I don't think anyone quite knows how to throw a  birthday like the Gameskeeper!


Tuesday night, what can I say? We were all dressed in the most surreal of outfits; less of a disguise, more of a fancy dress. Though I was a bit concerned by everyone's agreement that the peasant clothes suited me...


Belle and I spent the morning baking. Or rather attempting to! We were under the strict instruction of her dear Cook and we definitely needed her help, for I believe our aspirations were a little higher than we first realised!


Nevertheless, after only a minor accident with blue food dye, we created the perfect surprise birthday cake...


The Brewer, musician and Gameskeeper were all in high spirits as we gallivanted through the town. I was very impressed with Belle's ability to keep her head and sustain a calm exterior while looking after her other half. He was drinking gin like there was no tomorrow and she was the epitome of class. Even the musician was a little worse for wear though the Brewer was his usual hilarious self.


The entire day was a delight and the evening's merriment was the cherry on the aforementioned cake. It certainly softened the rumours that have abound from the Manor party and my illicit behaviour at said party. The scratches have faded but the gossip has only increased in fervour, so much so that I cannot walk through the library without hearing my name mentioned!


I'm not going to say I regret it. I don't. But I do feel that this judgement is getting out of hand and in that respect I have no one to blame but myself.


Oh, it also seems that I bumped into the mysterious Luthien at the Manor party, but being in the state that I was I can hardly recall talking to anyone, bar the Lord and Lady of the night. I am intrigued, of course, but I do not want to seem too eager. There is much I must think of, but for now, I have to get out of this library.

D. S.

I suppose I better start with an apology. The post that was published here yesterday morning was written, by yours truly, while inebriated and in a room of people more delirious from alcohol than one could think possible.


As you can see it has been removed and I shall definitely not be flaunting my non-existent writing skills when intoxicated again!


The weekend... Well it started better than it ended as Belle and I went shopping for the Gameskeeper's birthday (tomorrow if you're at all interested) and then walked down to a glorious park to watch the men play this new-fangled sport called rugby. It is rather violent and aggressive, but the Gameskeeper and musician seemed to get much enjoyment out of it and I must admit I got quite a thrill from all those men!


I felt a bit guilty for not going to watch the rowing, for there was the last Head Race of the season, but I was not going to miss a chance to see the musician run round in a muddy field!


I soon left the Gameskeeper, musician, Brewer and Belle to their own devices and proceeded to adorn myself for the Manor party that was being held in honour of the rowing, the start of Spring and a birthday. 


It has definitely been a while since I have attended a party of that size and stature and it didn't take long until I was more than a bit merry! The Captain was there and it was lovely to see him, though nothing more has happened in regard of our sexual tendencies... (for which I'm slightly disappointed). Yet it seems he has caught the admiration of a young rower, a French boy who keeps talking about an iron lattice-type building he has designed and how he wants to have it built in Paris. I love people with aspirations!


The entire night was decidedly raucous and many an opiate was consumed. The highlight for me was waking up the following afternoon in bed with a Lady and a Lord. I do wish I could hide the love-bites on my neck for I fear what the musician shall say if he sees me in this state. I have Irish Cream in my hair and scratches on my back! I received many a confused glance from the staff as I came home last night and the Court Jester made many a lurid comment, something that I know I deserved.


I plan on pampering myself for the rest of the day before getting ready for the Gameskeeper's birthday tomorrow night. We are all dressing up, or rather down, as we fraternise with the commoners. I know it will be a delightful night, I'm just hoping the marks on my body will have faded by then...


I'm sure you have all read the poem to Luthien by now and are just as intrigued as I am by who this character is. I have had no reply as of yet, but I feel that she is in control so I shall just wait patiently, making the most out of every day until I know.


I best be off, my hair needs attending to as it is quite hard and sticky. Not the best way to greet one's servants but it cannot be helped.

D. S.

Oh Luthien, your words delight,

Though that is not your given name.

A Friendship or is more in sight?

Of one, lies your apparent claim. 

I do not wish offence on you,

For gratitude is what I bear. 

A riddle is for some more true

Than certain truths they have to share.


Poetry is not my forte,
For you I'll make an exception.
I will play your games, your rules, nay
You are now my inspiration.

