I'm hoping that you are not expecting a decision to have been made regarding the Duke. I have weighed up both the reasons for and against this Grande Tour and am unable to think objectively. It's the Duke! How can I not want to travel the Continent with him? How would I be able to cope here in the North knowing that the Duke was journeying through countries I can barely imagine? Even more so, how could I bear to live in the Shire, my home, with all the memories that I have of the Duke, not knowing when he would return, if at all?
Then again, I am still so angry at the situation that he has put me in! How dare he?! Years I have waited for a tiny semblance of his love for me, and even now I doubt that it is love spurring him on. It is not how I expected; a proposal to deny my family name and not be formally united with his own? He knows my disdain for convention but I cannot lie to myself when it is my heart at stake.
I can't understand why I'm stalling and refusing to be honest and upfront with the Duke. Why can I not mention the word 'marriage' without blushing and feeling like a child? Of course he needs to escape from his ruined engagement and I am proud of him for taking charge but it's his life he's running away from. I love my life, I don't want to run away.
Is it wrong that I keep making excuses to not go with him? If I wanted to go with him I would, wouldn't I? Impulsive decisions are my forte but I can't ever give myself a straight answer, and for a change I don't want to do anything rash! How I wish Harlequin and the Court Jester were around to placate me and help me with this arduous task! I miss them both bitterly and darling Lady Lina is being a saint helping out at orphanages and work houses, so I feel that my problems are rather trivial in comparison! I know I could write to the Baroness or Marquessa but I can't let them know for fear of my Mother finding out!
It's true that all of my non-decision making has leant heavily on my feelings for the Duke and I don't think that the musician should be a factor at all but I cannot help but long to see him and it pains me when I am not with him and his friends. I care about them so deeply and yet I can't ask for their help either. The musician would beg indifference and that would hurt and no doubt cause me to leave and I don't want to.
There.
I said it.
I don't want to leave.
D. S.
Duchess of the Shire
This blog is a fictional account of a semi-Georgian Duchess. It was inspired by the love of all things 18th century and is purely the work of my imagination. All stories, themes, names and addresses http://duchessoftheshire.blogspot.com/ are fictional but also under the UK copyright laws. © .
I hope you enjoy everything that you read and it gives you some insight to a troubled, scandalous and rebellious Duchess.
D. S.
I hope you enjoy everything that you read and it gives you some insight to a troubled, scandalous and rebellious Duchess.
D. S.
Importances
affair
Africa
altercation
anniversary
Antipodes
apology
architecture
Armiger
Ball
Belle
birthday
blonde Esquire
Bohemia
Brewer
Brighthelmstone
building
captain
Christmas
church
convent
Court Jester
coxswain
Dearne Valley
decisions
disguise
Duchess of Tuthershire
Duke
Duke of Albany
Duke's Sister
Earl of Steel City
family
Fanny Hill
Far East
flowers
Foreign Minister
Gameskeeper
gentleman
goodbye
Grande Tour
Harlequin
Head Architect
him
Ireland
letter
love
Luthien
marriage
Masquerade Ball
musician
New World
New Year
New Years
Officer
painting
poem
poetry
priest
Prussian knight
reputation
resolutions
Rome
rowing
Rowing Ball
sapphic
Scottish Earl
Shire
simple gentleman
Spring
Summer
The Brunette
the Continent
the Nun
the shire
the White Knight
traditions
travel
travelling
Valentine's Day
winter
writing
Poor Duchess, obviously you have a dilemma of the first order on your hands. The appeal of lands unknown with a personage of consequence, versus staying in the Shire to languish over unrequited feelings for your musician acquaintance.
ReplyDeleteI do not envy you the choice, but ask yourself this.
Does the Duke make you feel weak at the knees? Would you die rather than endure a future without him?
Unless you can answer yes to both of these questions then have a care for your reputation! Once ruined it can never be repaired...unless of course the Duke should offer for you...Hmm, I see your problem.
Your good friend, Grace x