So the Duke has responded to my letter. I have not the strength to post it all here, but I will fill you in with the gist of it.
Apparently his birthday festivities have been cancelled. He is leaving for the Continent in a few weeks to partake in a Grande Tour of Europe. He does not know his purpose or how long he will be abroad for, he only knows that he wants to escape the trivialities that come with his post. The pressure of marriage, of propriety, of social conventions that date back to the Dark Ages.
He asked me to leave with him.
I'd be forsaking my family name, ruining any connections that I have made for my family here in the North, abandoning the burgeoning relationships that may or may not be. If I left with the Duke I would see the world, spending my days with the one lover that I never forgot, the one man who has always been completely honest with me, never expecting anything from me. Until now.
How on earth can he ask me to give up my entire life for him? I thought that this was what I always wanted but it seems not. Is it the commitment that I am afraid of? My reputation has suffered brutally when I have given into my body's longings, but I have survived, just about. Yet to leave with the Duke would destroy any possibilities of salvaging what I have left, and destroy his own reputation in the process. Would it be worth it?
There is something else that is making me hesitant about my decision. The musician. Can I just pack all my belongings and leave him? I'm far too optimistic about what is going on between us (so far nothing) but I do enjoy spending time with him and the other musicians. I snuck out the other night and heard the musician and some of the others playing and singing in a tavern. I couldn't help myself even though I know it was silly of me, but we ended up having a lovely time and the musician was almost friendly to me!
It is difficult for me to do justice to the platonic relationship that I have with the musician, I don't know what I want from him or him from me. Yet I am happiest when spending time with him and his friends. Can these friendships mean so much to me that I give up on any chance of a relationship with the Duke, even though I know that wanting the musician is futile? Or do I risk it, leaving my beloved Shire and the North that I have grown to accustomed to behind, on a whim of the Duke's?
D. S.
Duchess of the Shire
This blog is a fictional account of a semi-Georgian Duchess. It was inspired by the love of all things 18th century and is purely the work of my imagination. All stories, themes, names and addresses http://duchessoftheshire.blogspot.com/ are fictional but also under the UK copyright laws. © .
I hope you enjoy everything that you read and it gives you some insight to a troubled, scandalous and rebellious Duchess.
D. S.
I hope you enjoy everything that you read and it gives you some insight to a troubled, scandalous and rebellious Duchess.
D. S.
Importances
affair
Africa
altercation
anniversary
Antipodes
apology
architecture
Armiger
Ball
Belle
birthday
blonde Esquire
Bohemia
Brewer
Brighthelmstone
building
captain
Christmas
church
convent
Court Jester
coxswain
Dearne Valley
decisions
disguise
Duchess of Tuthershire
Duke
Duke of Albany
Duke's Sister
Earl of Steel City
family
Fanny Hill
Far East
flowers
Foreign Minister
Gameskeeper
gentleman
goodbye
Grande Tour
Harlequin
Head Architect
him
Ireland
letter
love
Luthien
marriage
Masquerade Ball
musician
New World
New Year
New Years
Officer
painting
poem
poetry
priest
Prussian knight
reputation
resolutions
Rome
rowing
Rowing Ball
sapphic
Scottish Earl
Shire
simple gentleman
Spring
Summer
The Brunette
the Continent
the Nun
the shire
the White Knight
traditions
travel
travelling
Valentine's Day
winter
writing
reckless abandon is often under-rated. especially while we're still young. the only cure for wanderlust is to wander. the question to ask of the Dukes quest is "will I be running away from my old life or will I be running towards a new life" ...
ReplyDeleteDearest Geologist,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, and I take heed of what you say. I honestly hadn't thought about it from that perspective. It feels as if I'd be running towards a future Id always dreamed of. Yet I love my family, I cannot abandon them when I have this fear that the Duke does not know what he wants and is just relying on me, because I am always there for him! Who would be there for me if the entire notion disintegrated before my very eyes? I need to have my Mother's opinion but that would put the Duke's own Grande Tour at jeopardy!
I need more time to think, but thank you once again for your insight.
D.S.