it's the worst letter I have ever sent. I don't even dare remind myself of the disastrous love affair with the Baron two summers ago. There was a letter that I will always regret sending, this one is nothing in comparison.

I feel that I am going to have to redecorate my home shortly, I might draw up some designs in the next couple of days. I'm quite inspired by this French Queen Marie Antoinette, she sounds delightful if the rumours are true. But if she is anything like me there is another world behind all the rumours, and a face and smile that live up to the reputation.

I think I'm going to go and play in the snow with my brother. It is barely light enough but I will have the servants hold torches while we play.

D. S.

Oh how I wait for my life to start. I have not heard anything back from the Duke. I am trying to stay positive and am forcing myself to believe that maybe he has not received it, the weather has been frightul and maybe the letter has been misplaced. God forbid that anything should happen to my Duke! I would rather he read my silly confession than be in an accident. I can hardly believe the blizzards we have had to endure down south in the Shire, never before have I seen so much snow and I dread to think of how much colder and more treacherous it is up north.
Up north. That is all I can think about. My ladies seem a bit put out by my referring constantly to the north though I do not see how I can help it. My entire life is up there, I can only dream when I am here.

Ahh the lovely Shire. You are my home and I will always love it here but it is nothing like the city up north where I am no longer hindered by an over-bearing family. Even my friends, however much I do love them have most of their lives down here in the south and they cannot understand how I feel so out of place. Only the Duke understands me. I guess that's why I think about him night and day. And of course it doesn't help that he is a distraction from the dilemma up north. All I want is to get back to the city but I know it is because I think that there will be no scandal, that everyone will have forgotten about it.

(Later)

Oh how could I be so naive? My darling Harlequin from the northern city sent me a beautiful box of trinkets and a letter keeping me up to date with everything that I am missing! However not all was wrapped up in pretty colours, he told me that he knows about the affair and I am so embarrassed. He tells me not to worry, apparently it had been the court's assumption for a long time, one that I was completely unaware of, enraptured by his languid ensnarement. The pretty masks and feathers were sent to soften this blow, they must have been. Oh how I wish I was with Harlequin, he would soothe my own ruffled feathers and point me in the right direction. I do not know what to do. Do I acknowledge my wrongdoing? Do I act blasé as if it had never occured to me that I had done something wrong? I need some guidance. This affair is catching up to me and I haven't even heard from him, only a fellow courtier. Who knows how I'll react when I see him.

Oh for a letter that does not portray my life to be so desperate!






D. S.