D. S.

My head hurts. Personally I want to blame Belle for the copious amount of alcohol consumed last night but I don't think she can be held fully responsible... I do have the tendency to get a little carried away!


Had a lovely few evenings with the coxswain and Number 5 this past week. I find the coxswain to be such an inspiration; her disguises are incredible. She has created this exotic character from the East, her costumes are of the most stunning fabrics and colours. I think we are going to spend some time together soon creating my very own Eastern princess façade. I'm looking forward to exploring a darker nature, I want to be able to use this character as my alter ego, an escape from the rituals of society.

I do find it rather disconcerting that I spend more time disguising myself than embracing my heritage, but if it means I get to spend time with those who I really care about then I suppose it is worth it. Even if the musician, someone who I deeply care for, makes all of my effort seem redundant. 


As much as I want to rant about the musician I don't think I have the strength. I know what he means to me and I know where we stand, it's just not always easy. 


I was touched by the suggestion of the Brewer as a love interest. It made me smile and momentarily consider the implication, but I know that I'd be settling for second best. As dear as he is to me there is no comparison to how I feel for the musician.


My other concern involves the Captain and the Foreign Minister who were cavorting at a soiree the other night. I did not know that they were friendly and was a little shocked by this knowledge. There should be nothing to worry about, minus a few mutual interests they have little in common, and I do hope it stays that way! Selfish, this is true, but I'm just trying to protect what I have left of my reputation.


I was, and am, slightly disappointed by the lack of communication from a certain Luthien. I am still greatly intrigued as to who this person is, someone who I'll never kiss, but if it continues to flounder and cease I suppose I'll never know. Nor care.

D. S. 

Objectivity? Good Lord I was being optimistic! 


Talking to Lady Lina and other various friends (none of whom know the musician) it seems that the only conclusion we could feasibly come to is that I have lost all perspective!


I think I already knew that but didn't want to admit it to myself let alone anyone else...


As per usual the weekend was a blur; parties, ball gowns and champagne, all of which are now a distant memory.


There was the Grand Opening of an Exhibition on Friday night, which of course, I had to attend. It was not until that morning I found out the musician would be performing and before I could decide whether or not I wanted to go the night was upon me!


With hindsight I should not have worried. Exhibitions are natural to me and I love the opportunity to be the centre of attention, though my focus was solely on the musician. Fortunately I was not alone in a sea of sycophantic art enthusiasts for I spied the Brewer amongst a shrivel of critics and happily rescued him. We wandered through the Gallery arm in arm, admiring the works of art, and I must admit he has a greater social prowess than I first gave him credit for! He is a true gentleman and fully accepts that his role in life is to run his tavern to the best of his ability. 


It was wonderful listening to the musician play, for I normally see him holed away in the library or, of course, at the tavern. The entire evening was a success but once I'd paid my dues I managed to escape with the Brewer and musician for a few drinks.


We bumped into some dear friends of mine who were having a quiet drink in the tavern, but soon one drink turned into many and we all spent the night laughing and cajoling each other for gossip.


Of course I loved spending time with the musician but every time I do I get my hopes up. I need to realise that we are only friends and find some sort of distraction!


Speaking of distractions I had a lovely evening with the Rowers on Saturday night. Everyone was very merry and it was lovely to see them all again, but I behaved myself and did not give into the temptation that is the Captain.


I have heard nothing more from the Duke since I did not reply to his last letter. I feel that it is best that he travels with a clear head and hearing from me can only cause distress! What did excite me was the absence of the Gameskeeper and Belle! According to the Brewer and musician they were away staying at a private manor for the weekend in honour of a friend's engagement. Of course I am happy for them to go out and enjoy themselves but I did pout slightly at the lack of an invitation!


I have spent eight hours at work in the library and I feel that it is high time I went home! The Gameskeeper and Belle have now returned because I received a note offering their company this evening but there is nothing more I want to do tonight than curl up in bed with the ever entertaining Court Jester for amusement. Unless of course the musician summons me round...

D. S. 

Shrove Tuesday and a Royal holiday all in one day! Definitely looking forward to the celebrations this evening, no doubt there will be much merriment and drinking in honour of the Queen's birthday. I almost wish I was at court to join in with the Royal games but I sent many gifts to show my respect and love for the Queen and hopefully will attend the Summer games later in the year.

