Saturday, June 16, 2012

Another week has blurred past, though there are a few aspects that stand out... 


I visited Armiger in the City of Dreaming Spires and met some of his delightful friends. It was brilliant to catch up with him, it had been far too long and of course he was curious about my time in the Antipodes. I didn't even know where to begin, but it seemed that all I could talk about was the Captain. Indeed, a friend of Armiger's seemed most intrigued about the love-affair; asking poignant questions and giving me a few words of advice.


She was most adamant that I should heed the Captain's words and go back to the Antipodes if I could see a future with him. I do see a future with him, but who am I to choose how his life should pan out? He is too young to be making life-changing decisions, and that sort of commitment shouldn't be pressured by the distance we would still have to endure.


There is nothing I want more than to return to the country where I left my heart, for it truly felt more like home than this country. I do not begrudge the time I have spent in the Shire; this place has molded me into the person I am, but the Antipodes brought out the best in me... (And momentarily, the worst). But it was the Captain that made me see who it was that I wanted, and still want, to be.


Travelling seems to take up most of my time, for I journeyed to the Northern counties in the hope of seeing some close friends. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Rosinda was still accounted for and even more overwhelmed when the Duchess of Tuthershire made an appearance! We laughed and danced and compared notes about our travels, for she has just returned from a Grande Tour around the Eastern continents! I am most impressed with her stories, and relieved that nothing untoward happened while she did some soul searching.





She asked more about the Scottish laird than the Captain, for I think she is less than enamored with someone who could have put me through so much pain, but alas, there is very little to report so far. The Scottish laird has been rather quiet of late, and though I know he has a lot to attend to, I dislike feeling so neglected. I think all this talk of travel has made me somewhat nostalgic. I miss being in another country, I miss the brunette and our obsession with the beaches, I miss the off-chance of bumping into the Captain...


I do love being home, I love seeing everybody and I have never felt more loved by my friends. But this philial love is not enough. I want to be consumed by passion, I want to feel whole again.


But how can I when he is twelve thousand miles away?





D. S.

2 comments:

  1. Loving the new entry x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Duchess, U shared so many insightful pieces of Ur heart here. I've told U b4 that Ur writing is always so good, U always elaborate so as 2give the reader the feeling they are there watching events as they transpire. I always enjoy Ur blog! I especially appreciated this part U shared of Ur heart's desire: "that I should heed the Captain's words and go back to the Antipodes if I could see a future with him". I had not realized b4 he had propositioned U so. That sounds like a serious promise of love 2come, 2me anyway. I reconsider now, what I sed b4; perhaps U shud follow Ur heart and go, especially since he put it as he did. Here also, another momentous-heart-revealing statement from U: "But it was the Captain that made me see who it was that I wanted, and still want, to be". He may very well be the other 1/2, U have long been seeking. As we all do. But I believe U've hit Ur pot o' gold at the end of Ur rainbow, Duchess. What an awesome overwhelming happy feeling! Someone in Ur post said she was not happy with the pain the Captain had put U thru. To that I say, that all true love includes bits of pain as well, unfortunately. Because we care so much, we open our heart, and much of the time it is to intense love-in-return; but pain, even hate, is more akin to love than we realize. It is only indifference that is opposite to love. If we feel pain, then we know we still feel love... And finally, Ur statement: "I dislike feeling so neglected" (by the Scottish laird). I know how this feels right NOW, quite hurtful. Actually, it is what I nearly spoke with U about the other day thru DM, then I thought it was solved. Its not, its back again, and yes, it hurts so deeply. - @bayviewgirl (Ellen)

    ReplyDelete