Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I wish I could say I've been better behaved than last week, but that isn't strictly true. I haven't been any worse, but it has taken me a wee while to calm down and get certain frustrations out of my system!

Seeing Armiger again was of course wonderful, the City of Dreaming Spires is stunningly beautiful and I adore his new-found friends. There is nothing I love more than to sit and discuss an array of topics while slightly befuddled; not everything we say makes absolute sense, but there is no one to judge us. Of course at the back of my mind it reminds me of the company I kept in the Antipodes just before I left. The philosophies of life that we discuss here are of a less religious nature however: it seems our lives are forever dictated by politics (and love affairs). 

I'd love to know what my darling friend, the Duchess of Devonshire, would have to say about the company I kept in the Antipodes!

But once again I am in the Shire and have kept a rather sedate pace of late (if only for the past two days).

However, I have had a memory prolonging its welcome in my mind, though it was only a dream of a few night ago.

Upon a ship, there I was with my Mother, who was uncharacteristically calm and collected, in spite of the treacherous waves and the vendetta the rough seas seemed to have against us. Even more striking was the sunshine that came with the storm! But dreams never make much sense, do they?

It was a pirate vessel, and the Captain I did not recognise, for it was not my love. But the ship and crew, though flouting their pirate flag, were kind and not terrorsome. In fact it was the Captain, who was not my Captain, who took my Mother and I below deck so as not to ruin our dresses.  Where we were sailing I could not know, but in my heart I felt as if I was going home. No sooner had the storm faded, as they do in dreams, did we arrive at my one and only City of Sails!

My Mother's presence disappeared, but that is understandable for I did venture to the Antipodes on my own, and there I was, a stranger in a land I knew so well. There was no one to greet me, but I was unafraid. The Captain who was not my Captain, gave me one piece of advice: Go home, it's the only thing you're looking for...

Alas, as dreams have a tendency to do, I awoke before I could traipse across the City of Sails home. But where is home? I lived with family for so long, I cannot expect to depend on their hospitality for ever, but it was only a dream. As I opened my eyes I saw the sun peek through the clouds over the Shire hills this morn while the South Wing gave a majestic yawn. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed to wake up in the Shire before, but I managed to expunge the feeling with a brisk walk.

Back in the real world, in this life controlled by contrived conventions, I have heard from the nun, though the news is not something that elated me. By chance, a certain man that I do not wish to see is returning for penance at the Convent over the summer.

I go because I wish to assuage any guilt from my misbehaviour, that and the old gossips love to talk about how I've 'let my family down' because I have yet to marry. The Convent certainly keeps them quiet and that is enough for me. I have to admit, that I too love the peace of mind, and teaching the children. Who'd have though, I'd ever have acquired a love of teaching?

But the Convent may be less of a Sanctuary this year if I have to put up with some unsavoury characters... I too may have to join them in penance! These thoughts are most un-Christian of me!

Talking of my dream has got me thinking of the Antipodes again, and my writing seems to have become most disjointed.

I want to go back. Not just for the Captain (who I have yet to hear from), but for myself. I feel that I left a part of me behind, and it's a vital part that I can't live without.



D. S.