Tuesday, August 07, 2012

I'm feeling a little forlorn and lost as my time at the Convent wavers on the apex of its denouement, lacking direction and a purpose. I remember this frustration about a year ago and my answer was to leave the Shire, to travel 12,000 miles and abandon any semblance of a life I'd known before. 

Shall I make that drastic decision again and leave rather hurriedly? I cannot yet give a confirmation as to my future whereabouts, only knowing that my time at the Convent is dwindling and soon I shall be free to make more mistakes.

The White Knight has written reams about his travels abroad and the difficulty he had in the decision to leave ~ but of course I understand that his duty to his country comes before me. It was wonderful having his attentions focussed on me, but his intensity was rather daunting.

I heard from the brunette no more than a few days ago... She is on her way back to the Antipodes and truly my heart skipped a beat when she told me that the Captain would be on board her ship. The pang I felt reminded me of the love I have left behind; three months we have been apart and still I think about him with tenderness. The feelings are rather more sporadic these days, but I think it does not help that I do not know what the future holds.
a peek looking up under Marie's bed at Versailles

As I lie in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, regrets pool at the edge of my thoughts, despite my life's ambition to live with no regrets. What would I change if I had the power to go back in time? Is there anything I would or would not do again?



D. S.