Saturday, January 02, 2010

A new year. A new me? How I wish. Nothing ever changes however hard you try. Though I can hardly say I tried particularly hard to change. As I keep on saying, again and again, I love myself far too much to want to change. Is that so wrong?

New year's eve. What a night. Traipsing across the countryside to various taverns with the closest of friends and ending up at a Spanish themed fiesta. Fantastic to see all of my closest male acquaintances and spend some quality time with them and Madame. We had such a great time dancing the night away then walking through frozen fields under the moonlight back to the Duke's house.

I guess I'v
e forgot to mention my new year's eve countdown kiss with the Officer, but contrary to everyone else's opinions I don't think that really warrants more than a few lines of notice.

What I do want to write about, because I can't stop thinking about anything else, is the Duke. I found out that he has a female companion and was jealous. Jealous! What on earth is coming over me? Are there no single men in the world that can pique my interest? Do they all have to have girlfriends? Are all the eligible men taken? Dare I think that I have left it too late? But the Duke, no not him. He is arrogant, clever and obnoxious. Not qualities one particularly looks for in a partner but he manages to carry it so well and he can be really sweet and caring and he has this look, which we used to tease him about calling it the 'look of love', but that look is no longer mine, not that it has been for so long, for years really, but I'm jealous and I cannot believe it. That I cared.

I don't particularly do caring but I have always had a remarkable fondness for the Duke, even when he was head over heels in love
with one of my closest ladies, but that never mattered then nor does it matter to me now that he has another lady at his side. One from Scotland so that I cannot even judge the competition. And seeing as we are all leaving for our various different locations in a matter of days I have to put him out of my mind and concentrate on the matter of the affair back up north. That is a scandal that I can't quite forget, however easily he has.

Men. They are never worth the trouble but at the same time all we can do is think about them and hope that we find one who will never break our vulnerable heart.

D. S.

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