Surprisingly I did not spend the entire weekend with the musician, Gameskeeper, Brewer or indeed Belle! Instead I went to a party and was more than shocked to bump into none other than the Head Architect! I could not believe it and gave the host a berating for not failing to give me notice as to who the guests would be. At first I did not know how to act; ignore him for our last meeting was brief and cold or humiliate him in front of his friends? Of course I did not want to give the impression that his desertion troubled me to any extent but I was shaken by his reappearance. 


The second surprise of the evening was the note I received from the Head Architect requesting a private meeting. I declined. He sought me out. We talked. He has returned to Brighton. I'm not sure if there is any more to say on the matter, but do not be astonished if his apparitions become a slightly more frequent occurrence. 


I have not seen the Captain since the previous weekend but did have a lovely evening with the coxswain, Number 5 and the Court Jester last night. We talked for hours drinking wine. It is so very satisfactory having such close friends. The coxswain is far more entertaining that she gets credit for! We dressed up for the men in silly outfits, both of us inspiring each other for our different disguises. It is startling how similar our situations are. 


I disguise myself for the musician in order to spend time with him outside of our usual contact hours as does she.


She whiles away the hours with only men, far exceeding propriety, as do I.


We both enjoy a tipple in a tavern, to sit and watch rowing (though obviously she has a more hands on approach) and we cannot divulge our antics to anyone else for fear of reprobation.


Our greatest difference is that Number 5 adores her. His eyes light up when she enters a room and he openly admits his admiration. Both the coxswain and Belle do not, I think, realise to what extent their lovers idolise them. I on the other hand have to make do with either a scathing look or an arm around me. I have become an expectation in the musician's life and I feel I ought to remove myself from the situation so that I can obtain some objectivity, but I can't quite bring myself to do it.

D. S.

I am somewhat sleepy so am not sure how much of this post will make sense. But I should be coherent enough to write about the last few days. 


Spend the rest of the weekend with the Captain, Number 5 and the coxswain who was brilliantly disguised. It seems that no one suspects her sex, which is surprising because she received more than enough attention at the Ladies Dinner! But yes, it was a lovely weekend; the weather was still far too cold for my liking but the sunshine was glorious.


I had every intention of whiling away the wee hours with the Captain but it seems I am at the beck and call of the Gameskeeper now! This is no illicit affair in the making, rather an opportunity for the two of us to discuss those who interest us; typically his Missus and my... I mean the musician.


I had the pleasure of  meeting the Gameskeeper's better half and there is no better name to suit her than Belle. For one she is gorgeous and two she is from France. She had news from the Continent, which of course made me think about the Duke, but it seems that Marie Antoinette and her brood are in political trouble. I do hope this rebellion doesn't cross the water and infect the minds of our countrymen.


Belle was so invigorating to talk to, she is a talented and accomplished musician as well as fluent in more languages than I can imagine. The Gameskeeper adores her and I look forward to having the two of them in my life. Of course Belle also gives me another excuse to consort with the musician.


However, Belle was not the only person I met this weekend. Unfortunately not an eligible suitor to catch my attention but rather the Brewer of the tavern where I, the musician and Gameskeeper frequent. He does not know that I am a Duchess, for obviously I am disguised when I fraternise with the public folk, but he is the most affable fellow and I completely understand why the Gameskeeper and musician spend much of their time there.


What I did find rather exhilarating was waking up next to the musician on Monday morning... Scandalous I know, but I managed to sneak home before the Court Jester realised I was missing. I have not been able to contain the smile on my face, but I do find it disconcerting when the musician is nice to me! It sounds silly and it is difficult to explain but I am almost more comfortable when we are at odds. Or at least I would prefer him to be kind all the time instead of fluctuating between the two extremes! I never know where I stand with him.


There is talk of my Southern Ladies travelling up North to visit, which is something I am most looking forward to, but I am not sure how they will respond to the musician!


Of course I have kept them up to date with my non-love interest but I have yet to divulge his status. I'm sure they assume he is a Lord or at the very least a gentleman, but that my head and heart can get so confused by a musician... I don't understand it myself!

D. S.