Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Home sweet home. 

I don't know what I was worrying about; the Shire is everything I remember, everything I have forgotten and so much more! Seeing my ladies, knowing that nothing has changed as we laughed, reminisced and talked about the latest scandals was pure bliss after my harrowing journey home. 

I'd half hoped that the Captain would make an unexpected appearance as I left the Antipodes, but it seems fate has decided we are to be star-crossed lovers, unable to be together, or even say goodbye, because of a few thousand miles. I'd left a note with the brunette to give to the Captain, another apology though I'm sure he has had enough of those, but I couldn't leave with nothing to say.

Three days of travelling in solitude gives one a unique perspective on life. I met so many people on my journey, each of whom had an incredible story to tell. I was enraptured with princes and paupers, of travellers and fishwives. I know I have made mistakes, I am only human. I don't hate the person I am today, in this moment, so how can I say I have regrets?

The nun reminded me that I have always said live life with no regrets. My mistakes have made me who I am, and I am happy with myself, even if not with all of my decisions. I love the phrase a passing Frenchman whispered in my ear, 'que sera, sera'. It's so true, the world isn't going to stop turning because my heart is breaking. 

I love the Captain, I love the time we had together, I love all the memories I have of him. But now I'm twelve thousand miles away. Now I love my friends, my family, my Shire, my home. If he was here as a part of my life I'd love him all the more, but he's not. I'm not going to forget him. He'll always have a place in my heart; but as a memory that I unwrap on cold and lonely nights to remind me of what once was.

I get to spend the day with my dear ladies and catch up on all the gossip of the Duke, the Brewer, Armiger and the Court Jester... I love nothing more than to be with my friends, they do not judge, they do not hold grudges, they only love that I am home.

D. S.


  1. Good to have you home but there is a sad, wistful tone to your post that makes me think you left your heart behind.
    kind regards,
    Grace x

  2. Dear Duchess, I am so glad U made it home safely. Homecomings are so sweet, yet so many times they do mean we've left another place, other people, that we love, in order to get back home. And so, during Ur travels, U met so many thrilling people who U will certainly miss, along with the places in which U met them. That's the curious irony with life: the longer we live, the more chance experiences we have, the more places we visit, the more new spirits we meet, all of which is good; but along with all of this comes the chance we'll love some of them, have to leave them, and miss them. Only if we stay a rock, sitting at home, inside, never leaving, cud we be assured of not #1 loving again #2 enduring a broken heart again and #3 hurting with the unseen crushing pain all this brings. And I know U are no rock. U are fully a human woman, who carries with her many special passions, only we women feel. One is the capability to feel one's heart breaking; not that mens' hearts do not break as well, they do. But a woman's heart breaks so tenderly and fully that she wonders will it ever heal itself again? A heart can break countless times (answer to Ur question dear), and each time a new corner is chiseled out, so a new name can live there. I know Ur pain. It will get better with time. *Time* is the great healer of all wounds, caused from being human.