Thursday, April 19, 2012

Could you please all form an orderly queue? I know there are quite a few of you who want to utter the fulfilling, 'I told you so', and I don't think I can take a cacophony of the berating. One at a time, please.

Everything I have ever felt for the Captain has been shattered into a million pieces, and ripped from my very soul. There is nothing more to feel. I didn't know a heart could break more than once for a single person...

But all this heartbreak is by the by. I will recover. I am currently more furious with him than upset; a confession of love shouldn't lead to a rejection of existence. What hurts the most is that he knows my current circumstances and he has still so coldly abandoned me... Again.

My darling Nana passed away at the beginning of the week. An illness has plagued her life for the past few months and it finally became too much. We all managed to say our goodbyes, and in the last few days we were truly waiting with bated breath, hoping and praying she would no longer be in any pain.

At least now she is at rest, and I know she is going to keep an eye on me, and guide me through this maze of life. So far I think I am thoroughly confused, and banging my head against a wall! But as I train to be a Governess, I know my Nana would be proud of me, and I want to do this not only for myself, but for her. I want to honour her memory, and let the world know how much I loved her, how much I still love her.

Saying that final goodbye is the hardest word in the world.

D. S.