Thursday, August 02, 2012

Not for the first time fate seems to have taken an unexpected turn... The White Knight has once again to own up to his responsibilities and duties to our country and leave the Shire on the cusp of a possible relationship. 

I do not deny my disappointment in the failed endeavour for I feel his intentions were genuine, but there is another man that my heart yearns for...

Of course the Captain has not been forgotten in betwixt the White Knight's courtship, however the Captain's name is not a lone memory. A previous amour (if not THE previous amour) has tainted my dreams with the echo of his love making, and I cannot help but crave his touch!

It is terrible for me to think such sinful thoughts while at the Convent, but this abstinence is only felt all the more keenly as time continues to elapse! I'm sure Belle is feeling the same way, and she cannot even vent her frustrations through word of mouth because of her vow of silence. I could not give up both at the same time, that is for sure!

I only have two weeks more at the Convent, then I shall no longer have to contend with the judgemental stares of the priest's. I do feel that I have learnt a lot more this year as I have not strayed into the Scottish Earl's arms, nor have I forgotten my feelings for the Captain. I truly miss him... As do I miss the touch of a man!

I have to stop thinking about that; these sordid thoughts are not meant to be written down. If my Mother were to read this she would turn fifty shades of scarlet with embarrassment! But it cannot be a sin to think of what I would do if the Captain, the White Knight or paramour were here... Can it?

D. S.