Thursday, January 07, 2010

Oh how I wait for my life to start. I have not heard anything back from the Duke. I am trying to stay positive and am forcing myself to believe that maybe he has not received it, the weather has been frightul and maybe the letter has been misplaced. God forbid that anything should happen to my Duke! I would rather he read my silly confession than be in an accident. I can hardly believe the blizzards we have had to endure down south in the Shire, never before have I seen so much snow and I dread to think of how much colder and more treacherous it is up north.
Up north. That is all I can think about. My ladies seem a bit put out by my referring constantly to the north though I do not see how I can help it. My entire life is up there, I can only dream when I am here.

Ahh the lovely Shire. You are my home and I will always love it here but it is nothing like the city up north where I am no longer hindered by an over-bearing family. Even my friends, however much I do love them have most of their lives down here in the south and they cannot understand how I feel so out of place. Only the Duke understands me. I guess that's why I think about him night and day. And of course it doesn't help that he is a distraction from the dilemma up north. All I want is to get back to the city but I know it is because I think that there will be no scandal, that everyone will have forgotten about it.


(Later)

Oh how could I be so naive? My darling Harlequin from the northern city sent me a beautiful box of trinkets and a letter keeping me up to date with everything that I am missing! However not all was wrapped up in pretty colours, he told me that he knows about the affair and I am so embarrassed. He tells me not to worry, apparently it had been the court's assumption for a long time, one that I was completely unaware of, enraptured by his languid ensnarement. The pretty masks and feathers were sent to soften this blow, they must have been. Oh how I wish I was with Harlequin, he would soothe my own ruffled feathers and point me in the right direction. I do not know what to do. Do I acknowledge my wrongdoing? Do I act blasé as if it had never occured to me that I had done something wrong? I need some guidance. This affair is catching up to me and I haven't even heard from him, only a fellow courtier. Who knows how I'll react when I see him.

Oh for a letter that does not portray my life to be so d
esperate!






D. S.