Saturday, March 31, 2012

I have travelled further south than ever before, nearly on the cusp of the Antipodes and for what feels like the first time in my life, I can truly appreciate and delight in freedom.

Travelling alone gives you a different perspective on life and the people I have met while on this journey have touched me in ways I didn't even think possible. The countryside is unbelievable; remarkable mountains and lakes, views that are breathtaking and give you a sense of fulfilment.

Not only is this part of the country awe-inspiring, but the attitude to life is so relaxed. It's a far cry from the conventions of the Shire and though I was terribly misbehaved this time last year I don't have a sense of guilt as I party the nights away down here.

The way I feel right now makes me realise I am not in love with the English gentleman. Nor could I fall in love with him... This sounds rather drastic after my last post all about love, but I know now that I am comfortable with him because in the back of my mind I think that is how I am supposed to feel. 

I should know better than that.

He is everything I should want in a man, but I know that I am not the woman for him... I'm trying to mould myself into his ideal and that is a far-cry from the woman that I am. 

I have made some close friends in the last few days. When travelling you are a lot more open and honest with complete strangers. A Swedish princess delighted me with her tales of the snow in the frozen North and several Scottish lairds have kept me entertained throughout the days and nights.

One Scottish laird in particular gave me pause for thought; the way he made me feel after one conversation was more than I think I've felt at all for the English gentleman. I don't know what I will do when I get back to the city. I'm not sure if it's worth carrying on the charade of our relationship, or if seeing the English gentleman will persuade my feelings otherwise.

All I know is that I am having the time of my life, I don't know if I will ever want to leave, and I can't imagine going home now...

D. S.