I could not quite find the words to conclude the prevailing state of affairs, but my antipathy was not overly disguised. No more so than as the English gentleman leant in to kiss me adieu I angled my face away from his, resulting in a rather haphazard embrace. I too lamented about our future; how would we find the time to see each other when I start my governing next week? When would I get to see him with my return to the Shire growing closer every day? How could we keep this going when life is getting in the way?
His response... 'Well such is life.'
It was at this moment that it crossed my mind that our paths may not cross again, with nothing quite official said. Dare I say we just grew apart? I know it was such a short space of time, but you can fall in love instantly, or in a few weeks - the Captain proved as much - and seemingly it is just as easy to grow out of 'like' for someone.
Speaking of the Captain... We may have bumped into each other last night. I accompanied the brunette's* cousin to a ball, knowing full well that the Captain would be there. Indeed there were many past acquaintances there and I revelled in the opportunity to flaunt myself on my own standing without being on the English gentleman's arm.
The Captain and I may have shared a dance or two, and it was - as always - wonderful to see him, though I think I managed to keep my heart under control.
Indeed if I gave a gold sovereign away for every time I thought of him... Truly, it would only be the one for the Captain has never left my mind.
I sit here watching the rain pitter patter on the dry ground; it has been a long time coming.
* The brunette has been rather scarce of late because of her current infatuation. They have been together a while, longer than previous relationships... I truly am happy for her and dare I say that is what I am looking for? But I cannot deny that I miss her!