Friday, January 20, 2012

Where has the time gone? 

I have barely spent a night at home since my last post and though there is much to say I can't even think where to start. 

Biting my tongue, my fingers hover over the page as I'm drawn to distraction thinking over the last few days. Of course I forgave the Captain, I was just unprepared for seeing him. I had no way of gauging how I would feel, how he would treat me and the bump of my heart as I saw him walk towards me frightened me with its intensity. 

Even though he has asked for my forgiveness he did not make it easy for me. A twinkle in his eye made me blush with embarrassment as I remembered the Rowing Ball and my misbehaviour but those were not the only memories that flooded my thoughts. I remember the night he took me to the West Coast so we could watch the sunset together, the days on the beach, the walks in the sunshine... Why did I throw that all away for a little inebriated fun?

I don't quite know what will happen next with the Captain. I know that I still need to let the latest gentleman know that his affections are no longer wanted, but I'm dreadful at letting people down. I'm hoping that by ignoring his advances he might get the hint! 

But once again I am pinning my hopes on the Captain even though I think friendship is all he wants, and that is still more than I deserve...


D. S.