Sunday, August 07, 2011

If it were true that one's ears burned when rumours and gossip were being spread I don't think I'd ever have a moment burn-free.

I shall make no apologies for my brazen behaviour over the last few weeks, nor hint at a twinge of regret, but it seems I have become the victim of salacious slander. I should not be surprised that word got out; Mother has raised her eyebrow at me more than once as I return home bleary eyed after a day at the Convent and the nuns have very little to talk about other than my insubordination. Yet I did think that it was part of a priest's code and conduct to be discreet and keep secrets...

There is nothing more to report other than the infrequency of my liaisons with the Scottish Earl and the surprisingly wonderful time I am having at the Convent. I never thought I'd utter the words, but, I can't wait to have children of my own! I'm nowhere near ready, but I am looking forward to being a Mother, if only I weren't slightly hampered by my lack of a husband.

I think Mother is afraid that I shall join the Church and become a nun. Unbelievable of course, though I suppose it is better that she thinks that rather than knowing the truth about my dalliances! I dread to think how she'd react if she knew even half the things I've done... I'd be locked up until my wedding day!

Speaking of weddings, I heard through the grapevine that the Duke's former-betrothed has secretly married a cousin of his. I daren't ask the Duke if it is true, I should know better than anyone to not listen to vicious rumours, but if it is true he must be hurting at the familial betrayal! 

Oh hypocrisy! How I have missed you!

I wonder if he is relieved, whether he ever thinks of her, if he's grateful or if he even knows. I know any attempt to seek him out to quench my desire for facts would end up with a door slammed in my face but I can't help myself. I shall write to him. No doubt it will not be long before we meet at some Ball or other but I cannot restrain myself from wanting to know the truth, from wanting to make sure that he is all right... I wonder if I should ask the priest for his council.


D. S.